Should I be sympathetic?

[LaDeeDa]

DH has started helping overnight with DS in the last fortnight....normally getting up with him at 4am when he wakes for the day before he leaves for work at 6.30am.

He still stayes up late playing computer etc...but reckons he's been coping.
The last 4 nights I haven't had any help as he's been too tired and DS has been shocking overnight .... last night 6 wake ups and I spent all night twisted into a pretzel to keep a boob in DS's mouth a sit was the only thing that would shut him up - so I am so tired after 4 nights of no sleep I almost feel like I need a chunder.

DH has taken today and tomorrow off work as he is soooooooooooooooo tired he is just not coping and is making lots of mistakes at work. DH works for a timber company so there is a lot of heavy lifting involved.

Now I feel bad that he feels that shocking but seriously mate - cry me a river - I feel like this everyday ....granted I don't have to lift timber for 10 hours every day but I am so over trying to get him to understand how exhausted I am - because let's face it - I can't possibly be as tired as he is....

So I've been up all night - got up with DS at 7 and DH is still asleep ....the tired, cranky, nasty woman in me is eyeing the icecube tray right now.

Someone tell me to pull my head in or this could end badly

[~clover~]

OOH!!! DO IT!!!!!!!

I would not be sympathising! But then you really do want him back at work don't you? I like to clean up with lots of banging, loud music & vacuuming the bedroom when DH decides he needs a sleep in more than me, lol!

[Turkish Delight]

My Dh stays up late and plays games on the computer too. I retreat to bed as soon as the kids are in bed, so i can wake up with them and face the day (on weekends this is). We both work, so we both deserve a sleep in. But if i don't get one he doesn't either.

Like BJ said... i vacuum right outside our bedroom door, yell at the kids, make all sorts of noise so he gets up.

If i did the ice cube thing....the day would be hell. So probably not worth it.

[willow5]

OOH!!! DO IT!!!!!!!

I would not be sympathising! But then you really do want him back at work don't you? I like to clean up with lots of banging, loud music & vacuuming the bedroom when DH decides he needs a sleep in more than me, lol!

I would so be thinking the same thing

But bjrose is right it would probably be a little counter productive so go the noisy cleaning up!!

Hope you get some decent sleep soon

Maybe when DH wakes up you can go and have a sleep??!!

[Stevie]

just make plenty of noise!!
If i did the ice cube tray option, there would be hell to pay and i would never live it down (and id be sleeping with one eye open ready for some pay back from him )

[LaDeeDa]

Yeah I know that it's a bit mean ....but it would give me so much satisfaction ..LMAO

I am just sooooooooooo sick of constantly trying to defend my exhaustion or need for a break....yes DH works but so do I IYKWIM.....

[Astrid]

Gosh, sounds so much like my DH. No-one is ever as tired/sick/works hard like him He also stays up late on the computer

It is hard when you know they need to go to work and perform well. I tend to let him sleep in now, but I do get him up then make him help out with the kids. So he gets some rest and I get some help.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

personally... ide let him sleep.. mayb for a little more.

Hes more likley to help u today if he has had more sleep.

[LaDeeDa]

I wouldn't mind if he helped - but he'll most likely get up and then play his computer game all day....I can't go and do something for me if I know he leaves DS plonked in front of the TV and only gets up to him when he really cracks it

I dunno....I think I am being a bit of a sook this morning...

[Rouge]

Ok... I don't mean this badly but... is his work dangerous?

A good friend of mine has twin girls. She had to do all the nights with them on her own and she made sure that her hubby didn't help her unless it was the weekend. Because he is a sparky. And if he was tired and made an error it could cost him his life. For me I'm lucky in that DH worked with code so yeah it could go wrong a bit, but he was always fixing everyone elses mistakes so it was ok for him to make a few whilst we both tried to keep our heads above water when it comes to sleeping and night patterns. But had DH been in a job that his mistakes could cost him his job, or the mistakes he could make through tiredness could cost him his life then no I wouldn't make him get up to help. BUT if he had some time off up his sleave I would get him to go flexi if he could. Which is another thing we did. If DH helped out he would go in late and either work later (because it was easier to cope with a baby at 7pm than it was at 3 am) and we did it that way. But once again not everyone has that luxury.

It is hard, but in my house I was the primary care giver of our children and he was the primary bread winner, and I could nap if I really wanted to when bubs did. He couldn't nap at his desk But having said that he helped me out a LOT! But if I thought it was affecting his efficiency at work (which it never did) I would have told him to stop.

I guess I can only really comment on my position because I know my hubby and I know his sleep patterns and what we went through. Everyone is different and everyone needs to find the right balance for their family

Ok well I just saw your post... not helping when he is around... not cool. DH would always help when he can and still does. He does bath routine, we took turns in bedtimes and resettling, he would do nappies, get me a glass of water if I was breast feeding and if he came home and I said I didn't feel like cooking he would offer. Just because he can't cope with the nighttime stuff doesn't mean he gets to be a decorative feature to your home rather than a participant. Go the ice.

[LaDeeDa]

I know what you mean Rouge and I am the same - I never "make" him get up - it is something he has been chosing to do because he felt he was able to cope with it - I have done the night shift completely by myself for the last 5 months.
His job is dangerous because he does drive a forklift etc but it is mainly lifting and packing orders.
He makes mistakes because he is always in such a rush to do things that sometimes things get forgotten....bull at a ggate iykwim.

The thing that frustrates me at the moment is he'll stay up until 10.30-12 playing the puter and then whinge about being exhausted. When it is self inflicted I just really struggle to be understanding.

I think if he turned around and said - you know babe I realise you don't get any sleep and you are completely exhausted too but I feel like XYZ... then I would be more sympathetic but he is constantly insinuating that I sit on the couch eating marshamallows all day ....LOL

I think I should go and get back out of bed on the right side

ETA: Just saw the addition to your post...my thoughts exactly....considering putting a big scratch in his DIABLO disc ....LOL

[~clover~]

No, stay on your side, lol. I think a better idea would be to send your DH, my DH on holidays....camping.....with ALL 4 CHILDREN!! No pc, no TV....
Then you & I can sleep & they can see how easy our lives really are!!

[Lulu]

Oh HUGE pffft to him Dee.

I don't give a crap he has to lift timber all day - the man is a GIANT and is practically built for that. He's the sooky la la not you.

Since he is having a day off, helping with blue (although he's a big bubba he doesn't weigh as much as a tree) and faffing about with some washing is STILL an easier day.

What's the problem with helping you??? Geez.

N doesn't even live here and he does all the washing (cos I hate hanging it out in the cold - me sook) and folding, mows the lawns and trims the hedges....

ICE ICE BABY...

[~clover~]

ICE ICE BABY...

[[M]umma[M]ia]

I wouldn't mind if he helped - but he'll most likely get up and then play his computer game all day....I can't go and do something for me if I know he leaves DS plonked in front of the TV and only gets up to him when he really cracks it

I dunno....I think I am being a bit of a sook this morning...

mayb the power lead out of the comp will just go missing???

go to the park together.. drag him out of the house.. then he has n choice.

[SugarDust]

Gosh, sounds so much like my DH. No-one is ever as tired/sick/works hard like him

My DF is the same! being a SAHM isn't a "REAL" job but he did state 2 weeks ago to his best mate that I work harder than his GF! I nearly fell over!

He thinks that just because he can get everything done as well as look after the kids means I can do it to! In HIS dreams!!

About a year ago I was at an intimo party when I got a call from him fuming because the 2 boys had drawn all over the walls and carpet with texta and blamed me for it... I wasn't there I wasn't looking after them so how is it my fault?

[rufalina]

mayb the power lead out of the comp will just go missing???

I was going to say the same thing... Hope you get a little hope when he wakes up. You could also try the "i need some food for dinner, I will go to the shops and you watch DS for minute" Ill be back in 10, but you need to have the keys in your hand and be halfway out the door before he can suggest he will go, and then take an hour or so before you return... I know that doesn't get sleep, but it gets you a break...

[LaDeeDa]

Well girls ...he got up at 10.30 - watched a movie and went back to bed at 3.30
Lucky for him Blue is an angel today or he'd be in trouble ...LOL