Do you look outside your square?

[Rouge]

Do you think outside your own square when contemplating the actions of others? Or do you focus more on how other people's actions affect you? And when does thinking of others moreso make you a victim vs not thinking at all making you narcissistic?

I try to keep the balance. I hate automatically jumping to the conclusion that everyone is out to hurt me, and generally my philosophy is that if they don't know they are hurting me and I haven't told them they are, then I can expect them to change and be annoyed by their actions. Even if it seems like common sense to me. Thats because of the life I've lived. And just because I view something a certain way doesn't mean everyone else will.

What do you think?

[Oorki Galoorki]

i definatly do both!
But as terrible as it sounds I come first... so i make sure mine(and my families) needs are met before i get hung up on what others have done...not sure if that answers your post...??

[maz]

I try and remove myself from the situation and try to view things from the other person point. Its been along road to get to this point....I use to take things so personally and get upset over the smallest things...but life has tossed me some huge challenges in the past few years which have made me more open to listen rather then put my foot first.

[Doing my best]

Even though I get so angry and upset at the time, I normally calm down and always try to believe the person never meant to hurt me (and yes even my MIL)..

As you say, we all view things differently. Different cultures, generations and beliefs can make us interpret things in a way they weren't intended.

I also know that I can be too lenient in my thinking that it wasn't meant that way, and not say anything, that I leave myself open for the same cycle again..

[Lulu]

Seriously I know I'm not that important....

[maz]

Seriously I know I'm not that important....

OH shut up lady you dont know what you do for some people babe

[fionas]

I think I've always found the balance hard. I tend to make excuses for people that hurt me and ALWAYS see things from their point of view. I think in the last year or so, I've swung the other way so my challenge at the moment is to find a balance.

I don't want to go back to being a martyr whose feelings/needs come last but I also need to keep finding the patience and energy to keep explaining those feelings/needs. For someone who doesn't really like talking about their feelings (writing is another matter LOL), this is really, really hard work.

It's also really hard to work out where the line should be drawn on continually explaining your feelings or whether the other person should just bloody well listen more.

[diva det]

i definately think outside the square- all the time!!!
so much so that alot of my friends run senarios past me all the time as i can usually come up with a different approach on things that they havent thought of.

I do this as i have a firm belief that people act or react a certain way- as often that is all they are capable of. I am not disappointed when someone does or doesnt do something as often their intent is there, but they are not capable of carrying it out or though- i hope that this makes sense!!
For instance, we our twins were born, i expected people to act and help out. This did not happen. I soon realised that the case was that they were not capable of helping out- it wasnt a skill that they had.

I also firmly believe that our actions cause follow on actions- if you show negative onto someone- then that negative will come back to you- the good ole Karma train toot toot!! Remorse only bring about negative back to you. Wishing love and kindness will bring it back as well!
Holding on to negative thought will only eat you up- send out the love and love will come back!!!
hmm a bit deep for 11pm and 3 hours sleep in 48 hours lol!!!
just my thoughts . . . .

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Depends sometimes.

If I'm feeling fragile then I focus on me. I need to be narcassistic: but only for the good things. The bad things are just them not thinking.

When I'm on form, I'm fantastic. "Wow Miss, you looked young" simply means that a few years ago I looked young, not that I look old now. I say something daft and I'll laugh about it; it's not rude to laugh. Point and laugh usually is, but just laughing isn't. I have to be very fragile to take offence at that.

Does that make sense? And answer the question?

[Astrid]

I really swing with this one. My mother was very narcissistic, so everything was about her. So I was brought up to constantly think about how things affected her, but also that actions/situations never just "were" but there was also something insidious behind them, like a personal attack. She truly believed the world revolved around her.

So I can spend too much time thinking about what others think, but also trying to read something else into situations. Often when confronted by a new situation I fall back into being narcissistic. DH will have to point out to me that it is not all about me and that some things have actually nothing to do with me. The silly thing is, if the same situation is happening to someone else, I am often quite good at seeing both sides and not automatically jumping to one person's defence.

[Bathsheba]

I've been able to see/think outside the square a bit better as I have grown older. I was definitely more paranoid and self centred as a youngster... kind of until I had my second child (about 35) then I guess life really started to get hectic (at home as opposed to life outside the home) and draining and I had to start to decide which things/people were really worth worrying about.

But I also grew more confident of my emotional reaction to things and more tolerant of others as a compromise. Essentially I was able to/had to decide who was worth really caring about and who i couldn't help at this time... and when i decided who I cared about I decided to really care... instead of kinda half caring about everyone. IYKWIM? It became quality vs quantity.

I still find it tricky to strike the perfect balance... but I also don't expect instant results as much as I did earlier in life. I have really learned to slow down. Because of this I find that I am able to have a better look outside my own square... and I notice more stuff than I did before. I think when people become time poor this is one of the first things to suffer: being able to see beyond themselves. I don't always get it right... but I'm less scared of dealing with the consequences of upsetting someone because these days I feel ok about apologizing if I get it wrong. And I still get it wrong