Teenager - Would You Leave For A Weekend?

[fionas]

DP and I have a dilemma.

We've been invited to a party this weekend down on the Great Ocean Road. The party aside, DP and I would like to go away for the weekend. DP's currently on leave (he has to take leave when he's told to) but we can't go for a big holiday because we have a 16-year-old DSD and it's not school holidays. Which means we won't get a proper family holiday until next year.

Anyhow, DSD doesn't want to come with us. That leave us with a dilemma:

1. Just don't go (and basically have our holidays dictated by whether a 16-year-old wants to come).
2. Put our foot down and make her come.
3. Allow her to stay in Melbourne and arrange with one of her friends to sleepover at their house for two nights. Obviously we would talk to the friend's parent and ensure that she is actually going to sleep there. Would you take her key off her too?
4. Offer that she can bring a friend with her for the weekend - we've given her that choice but she didn't seem too keen.

It's not really a question of trust - DSD has not been in any trouble since she's lived with us and she's been very responsible. I guess I just feel like an irresponsible parent leaving her behind in Melbourne ... but at the same time don't want her needs to trump ours.

We have no relatives she can stay with.

[diannescruffy]

I think the sleeping over at her friends place sounds like the best option. As far as having a key, would there be any need for her to go back to your place? If she takes everything she needs I don't think I'd leave a key. Hope you work everything out.

Regards,
Dianne

[Bengal]

Definatly go with # 2 or 3 . It will be nice for your to have a weekend away

If DSD decides that bringing a g/f with her is her final choice, you have to pick the right g/f, some
girls get along really well for a whole weekend others dont

[SamiH]

My parents left me for a weekend with a friend at home when I was that age HOWEVER my dad was the local cop in a one man police station so I had the eyes of the town on me anyways

In Melbourne, nup I wouldnt leave her either - and I agree see if she can stay with a friends - I wouldnt take the keys off her (but think up a trap so you would know if she has been home - one that 16yo don't think we are smart enough to know - like, leaving the toilet seat up - automatically put it down and prob dont think to put it back up again hehehehe)

have a great time most of all!

[Nai]

I would do #3 or 4 - either she stays with a friend that you know & trust and she knows you have spoken to the parents or she comes with you and brings a friend. If you force her to go alone she could make the weekend miserable for you by sulking the whole time but if she has a friend they are likely to just do their own thing and let you enjoy yourself.

My parents left me for the weekend when I was 16 and I had a big party and nearly trashed the house

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

My parents left me in charge of my younger sisters when I was 17 and all we did was paint the living room for Mum!

You said that you have no trust issues with her - perhaps you could view this as a test of her independance, KWIM?

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Option 3 is the best idea. Dont force her to go.. she will put a downer on the whole holiday. Dont leave her at home, its too dangerous. Dont let her stop u from going.

[AwesomeFoursome]

I would do #3.

[Janie]

I too would go with option 3. Although, given that you've had no trust issues with her, I would be very reluctant to take her key away. As long as you've spoken to (and trust) the parents of the girl she's staying with, and spoken to your DSD about what's expected of her, things should be fine. I think that taking her key away, when's she's given you no reason to do so, would be really unproductive, trust-wise. BUT, you know her best, ultimately you guys will know what the right thing is.

I understand her not wanting to go, but I definitely do not think you should stay home because of that. No way. I hope you guys can work it out, and have a great weekend

[fionas]

Thanks guys - always good to have other opinions. I must say, my first instinct was not to go but I think as I said in my OP that will just mean that we feel DSD gets the final say in where our holidays are and we're at her mercy.

So I think we'll go #3.

While I think it's pretty unlikely that she would have a party and trash the house, I guess the possibility is always there and I think for peace of mind we should take her key off her. Like I said, she's given us no reason for us not to trust her since she's been living with us (for seven months now) but before she came here she had been experimenting with booze, drugs etc. so I'd rather not put temptation in her way. I think we'll just explain to her that even allowing her to stay behind on her own is putting a lot of trust in her already. She won't be happy not to have her key but hey, at the end of the day she's only 16 and she can't call all the shots, right?

Besides, if she has the key, that leaves open the possibility that she'll tell the parent whose house she's meant to be sleeping in that she's changed her mind and she's going to sleep at another friend's house, leaving that parent to have to contact us and basically keep an eye on the situation. I think that puts too much onus on the other parent. Easier if we just take the key off her.

Of course, that situation's not foolproof, she could go out and get another key cut in the meantime but at least we would have done everything possible to keep her safe.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Me at home age 16: couple of friends over, few drinks, couple of movies. Lie-in the next morning. Lived in about 3 rooms of the house so I didn't have to tidy the whole house before Mum and Dad came home. (Amusing as I currently live in a 5-room house, including the hall!)

Sis at home age 16: Spent 3 days cleaning after a party held at the weekend.

I keep thinking about Sis' wild parties when she was home alone as a teenager. I'd be getting DSD to stay with a friend too!

[mrsmac]

I have left Jess at home at 16 and its been fine but my dad lives nearby! I have had her stay at a friends too and have contacted the friend's mum and exchanged mobile numbers and said if they try to change any plans call me!!
I think you should trust her to still have her key, I know wild parties seem to be on the news all the time but truly I very rarely hear about them from DD and none which are while the parents are away and she tells me things. It doesn't seem as much of a big deal to have parties while peoples parents are away now as it was when I was a teen, DD goes to heaps of parties with alcohol and worse where the parents are home.

[AliBaby]

If you trust her let her stay. We dtayed at home as teens and did throw parties but they were controlled parties and not my space parties. Once a friends parents went away and she had a party , the house got trashed. We helped her clean up the next couple of days and we got found out as the house was cleaner than when then parents left. We had to steam clean the carpet!

I think its all part of being a teen.

[Karina]

I reckon that if she is responsible, then let her stay at home or oranise with one of her friends parents for her to stay there.
My parents let me stay at home by myself plenty of times when I was that age while they went on holidays. I think as long as she is responsible, and can look after herself, then ti should be ok. Are there any other family or family friends in the area too?

[squidipa]

i would ring her friends mother and ask her if she can stay for 1 week? is that possible?

[fionas]

i would ring her friends mother and ask her if she can stay for 1 week? is that possible?

Not sure I understand squidipa - we're only going away for two nights?

[squidipa]

sorry y brain is scattery today, you said u wanted to go away for 2 days with dh but ur daughter doesn't want to come... can she do a sleep over at a friends house?

[Michelle71]

Number 3 and give the keys to the other parent That way they are available if needed and plans are not easily changed.