Domestic Blisssssssss

[Vixstar]

I watched 60 mins last night and am sooooo happy that what I have been dreaming about all my life before I had kids and what I want now are what many Mums now want. I always dreamed of being a Mum who stayed at home, cleaned, cooked, raised the kids etc etc...not sure about the aprons though!

The thought of returning to work was overwhelming for me (plus at the time I had PND) and so I resigned a month before returning in 2007. After having my 2nd son....I have NO intention of returning to work.....ever! DH loves knowing I am at home with our children. My eldest does go to preschool one day per week...to have time away from baby brother and for me to have time one on one with our youngest!

I don't pay the bills or look after the money - DH gives me $25 a week to spend on whatever I like.....I an save it up or spend it. If I buy milk etc with it, he reimburses me. I do though look after the accounts etc for his business as I like to do that sort of stuff. Just once a month!!! lol

We are actually in the rpocess of 'thining' out our life at home. I am putting stuff on ebay to sell, if not sold off to Vinnies.

We have a vegie garden to grow our own produce as we can and to educate our kids so they don't think carrots come from Coles in a bag.

We have a bird and a dog - not only as pets but to teach the kids responsibility in aring for others.

Okay...I am rambling....I AM SO DARN HAPPY! Who's with me??????

xxxx

[Roryrory]

Not me, for one LOL!

I am a big believer in not giving in to ANY attempt by the media to divde and conquer women. Mothers, whether stay at home or working, breastfeeding or formula-feeding, vaccinating or not, should, in my opinion, support eachother in their mothering. And women, whether mothers, hope-to-be or soon-to-be mothers or childless by choice should (again in my opinion) support eachother in their individual pursuits.

So it is from this background that I say I couldn't for the life of me be a full time stay at home mum, particularly in the way depicted in the 60 minutes story. Part of me hankers for it (especially when I say good bye in the mornings and leaves my sons with their daddy) but quickly I remind myself that I hated being a full time SAHM. Personally I need a career to feel fulfilled (plus I am the sole breadwinner for my family so to some extent my choice is made for me) and while I love my children dearly I do not want to devote my life to being their mother. Rather, personally I want to devote my life to being a good person and raising happy children, which for me (in my personal world-view only - I am not prescribing things for others) means working and being a mother at the same time.

(All that said I did get a huge kick out of being a Domestic Goddess when I was a SAHM - even the outside of my kitchen cupboards were wiped down every week! I got a kind of sick thrill out of cleaning LOL! I used to love reading pro-housewife blogs and websites - even my own mother (who believed, when I was young, that you can tell a good housewife by whether the top of her door-frames are dusted) thought I was sick LOL!)

[jackrose]

It is so great to hear two women who are really happy in the choices they have made and the situations they are in!

What a pleasure to read your stories.

RoryRory, love your comment (please excuse the editing!)

I am a big believer in not giving in to ANY attempt by the media to divde and conquer women. Mothers... should, in my opinion, support eachother in their mothering. And women... should (again in my opinion) support eachother in their individual pursuits.

Vixstar, I am glad you felt supported in your life choices and it sounds as if you have a very happy home.

[Meo]

I have to agree with Rory - while I would love to be a stay at home parent, I don't have kids! But I do know that when I was a uni student and DH was supporting us, I would go barmy if I was home all the time. And I don't think kids will make it easier.

ATM, I hate work and would happily resign to do the Domestic Goddess thing, but that's because I feel like I need to take time to make space for the kids that are coming to us, IYKWIM? OK, it's very "The Secret", but there's so much going on in my life atm that I don't think there's room for a baby until I sort myself out. And I need Domestic Goddess time to do that

[AliBaby]

I think the episode raised very valid points in that women especially are putting so much pressure on themselves to do everything all at the same time and conquer it all.

I think it is great that alot of men now help around the house and it is not just considered to be entirely the woman's role to keep the house in order, prepare meals, etc.

I think we need to give oursleves a break sometimes but wonder how that is possible.... hmmmm!

[Rouge]

I can see some aspects of what she meant, but to me she was more a surrendered wife that a domestic goddess. One can be a domestic goddess without being under her husbands "rule". If she's a domestic goddess because she wants to great, but when I hear things like "he expects dinner on the table when he gets home" then I lose respect... A woman (or man for that matter) does not NEED to be oppressed in order to be a good wife or a good mother. If she enjoys it great scream it from the rafters, I do, but you know what if I'm sick or having a bad day I know my husband will not come home demanding silver service, instead he'll get in there and help. We do not have gender specific jobs. I do the majority yes, and I enjoy it but if I need him to hang up some washing or vacuum its not below him.

I do agree that women do put on all the pressure. But I think men can do this too. I don't need to be a martyr but be damned if I'll let my husband be one either, and we both have our moments

What I hate about shows like this is once again it puts one side off against the other. I have friends who work and are great domestic goddesses just as I know SAHM's who openly admit they are far from domestic bliss and couldn't give a rats. Celebrate what you love, no matter what you do You are all wonderful mothers, wives and people

As for me I like the 1950's housewife/stepford wife image minus the oppressive crap And I'll wear an apron and fix my husband a martini when he gets home. But he believes there is no such thing as "women's work", but he also believes that what I do is harder than what he does, its just my job pays in a different currency but is no less valid.

[Olive]

just subscribing so i can come back and read this!

[fionas]

I missed the show and wanted to watch it!

I went back to work part-time when DD was 12 months old but am about to pack it in to, hopefully, become a domestic goddess. Why? Because the part-time work that I was doing was way below my capability level and going to work frustrates the bejesus out of me. My workplace's implied attitude is that I should be grateful that they've offered me part-time work no matter if it is the sort of thing I can do with my eyes closed. It's not about the money - they are paying me my old wage which is about $20K more than the job they've given me gets paid. Basically because they can't be bothered putting the time and effort into finding anything else for me. This is an organisation of 36,000 people so not a small company.

So right now, I DO have to choose between my career and my daughter. In an ideal world, I would be able to find stimulating part-time work in my chosen profession - but at the moment, I can't. I imagine lots of other women are in the exact same boat. Financially secure enough to only have to work part-time but unable to find anything.

I'm sick of going to work and feeling frustrated. I'm lucky that I do find satisfaction in cooking and cleaning - at least more satisfaction than the work I've been doing for the last 12 months.

But yes, I don't like gender-specific roles either. I do all our household accounts and give DP pocket money. He does a fair amount of cooking.

[Mrs Jak]

I missed it!!

It's great if it was about celebrating a woman's choice or her enjoyment to be a SAHM, but not if it put it up against those who choose to or have to go back to work. The great thing about the time we live in is that we have choices now.

I know there is sometimes a feeling in society these days that women are almost expected to go back to work and not stay home more than a year. I'm hoping to stay home as long as I can, but in these times you just never know and I may choose to go back to my workplace in a PT or casual capacity for enjoyment and/or income. I'm not a 'domestic goddess' by any means, but I'm trying I'm not a huge fan of cooking!

Again, in this household there is no such thing as 'women's work'. DH helps out where and when he can and is a great cook. (Thank God)

As for a husband (or wife, I guess) who expects this and that and only allows a certain amount of 'pocket money'. There is no way I could live like that, but I guess if you have a happy marriage and it's working, then good on you.

[Roryrory]

If anyone is keen to read the transcript of the show you can do so on the 60 minutes website - it only takes about 5 minutes.....

[Nadine216]

I would love to read the transcript ... I can't find the website though

[Olive]

nadine google 60 minutes then click on stories

i cant post the link as it has links to commercial sites!

[Rouge]

Transcript is great but the tones and inflections of those interviewed are important to so make sure you watch the video

[Nadine216]

I just watched the video

Okay...I am rambling....I AM SO DARN HAPPY! Who's with me??????

Good for you, no GREAT for you I'm happy for you and what you are doing is good, great, fabs ... for you.

I love working, I love my kids, but I love working too. And atm I am handling it, juggeling it .. sort of

I find the video being a bit too extreme to both sides. The older lady's views are TOO feministic (for my taste) and the "housewives" are TOO housy ... for my personal taste. This coming from a woman who just resently started knitting/sewing and cooking - hipocrite!!! I believe in balance, but I'm me. I'm not anybody else. I don't think bad about the SAHM that love what they are doing, they like it. I don't think bad about the careerwife that "has it all" , she likes it. Thank heavens we are all different ppl. But as humans not judging is darn hard and I believe that is where we get our problems, our "my choice is better than your choice" tiffs. And that is what this is ... a personal choice.

I have a little problem with the "HAVE IT ALL" Whose to say that what I have is enough for me, but also for the woman next to me. For some woman being a SAHM is enough, for some not. And here I so love the way RoryRory said it ... we have to support eachother as WOMEN and MOTHERS not as SAHM, WAHM, Careerwomen ... just as plain women/mothers

BTW I like the idea that modernday "50's housewives" are actually doing something like writing part-time, learning how to bake the perfect handbad cake. That is all skills that can be used once the breadwinner in the family (ie the husband) is not there anymore. That is part of the reason why I work. My husband's dad died and left his mother, a SAHM, to care for two boys and she had NO work experiance what so ever.

In a sence I like the mentality that the man is the boss of the household. BUT that is it .. he is boss of the family, not the woman/wife. He's the wife's life PARTNER. So what if I like giving my husband coffee in bed, so what if I love that my family goes out in polished shoes that I did myself, SO BLOODY WHAT!!! That is what I like, does not mean you have to like it too.

Have loads of other stuff to say too but have to take a break now

[littlelara]

You know, I watched it too, but was left feeling... awful. In fact, I would be hard pressed to think of a time when I've felt more inadequate.
I'm a sahm of two and love them dearly, but a domestic goddess I'm not. I'd love to have a gleaming house and shiny shoes for all, but honestly I struggle to get the basics done.
Actually, jordy will be starting a full day of care where his sister started a couple of months ago as of tomorrow just so I can try to get on top of things, because I feel so overwhelmed.
It's not what I'd want in a perfect world, but I know he'll be well cared for and if I can get the bulk of it out of the way... Well hopefully it will balance out and I can be a better mum.

[Roryrory]

Wow Cai, DH and I watched the video last night, you are soooooo right!

Scary, is all I have to say!

[bon]

I have to agree with Cailin's take on it. I watched the show with interest, but as a SAHM I can say that I am nothing like that woman and her friends. If that is what it means to be a "Domestic Goddess" then a "Domestic Goddess" I am not. But yes, I am happy with my life as a SAHM and housewife, and wouldn't have it any other way - for now. I am studying as well atm because I fully intend to have a career in the future as well, once my children are older.


I liked Germaine Greer's comments - I thought she was quite measured. And I loved her comment that the only thing women these days have more of is work - so so true.

ETA - this month's 'Notebook' magazine is actually devoted to this topic - it's a good read.

[Rouge]

I for once, LOVED, Germaine Greer's comments.