Demanding a payment contract

[Sammiejane]

Hi,

DSS lives with his mum and we pay her child support that its assessed by the CS agency.
Recently a notice came through saying that we had to pay slightly less. We kept to the orginal amount as we could afford it at that time.
She kicked up a stick and said that we have to come to an external agreement about the money as she is sick of going thought child supoort -

a bit of background.
Every year, pretty much, she has haulled us in for a change of assessment asking for more and more money, never is it granted as her claims are unfounded and often based on the fact that i earn a significant amount of money and she cannot get her head around the fact that i dont have to support her.

She does not work and pretty much refuses to, whihc was fair enough when DSS younger (even though she sent him to family day care EVERY day) but he is to be in grade 6 next year so she has oppertunity to work (she is also skilled so that is not an issue)

Anyway, she has cycled back into a nasty frame of mind again and she told us last night that we will not see DSS after this weekend unless we write her a letter saying how much we will pay her a month and have an agreement outside of child support.

Honestly, we dont care where the agreement is, but our concern now is that she will withhold DSS until we agree to pay her what ever the amount is that she wants.
We are inclinde to pay her what we have done in the past

Anyone got any thoughts on what might be hapening?

Thanks

[~clover~]

I'd stick with CSA amounts. Unless you are happy otherwise.
I take it you guys have no court orders in place? Maybe you'll have to think about going that far? If she does stop you seeing him though.
Sounds like she might not coz she'd be giving up her free time when he's with you guys...

Poor little guy is too old now. He can see what she's doing. This will all come back & bite her on the bum one day.

[Babytalk]

I have recently gone through a similar thing with my step children. There mother cries broke all the time even though she is getting a hell of alot of money offf my partyner fornightly. She then says that we are going to investigated yet again lol, bring it on! Nothing is found and then we find out that she is taking the kids overseas for a month, WTF? She is working and has a partner staying in the house with hjer but of course does not tell the agency about the changes. She is abusing the system and ourselves, oh what a shock she will get when the payments are cut short when we have a baby. Lol sweet sweet revenge.

You hold in there and dont let that witch blackmail you both, also do not settle things outside the agency because she will put prices up and up all the time, if you are paying support she legally can not stop you from seeing your DSS. xoxo let me know how you go.

[briggsy's girl]

the child support is in no way related to the access to the child - they are two very seperate things

first thing - don't leave the child support agency - if she is trying to black mail you guys into paying more now, imagine what it may end up being if she knows she can win?

if she witholds access to the child and you don't have court orders in place - seek mediation immediately. get parenting orders in place. if you think she will try this again, get the parenting orders put through the court system to make them court orders. if she witholds care, she is then in contempt of court

contact the family relationships advice line for more advice

but mostly - do not give in! seriously - she is using your DSS in a twisted game to get more money. he is a child with emotions that she is screwing with - he is not a pawn in her game - don't let her play the game - call her bluff, contact FRAL and get advice and do it ALL above board. keep records of all contacts, all comments - and when it comes to mediation, lay it on the table. you have said x to get y. he is paying more than he has to - this is for the wellbeing of DSS, NOT to support the lifestyle you believe you should be having - and it in no means constitutes as payment for me spending time with DSS

sigh - people that play this game drive me insane - children are people with hearts and brains - and they work it out damn quick!

[Rivlas]

I agree, keep all documentation between you both and don't give in.
Get advice asap so it shows you have got advice if it goes further.
Hopefully she is bluffing and it goes no further
The sad thing is that she is hurting her son with her behaviour, be it directly or indirectly. Just be there for him when he visits

[tiggerandpooh]

:yeahthat:

[Sammiejane]

Thanks guys for your answers
BG i was hoping that you would see this.

We have to give her something in writing tomorrow otherwise there will be no Christmas holidays etc.
Should we just say that we agree to continue paying what we have been and that we will refer back to the CSA for further instruction?

Pity we didnt have a chance to call them today...

[AngelPunks]

Nothing is found and then we find out that she is taking the kids overseas for a month, WTF?

you do realise that she needs the permission of the other parent to take a child out of the country or to get a passport - you can stop her taking them out of the country. My brother & sil (who are very much married) would get a phone call if they booked flights with only one parent going (which they did on a regular basis as they had 4 kids & would do split shift holidays when my brother would take 2 on holiday and then later on that year my sil would take the other 2)

[AliBaby]

Just wanted to offer a

She sounds like a dragon.

Dont give in to her

[briggsy's girl]

please dont' give her anything in writing tomorrow. she cannot hold you to ransom like that. call FRAL now - they may still be available.

IF you feel an need to put something in writing, put it only for a limited time frame - say december/january PENDING DISCUSSION WITH CSA. i would be VERY reluctant to sign anything for her though. try FRAL now. please
if she is going to try and stop christmas access, they might have a parenting advisor or something that can give you immediate advice.
don't quote me, but they may even be open for calls saturday mornings (i can't remember the times from referring at work - haven't been in a while!)

[Sammiejane]

Just a side note on that too... unless you have spoken to CSA and made the agreed amount the higher amount, all it does it acrue the amount against your claim. It will not get forwarded onto the other party unless you are behind in your payments... Something you might not have known?

We pay to her not to CSA even though the amount is set by them... we asked if we could pay directly to the CSA and have been told in the past that she actually has to request this and if she does not, then we have to continue the way that it is. Sounds stupid really and i dont get the point of why we cant pay CSA and have to pay her - really it would be easier that way as then we wouldnt have to argue about it...

BG I have made DH read all of this and have left it up to him, i cant tell him what to do. he is feeling really torn at the moment, she is holding us over a barrel really.

We have a xmas holiday planned (we dont have him this xmas as he prefers to do one year one, one year off as he gets too upset changing familys mid way though xmas day ) we are limited when we can go away as we both work and can only have a certian time off.
She knows this- she doesnt work and she is just be difficult.... its awful, she just doesnt care about DSS - who incidentally wet the bed last night (he is almost 12) so we know things are starting to get to him again as he hasnt done that in ages... poor little thing.

Luckily we kept the text message that she told us that unless we signed an agreement she would not make any holiday arangement for him...