Is this ok... Need advice

[SugarDust]

I need to attach a cover letter to an application i need to submit ASAP

what do you think of this...
could you give me any advice on it if it needs changing or re wording???

To whom it may concern,
My name is Melanie R*********s and I?m a mother of 3 children. I am writing in response to the job advertised for Retail Assistants at your Caroline Springs store. I have many years experience in all aspects of retail, from customer service to stock replenishment, cash handling to supervision.

I have been out of the work force for the past 4 years due to having a family, but I do believe that I am an excellent candidate for this job as I have 6 years experience in retail customer service. As outlined in my resume and have undertaken many roles in regards to customer service in a retail environment.

I look forward to hearing from you in regards to my application.

Sincerly,
Melanie R*********s

Any advice would be great!

[JLeigh29]

Sounds great! I don't think you need to reword anything. Not sure if it's a typo in the second paragraph but it should be 'I' in the last sentence, not 'and'.

Good luck and I hope you do hear from them soon.

[~Kim~]

Mel, I wouldn't include the bit "I am the mother of 3 children."
What is it the retailer of? Do you have any experience with that?
The cover letter is to sell yourself, I am ....personality traits that bosses look for that they can't see in a resume.
Also, that their employment appeals to you. Just an example but lets say a ladies clothing store, "I pride myself on looking professional/great/insert your own adjective here and I belive that I will be an asset to your team".
Do you know anything about their company that you could throw in there?
HTH

[Karina]

I dont think I would write 'i am a mother of 3 children." Youve written further down the reason you have been out of the work force for the last few years.

Did the ad have any criteria attached to it? If it did, then definately address what was listed.

[satya]

If you are going to include that you are a mum of 3 you might like to add something about having good child care arrangements, as some employers will see you are a mum and put you in the no pile immediately... I know it's against the law but I've seen it done many times.

[Lulliloo]

i would just take out the first sentence "my name is.. i have 3 kids..etc". This is not neccessary. like Karina said is there any of your skills that the job ad mentioned that you can put in the letter.
tell them why you would be great for the job. say that you are willing and capable of learning new ways and adjusting to situations easily.

hope that helps.
good luck

[Spring Angel]

My advice, keep the personal details to a minimum. This is what I'd send.

Good luck.

To whom it may concern,

My name is Melanie R*********s and I am writing in response to the job advertised for Retail Assistants at your Caroline Springs store. I have extensive experience in all aspects of retail, from customer service to stock replenishment, cash handling to supervision the details of which are detailed in my attached Resume.

I am an excellent candidate for this job and have in excess of 6 years expereience in retail customer service. I'm and excited and enthused about returning to the workforce after a period at home with my kids.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerly,
Melanie R*********s

[JLeigh29]

I like SpringAngel's letter. The 'mother of 3' part might not be the best to lead with either.