Moving to a Different State..

[Ginger]

Hi there, just wondering if any BBers have moved interstate and how hard they have found it. How long does it take to 'find your feet' in the new state? Do you get homesick, missing your old home? How do you go about making new friends? Do you travel back 'home' very often to catch up with people? Does the new place ever really become your 'home'?

Any experiences would be much appreciated. We are thinking of making the move to a different state, mainly for DH's business and the opportunity to make more money. He used to live there, so has friends and family,,but i have no friends of 'my own' so to speak, only people through DH. This worries me a bit. None of his friends have young kids, except for one cousin who has kids who are older than mine- but apart from that family i would basically know no-one with kids. Is it hard to establish support networks etc.? i would be leaving behind my mothers group that i have been meeting with for the last 2.5 yrs. Thanks for sharing your thoughts xoxo

[Arimeh]

Hey chick
As you know, I moved from Queensland to Tassie late last year. It wasn't "hard" to move, so to speak - actually our situation is a bit reversed to what you guys have - I grew up in tassie (moved away when I was 14) and DH knows nobody down here. I have family down here (cousins, aunties and uncles and my dad) and he has nobody.

My situation is a little bit different - since I was having another baby, as soon as she was born, I got hooked up with the MCHN down here, and a LC - so they became my support. Plus - there are BB members in every state don't forget I'd be lost without Sterla and I got to meet Missy Moo and other members as well (who are all awesome!)

But I see one of my cousins probably every fortnight, and she has 3 kids, 2 of them are nearly exactly the same age as DS and DD1. So they get to play with them. And they love it when Sterla brings her little boy over.

I'm not missing my family that much - BUT - my mum is coming down tomorrow for what will be the 3rd time since September. So I've actually seen her more since I've moved than when I lived 45 minutes away from her.. lol..I do miss my brother and sister but don't actually miss living in Queensland (hellooo its freakin hot up there!). I talk to my brother and SIL on Skype pretty regularly, which is just like talking to them in their loungeroom, so I don't feel too homesick. I do miss my sister cos she doesn't have the internet, but we talk pretty often, and text nearly every night.

I think you never know what experience life is gonna throw at you next, so you may as well make the most of every opportunity. What's to lose? You can always move back.

[~Kim~]

Ginger we're just about to do just this.....please tell me you're moving to Alice Springs lol.
So just ing and subscribing.

[Ahurani]

Ooh I am eagerly awaiting peoples replies we are thinking of moving from Melb to Cairns

Even though grew up in Perth then moved here when I was 18. I met a few people through my course and the cheersquad. But its different now Im all grown up lol

[DaintreeDream]

Ooh I am eagerly awaiting peoples replies we are thinking of moving from Melb to Cairns

Your in Melb?! We are hoping to move to Cairns too, we are hoping by the end of the year (that is the dream mentioned under my name).

Sorry Ginger, I am no help but I hope that more people pop in too as I am keen to hear everyones replies.

[Ginger]

Wow! Lots of people thinking of, or going through the same thing! LOL

Arimeh- thanks for your response. How is your Dh handling it? Is he feeling isolated?

Kim- no, we're thinking of going to Sydney. Alice Springs is way too hot for me! LOL

NurseKobeh- iywym about it being different when you're grown up. I'm worried i'll never meet anyone, especially as i'm a SAHM so won't even meet anyone at work.

[YoYo]

Ginger I'll be back later to reply (DS Dinner time is calling) but I didn't moved states, I moved countries! Guess that's the same!!!! Sorta!

[Arimeh]

Arimeh- thanks for your response. How is your Dh handling it? Is he feeling isolated?

DH is fine I think. He didn't have a LOT of friends up in QLD, so its not like I dragged him away from anything - other than his family of course, who he talks to on Skype as well (looove Skypin')

Its different for him though than it would be for you, cos he's at work, and the people there have been really nice to him, and he feels like he has friends already.

BUT - if you are moving to Sydney - girl, do you know how many freakin BBer's are in Sydney? Gawd, you'd have em comin out of the wood work to meet up with ya!!

[Ahurani]

Your in Melb?! We are hoping to move to Cairns too, we are hoping by the end of the year (that is the dream mentioned under my name).

Yep hehehe. I want to live in redlynchhh so bad

[mbear]

Babe, if your moving to where i think your moving, its a very, very young family orientated area......dont expect to make best friends in 6 months or anything, but getting yourself out there with swimming lessons, mums groups etc your bound to make some connections...and dont forget when DS starts school ( know, seems a zillion miles away,but really, it isnt) you will meet mums there, all scared and anxious like you....and you will just click with some....promise...

[Junglemum]

You'll meet people, just the same as down here. It will take a while, but it would soon feel like home.

I have lived lots of places, interstate, overseas, mostly away from any friends and family. If you get out of the house and do things like swimming lessons, play group etc etc. You'll soon make friends. Although i will admit as i get older i tend to make less friends. Getting picky as i get older.

The thought of going is MUCH worse than the reality. promise!

[Ellee05]

Hi Ginger & others that are looking at making the big move

2 years ago DH and I moved from QLD where we had lots of friends and family, great lifestyle and made the move to a remote WA town.

Yes I do get homesick, although at the same time I don't know where home is now but I do know it isn't where we used to live. My homesick is more for the facilities.

Webcam makes life a bit easier, especially since we now have DD we're still able to show off her growing and its nice to see peoples face.

I think that having a little one will make it easier to meet people. Look up playgroup website and find one in the area you'll be living. Sport is a big thing to meet people too. When we moved within a week we were both playing sport that we hadn't played in 9 years but it was a gateway to many friendships.

Our motto was "this is an adventure" we were hoping to last a year but hopefully 2 or 3 years. Well it is two years now and while I'd love to move it is purely because of having DD as there are no facilities and it is far too hot to go walking in summer and next summer she'll be wanting to play outside and I just won't be able to let that happen much. We'll probably be leaving in the next year.

I hope that the move goes smoothly for you (if that is what you decide) and you throw yourself into your local community and meet lots of fabulous friends of your own.

[Curly]

I guess I'm qualified to answer this. In the past 12 years I have moved

Sydney > London > Sydney > Melbourne > Sydney > Melbourne > Sunshine Coast

I'm a Sydney girl, went overseas for 2.5 years, came back for 18 months, moved to Melbourne, stayed for 6 years, moved back to Sydney and gave up after 5 months to move back to Melbourne and then 6 months ago moved to the Sunshine Coast!

Having kids does make it a lot easier to meet people because you have an instant talking point. You do have a headstart with your DH's connections though. When we moved to Melbourne we knew 2 people and we knew absolutely nobody up here on the Sunshine Coast.

I will say though that you need to give yourself at least a year to really settle in and you will probably have a wobble around the 6 month mark because that's when the novelty wears off but you probably haven't made too many close ties yet so will feel a bit isolated...if there's ever a time when you will seriously consider just going home, it is then.

Does a new place ever become your home? Yes, absolutely. It's a strange feeling though, you wind up with more than one home...where you come from, and where you now live, and you love them both. I think I will always have split affections for both Sydney and Melbourne now. I have been away from Sydney too long to consider it home anymore but it's where I grew up, and Melbourne is still where my heart is because I haven't been in Queensland for very long yet. And I still miss London, even though I haven't been back there in 10 years now. For a good 3 years after I came back, I still felt like London was more my home than Australia.

The trick to making it feel like home is to embrace the lifestyle. In Melbourne we went out to eat in the city, did the tourist things ourselves, went to the Comedy Festivals and the pubs and the footy and got to know the place. Now up here we are really trying to embrace the outdoors and the beach and that kind of thing.

For me the making friends part does take time. I'm not particularly good at it and I am a bit picky LOL! But I make sure I stay in touch with my friends who aren't here so I still get to have conversations with people who know me well...the acquaintance conversations do stay a bit superficial for some time. And if you join a group (say playgroup) you have to keep going every week, you may not feel like you click straightaway but as the weeks go by the familiarity grows. Start conversations with people, it's amazing how many people are just too shy to start them themselves. It isn't the school playground anymore, you are highly unlikely to get shot down in flames.

I think you have to have fairly sound reasons for moving...it's such a big thing (and a total PITA to organise) to do on a whim. For us it is about how we want our kids to grow up and the kind of lifestyle we want to have for ourselves...we don't plan on moving interstate again...this is it. We loved Melbourne but were never quite sure that was "it" for us. And truthfully I don't have another move in me...I just couldn't face it again.

We always thought we'd wind up back in Sydney but it just didn't work out for us...despite the friends and family connections. We'd been away too long and found ourselves looking at it with outsider's eyes and the quality of life we had in Melbourne just couldn't be replicated there. That's why we bailed out after 5 months, we could see the writing on the wall.

Family and friends will visit you, especially when new babies come along, but by and large you will find that you do more of the visiting than they do. It's very annoying at times but they seem to be of the view that you moved away so you should come back and visit...and then when you do everyone wants a piece of you so it's hardly relaxing - we have spent so many weekends charging around just so everyone could see us for a few hours. We've made a couple of sharp comments over the years that planes fly in both directions...sometimes we get people saying that they can't afford to come and see us but then they don't seem to think that it costs us money to visit them. Now that we have kids and we have told people just how much it costs us to come back to Sydney for a visit we don't get so much of the "so when are you coming back for a visit?"

As someone else said, making the decision is actually harder than moving itself. The novelty of the new place does carry you through the first few weeks. And of course you can always move back...it's expensive but there is no shame in admitting that something isn't what you thought it was going to be. But funnily enough a place can still grow on you nevertheless. I really wasn't that fond of Melbourne after 2 years and would happily have left then but DH had been given a brilliant job opportunity so we stayed. I never thought I would be in tears at the thought of leaving the place but sure enough, when we moved mid last year...I blubbed my little heart out!

And do a couple of research visits before you fully commit. Stay in the area you think you want to live in, check out the fauna at the local shopping centre, watch the local news, go out at night and get a snapshot of what life would be like.

Hope something there helps you.

[Ginger]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful advice ladies!

Curly- your post was fantastic, gave me so much to think about. it's great to be 'aware' about the 6 month mark so that i can be prepared and ride through it iykwim? thank you!

JM- well i guess if you think i can make friends (and you actually know me IRL) then i should be ok LOL

Ellee- thanks for your suggestion, i checked out the playgroup NSW website and there's heaps in the area so that's good to know!

Minimax- do come back i'd love to hear your story.

Arimeh- well i figured there'd be a few BBrs in Syd so hopefully i could go along to a meet-up and make some friends.

Mbear- thanks so much, we figured the area would be quite young and family friendly...but then i wonder how any young family can afford any of those houses LOL some of them are soooo exxxy!!! LOL looks like our house will end up being the biggest dump in the street!

[AnyDream]

will say though that you need to give yourself at least a year to really settle in and you will probably have a wobble around the 6 month mark because that's when the novelty wears off but you probably haven't made too many close ties yet so will feel a bit isolated...if there's ever a time when you will seriously consider just going home, it is then.

This is spot on...for the first few months you're still very entertained by the novelty of it all, plus the challenges of hooking into all the fixtures of your old life in the place (everything from doctors to working out where the best place for fresh fruit & veg or whatever) but after that it can be hard work for a few months. Making friends - hmmm - jury's out on that one - I was a bit burnt in the last place I lived - thought I was forming solid friendships only to discover it was all very fair-weather - but I still have very dear friends and living in a different place sometimes creates catch-up opportunities that you really treasure.

The hardest part IMO out of all of it is being away from family members that you're close to. There aren't many things I regret in life but I do regret not taking DD1 home more often over the 5 years we lived away. My parent's health is compromised now and there are activities etc that they might've been able to do together then that aren't possible now. I have sadness for that. So, if you do move, make this a priority, in fact be ruthless about maintaining those visits and that contact.

[YoYo]

OK I'm back

We moved from Perth to Singapore in June last year.

It took me about 6 months to get used to the change in lifestyle. It's a bit different though. We went from having a car, to having to get around by Taxi and Bus and walking....from having a house with back garden to living in a complex with 500 units and a communal pool....from having a dog, to not (surprising but this was a MASSIVE adjustment for me as my dog is also part of my 'me time' hobby).

It was hard at first being away from family as DS would be constantly asking after 'Nanny' and wondering why she doesn't come over. It's easy to keep up communication though these days so that part is not so bad...it's the guilt I feel for knowing my Mum is missing out on my baby growing up. There's the phone, Skype, facebook, email and all that so it's not too bad, but still not the same.

Making friends is easy to do (I find after moving around a lot as a kid) when you have kids as they tend to be the reason to get out there...rather than it being more for you IYKWIM. They are more of a motivation. I actually made my first friend on facebook before I even arrived here on an Singapore expats group page. I communicated with her on there, and met her when I got here. She didn't live far from me and DS loved her DD! She's moved back to Aus now...and I'm devistated! Through her I made other friends with kids and we catch up ALLL the time. DS goes to a kids gym and we meet there, and have met others there too.

It is a bit scary getting out there, and at first I was reluctant to get too attached just in case things didn't work out and we ended up back home in Perth.

Singapore isn't that far from Perth so we make trips home and my Mum has visited and my MIL & SIL are coming this week. It would be just as easy to travel back and forth for visits when it's interstate too.

I had a real low when I was first pregnant and dealing with morning sickness....it was a lot of woe is me....."No one here to help me, DS is bored and I can't do anything, I can't eat this food, I'm sick of the heat every day, I'm bored of the pool, the shops open too late" etc....you get my drift! Once the sickness was over and I got some motivation back I felt able to get back out there and embrace what I was experiencing.

We are here for a reason, to help us to get ahead in life and to give our children the best future imaginable. YOu have to stay positive and look at it for what you will get out of it, and what you do have....not necesarrily what you are missing out on.

[AngelPunks]

We're moving this year. Closer to my mother's side of the family, which will be great - lots more travel involved. It is going to be an interesting move. To somewhere I've only ever visited about 5 times in my life.

[PinkPalace]

Hi ginger

Well have i moved lately? lol.. understatement!
i am now in the 6 house in 2.5years!

in 2006 we moved from brisbane to north qld - ok not interstate but 1300km away so may as well be
Didnt know a soul! adjusted well - contacted local community centres and got in touch with mothers groups. it was a small town (4000pop) so i found it quite easy to assimilate into.

in 2008 we moved back to brisbane - i actually found this move much harder. OUr lives had changed alot - even though i had friends here originally - i now had a child and was preg with #2. ALL MY friends worked mon -fri. I worked weekends, they get out i couldnt go out partying.
I had to find new groups of friend and in a big city to be honest i found people quite cold . Too busy with their established lives and i didnt like the move much at all.

soo....
in 2009 we moved interstate to the mid north coast of NSW - again didnt know a soul. it is a much bigger town than our 2006 move (60-70,ooo pop). but a great balance. Again contacted local playgroups and have met wonderful people who i call great friend now (we have only been here 7 months).
Dh and i have fitted in greatly and are now settled and hoping not to leave,

Jobs was never an issue - we secured these before each move.

But to be honest (i notice you said sydney??). I would never move to a big city again while the kids are young anyhow. I didnt mould into the cities well like i do in the smaller towns.

HTH

xx