I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but to date have no one that can fully understand what is happening to me. Had a miscarriage and DC Mar. 30. DC didn't fully "clean" me out and passed what was ever left over in April. Now June and feeling like I only had 1-1/2 to mentally recover and my SIL comes out at 5 wks pregnant and announces she is pregnant. I am devasted devasted...my husband had to come and get me at work. Our hearts are still so very very heavy and I could feel my heart break again and it felt like it took me back to Mar. all over again. I am very happy for my BIL and SIL, but felt like it was very insensative to tell me so early. These are people I see 3 times a yr...couldn't they have no shared for just a couple for months???? Am I being selfish. My husband doesn't seem to understand why I am sad??? Great support until now. My husband and his family have the attitude like "what is her problem" I'm venting, but please help!
My DF is the same, my SIL recently accounced her preg also, and although I am preg again I'm terrified of losing this baby and then having to watch her have hers. DF didn't understand, and I think it's because they can disconnect themselves from other peoples babies. They don't associate them with their own, they are someone elses and they can get past it iykwim.
I don't think there would have been an easier or better way for her to tell you, it still would have hurt if it was a couple of months down the track.
Hun, it's only been 2 months since your angel baby flew. So please be easy on yourself, it's very natural for you to feel this way and as much as it hurts you need to let yourself feel it.
's Kat,
Its a difficult time in your life and granted they didn't show you too much sympathy by telling you so early. Perhaps they thought the sooner you knew the easier it would be for you to deal with in time if that makes sense?
I have had some very insensative comments on all 3 of my losses, and there is nothing you can do about it, its just part of the lesson you learn as you deal with grief. Its easier said than done I personally found by reminding myself that the people who made these comments have not walked a day in my shoes. They do not know how all my losses have affected me, and they really don't care.
Men feel very different about loss to women, I believe we feel things much deeper because it happens to us (within us).
I think its good that you don't see them so frequently for their pregnancy to be right in your face all the time, especially while you are healing.
's hun be bentle with yourself, take the time you need, try not to let insensative comments harm you, people who have never experienced loss really have no clue to how dificult it can be to deal with.
Kat, my heart goes out to you.
No matter what stage you lose a child a grieving process will follow and some people will not understand.
What some people don't think about is that because the child isn't flesh & blood, to them it doesn't matter as much which is totally untrue.
As someone said insensitive comments will happen because they have not walked in your shoes.
Take the time to heal and grieve.
Kat this is what is so refreshing about BB. You can vent, express your concerns or joys and there is always a listening ear.
Some who have been or going through what you are or some who will just lend support.
Kat, so sorry for your recent loss. You are still healing, it must have been a real shock to hear that your SIL is pregnant. I'm sure they meant no harm towards you when they announced their exciting news. Its so hard to feel happy for someone though when you have lost your precious bub. I've just had a loss too & I would also be devastated to hear that my SIL was pregnant, so you are not alone.
Kat - I can relate to you 100%. I felt the same way when friends and relatives would announce their pregnancies. The pain was unbearable at times and I just wanted to move to another planet where there were no babies or pregnant women (sounds weird when that is all I wanted myself but that is how I felt). You are NOT selfish at all and I am sorry to hear of your IL's attitude. My first angel flew off 2 and a half years ago and I still feel immense pain and loss for that baby. Nae Nae explained it perfectly in saying that people who have not experienced loss just don't understand.
Grieving Months Later - SIL Pregnant
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