im having a really terrible day

**Butterfly Child** · October 19th, 2009, 01:10 PM

Ive had the worst day ...

i woke up on a pretty positive note then usual for a monday i was going to have a talk with Xp about trying to get along and about my problems im having with him coming late when he visits dd of a monday or him just forgetting to turn up and iwas feeling positive i was doing the right thing for grace and myself .

well i get a phone call at 11 wen hes soppose to be here already n he says he going to be late sorry he'll be there in an hour... i was like ok wel i have an appointment at 3 and hes like yeh thats fine blah blah i was like thats fine

So i open the door an heres him, his friend and his gf who is one of my good friends..(wtf) there like surprise! they came in and i felt really uneasy they tried to talk and make converstaion and everything then they left when dd got tired

Ok so right now im alitle confused about what to think about this whole thing i cant figure out why xp did this i feel

a) betrayed by my friend as i feel like shes on his side, shes like "we have to go out one night n we can leave grace with xp and his friend blah blah" im like "i dont think so i have only ever left her twice and that was with my mum who lives with me n dd and thats hard enough" let alone with Xp who i dont trust whos irresponsible who cant even consistently come once a week.( i didnt say the last part) i feel like ive lost a friend and that everything ive ever told her i shouldnt have because she'll never understand and se's prob told xp

b) angry at xp for making me into the bad guy, for humilating me for using my friends in some way against me. and for making this whole thing so hard when im trying so damn hard to make this whole thing easier for him and in the long run for grace

Im feeling really low and confused and like my life has gone totally out of controll
heres me trying to be extra nice and make it ultimatly better for all of us by trying to talk so we can all get along..

I dont understand anything anymore.. i dont no if this even makes sense

**Butterfly Child** · October 19th, 2009, 01:34 PM

**Footsteps** · October 19th, 2009, 01:43 PM

no advice just hugs emma does not sound nice hun, stay strong xxx

**~Trish~** · October 19th, 2009, 01:47 PM

Sorry you are having a rough day.

Maybe your XP doesn't feel comfortable coming on his own? (Hence why he's unreliable) It doesn't make it OK, but maybe he feels insecure? I'm sorry you feel hurt by your friend, I understand why you would

.

Sorry, I don't have any advice to offer, I just wanted to give you a hug

.

**Ellie** · October 19th, 2009, 01:56 PM

Just wanted to say I think you are amazing dealing with all this! Just be true to yourself...and be the mum, woman, person you want your daughter to see...stand strong...you'll do great!!!

**Bengal** · October 19th, 2009, 01:56 PM

Butterfly

I dont know you hun, I have read some of your posts in the past. I really feel for you, you make so much effort for this XP.

I think in time, you will realise that you are not meant to be the one, using all your precious energy, making things easier for him. He needs to use his energy making things easier for you and Grace.

**Claire_A** · October 19th, 2009, 02:54 PM

Oh hun, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I think you have to stop trying to make things easier for your XP and instead just focus on yourself and Grace. I can see how hard you're trying to make the best out of a yucky situation but if XP can't even make the effort to turn up on time (or at all) then bugger him. I know you're doing this for Grace and you are an amazing mum for doing this. But you know what, I grew up without a Dad (well he was around just not very much and didn't give a toss about us anyway) and at the end of the day I don't feel like I missed out on anything because I had an amazing mum who would make up ten fold for not having a crappy Dad. Grace will be the same. She will thank you for being the best mum in the world and you'll be an inspiration to her of what a strong, independent woman can do! You can't change XP, he is what he is, but you can decide to not let his actions affect you anymore. I know it's easier said than done, but try to stop blaming yourself for his shortcomings.

As for your friends, it's hard when you're the first one to have a baby so no one else really understands. They don't get that you can't just leave your bub with anyone for a night out on the town and they won't get it until they have their own kids. Maybe if you organise for a catch up with your friend just one on one so you can explain the whole situation to her, it might help for her to see things from your perspective?

hun, I'm here if you ever want to talk xx

**luna moth** · October 19th, 2009, 03:38 PM

+1 to everything claire said. Good words.

I'm sorry that you feel rubbish. It's a bit of a rough road, mate, but you'll be OK. Your friend will know, one day, she'll understand. So don't worry. XP, well, dunno what you can do there, but just grunt through. Be the awesome mum we all know you are.

**Heaven** · October 19th, 2009, 04:02 PM

So you didn't know your xp and friend were together until they turned up?? And they expect you to be happy for them?? Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me

**Claire_A** · October 19th, 2009, 04:15 PM

Oh I missed that part - I thought it was his friends girlfriend! Geez that's just horrible!

**thepixie** · October 19th, 2009, 05:50 PM

**Butterfly Child** · October 19th, 2009, 06:15 PM

Thx so much girls

No its his Friends GF who is one of my gd friends well so i thought..

Claire- Your words really have helped me today you have no idea, today has been sucha horrible day i have felt so down , i dont know why i let it bother me so much! it probably sounds like nothing but just trying to stay positive at the moment throughout this whole single mum journey has been really hard DD

~Trish~ i think your right there maby he is feeling insecure i might txt him and ask him if next monday he comes alone so we can talk about trying to get along n make this whole thing work, i really want the next 18 + years to go alot more smoothly then the last 7 months have been iykwim

I really need tips /stratagies on coping with anger n anxiety it feels like every monday i have to try and phyc myself into being positive and calm to get through the day. i have to also work out what i should say to him,

Thx to all of you beautiful ladies you have brought some light into such a horrible dark day today

**Claire_A** · October 19th, 2009, 07:02 PM

Hun what you're doing is no small thing - you are amazing! I can only imagine how you're feeling, but make sure you tell yourself what an amazing job you're doing, because you truly are! Gosh parenting is hard enough with a partner, so the fact you're doing it on your own and on top of it having to deal with an incompetent ex, deserves a medal! It's ok to have down days, know we're all here for you to vent any time. I can't really give advice on staying positive and calm when you have to deal with XP because you're much more patient than me!

Hope things improve for you

**Amity** · October 19th, 2009, 07:36 PM

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever done in my whole life, and I have a high-powered high-stress job as it is. Parenting, on your own, is definitely harder.

Although I do find parenting two children is better than parenting three (when XH was around LOL!)

Be true to yourself. Put yourself first - remember, happy Mummy means happy baby... and always know that you are the best Mum for your baby.

What your XP does is up to him - you can't make him reasonable, or behave normally. Those choices are up to him. Live your life for you and DD and you will be just fine.

Regards