Feeling like there is no-one to talk to

[Shell30]

Hi every-one

As you will all well know there are good days and bad. My bad days are always at that time of the month when those dreaded hormones take a hold!

I have a couple of friends who had problems but now they are both happy and pregnant. I am very pleased for them although they now don't seem to (or don't want to) remember how hard things can be.

I feel so lonley now that I have no-one I can relate to. All of my friends now have babies or are pregnant and it's making things much much harder when I didn't think it even possible.

How do you manage this? Any advice would be much appreciated!Xx

[Rivlas]

Sorry to hear that things are no going so well for you re your friends.

It should be a big wake up call to us all to never forget when we ourselves were in a situation, came out and didn't remember our friends left behind.
Thankfully with BB you will always find support and help and a strong shoulder to support you.

My thoughts are with you as you continue your journey.

[josijo]

Shell,

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've just been through my second m/c. But I was fortunate to enough to have my DD in between m/c 1 and m/c 2.

In terms of talking to friends I didn't talk to many people about m/c no.1 but I felt most comfortable talking to people who had been through it before themselves. One friend and I talked a lot about loss as she'd been through the same thing the month before me.

When I lost no.2 last week I talked with another friend who lost two babies. She now has two healthy boys. But she said that the second m/c did her head in and she has blocked a lot of it out and that was the only way that she coped.

Maybe your friends just don't want to remember, like you have said. Perhaps that it their coping mechanism. But it is a bugger for you. And you don't want to feel like you are forcing people to talk about it with you. But I hope your friends are kind enough to be there for you if you need it.

In terms of this loss I have spent a lot of time poking around on belly belly reading the stories of others. But I have also thought about getting some counselling for this loss. I feel like I need to get my head into good shape in order to look after my DD properly.

I wish you lots of baby dust and hope that you get your baby soon.

Josijo.

[Shell30]

Thank-you for those words. They mean a lot and do help me.

I think with a first miscarriage you try to brush it under the carpet as you don't want to think it may happen again, but with a second, it's so much harder. It is early days for you, an horrendous time. I honestly remember not knowing how I would cope.

It does get better though. I tried to surround myself with things that made me happy and you slowly heal. I personally struggle to get pregnant and as time goes on it becomes more painful for me again. Hopefully when you feel ready you will fall pregnant again soon, just try not to worry the same thing will happen.

I tried counselling. It did help to some extent just to vent my thoughts but didn't perform the miracle I was hoping for. I know it's a cliche but it is so true that time is the biggest healer.

X

[Possums]

I wish you success soon, and just want to say that I can relate to your feelings very much. I too find that I have one friend who is pregnant, after previous troubles, and she seems to be a bit insensitive to my position now, almost like she does forget how hard it is. It can be hurtful. I think though, perhaps she has just moved forward in her life and is consumed by where she is at now. It's still hard.

I find this site helps, as does just venting to my mum or DH and reading self help books etc, and trying to find even some joy in little moments in a day...until eventually hopefully life in general is more joyful again.

Just want you to know, I understand how isolating it can be...in many ways I am in that place too.

[Shell30]

Hello,

I couldn't have worded it better myself. It is true, it is the little things that you cling on to to get you through.

What are the self help books? Any authors you can name for me?

I used to use my mam as a sounding board but then since last summer she hasn't been well and so I think I really miss this too. My poor husband just never knows what to do or say though he tries sometimes.

Thank-you for the kind wishes and I sincerely send them back. Fingers crossed for some good luck soon . I can't remember what life was like before this burden and I'm sure you are the same.

X