Leaving your baby in day care - how do you get through it?

[Panda74]

DS has just started family day care (6 hours days at the moment - 10 hrs next week) and I am really struggling to see any positives in this situation! This morning he was so anxious when he realised that we were going to leave him and the last two days has cried when we picked him up. I have never seen him look so devastated. The first few weeks he was a trooper but now he's figured out whats going on and is doing it tough. I feel like I am scarring him for life!

If I thought he was in capable hands things would be a lot easier. But I'm not sure. I don't know if she responds to DS when he cries, if she plays with him, cuddles him..I can't be sure. Yes, communication is a big issue too. My husband and I are introverts and English is not her fisrt language so no-one really talks much

I feel sick every morning at drop off and today I was shaking at work I was so nervous about what was happening at day care. I am back on waiting list for FDC so am hoping and praying we will get a call soon..

[BrightSparkles]

DS has just started family day care (6 hours days at the moment - 10 hrs next week) and I am really struggling to see any positives in this situation! This morning he was so anxious when he realised that we were going to leave him and the last two days has cried when we picked him up. I have never seen him look so devastated. The first few weeks he was a trooper but now he's figured out whats going on and is doing it tough. I feel like I am scarring him for life!

If I thought he was in capable hands things would be a lot easier. But I'm not sure. I don't know if she responds to DS when he cries, if she plays with him, cuddles him..I can't be sure. Yes, communication is a big issue too. My husband and I are introverts and English is not her fisrt language so no-one really talks much

I feel sick every morning at drop off and today I was shaking at work I was so nervous about what was happening at day care. I am back on waiting list for FDC so am hoping and praying we will get a call soon..

I can imagine how hard it is hun.
You can stay at the home for a while (however long you like) to watch the interaction between the carer and your DS. That will give you a small idea I guess. You could also talk with the CDO attached to your FDC provider to see how he is when they go and and do assessments (once a month I think - can't be sure how often they area)
Is a communication book a possability to help break that barrier down?
I hope you get a call soon I have my for you.
xx

[Heaven]

Oh I have no advice but couldn't not post.

[Junglemum]

That sounds like a terrible situation. I would go with your gut instinct. If you don't feel like it's the right thing, then perhaps it's not. Do you have any other options? A family member? Not work?
I have no idea of your situation, so it's hard to be helpful! sorry.
I left my two DD's at a gym childcare for an hour, when i got back my youngest (same age as yours) was sitting in a car bouncer type thing and looked like she'd been there the whole time. She was upset. My eldest daughter who is two, was crying out for me at the door, an older child was comforting her while the two childcare workers were having a cup of tea! She couldn't see or hear me so i know se was just crying becasue she didn't know where i was. . So i stopped going to the gym unless someone can look after my girls here. I just couldn't do it. So i am no help at all to you really. It is the worst thing thinking your babies have sub-optimal care.

I really hope you find a FDC that fits better with your family.

[boomba]

Can you get a nanny maybe?

Jungle mumma the same thing happened at my gym thats why I only go if I can get mum to watch
DS1...they came and got me out of a class cause he was upset...instead of holding him and calming him they had him in a high chair???? I cried all the way home and knew it wasnt right.

Sorry totally OT.....Do what feels right to you hun xx

[Tish]

Is it possible that there's just a personality clash? What you've described sounds like my DS - initially it was all good, then all of a sudden he'd start to cry as soon as we got in the front door because he knew I was going to leave him.

Then that FDC lady went on holidays and we filled in with someone else and he was just a different little boy. He even cried when we went home once, he is just so happy there during the day.

Honestly I thought it was a separation thing that I was just going to have to learn to deal with, but as another poster said listen to your gut feeling and if it isn't right keep looking. It may be a personality thing.

Hope things are looking up for you soon

[Panda74]

Aargh been trying to reply to say thanks all day but have a very cuddly (ie clingy) boy today (not complaining really)! Thankyou so much everyone. You made me cry when I read all your posts.

I'm feeling more positive today, and am excited about looking for a carer or a centre that is a better match for us. I am going to go with my gut and get DS out of there. I have been trying ot think outside the square a bit in terms of a better arrangement for us but have no family nearby, and yes I have to work and no, a nanny probably isnt in the budget.. I would love love love to be home with DS all day. Its an awesome age - he just took his first steps!

Tish, I think you are spot on. Sunshine, I am thinking about doing a communication book but am dreading bringing it up as I feel we are already the 'high maintenance' family with all our questions!

[onthefly]

Go with the gut, yeah. We pulled DS out of daycare cause it just wasn't working for any of us. I wish we'd listened to our instincts from the get go - we would have saved ourself some grief. I don't think DS is forever traumatised by the experience, but it has had a lasting impact. I can see it.
Good luck making other arrangements!

[Rowellen]

Don't worry about being "high maintenance". It's your baby so ask all the questions you like. Better to know the answers to your questions then to wonder what''s going on.

I hope you can find something that works soon.

[BrightSparkles]

Sunshine, I am thinking about doing a communication book but am dreading bringing it up as I feel we are already the 'high maintenance' family with all our questions!

DOn't worry about being high maintence. There are people out there worse NOt to mention, you need to do what is best for your family.
GL xx

[Panda74]

Took DS to FDC this morning (we will take him out but in the mean time he can't stay home by himself!). He cried when he saw the carer and screamed when we left. This is a boy who has never been a cryer so it was hard to see. After 4 hours I got a call to come get him, he hadn't settled, eaten or drank his milk (had some water) or slept. So tomorrow I'm off to work again at 8am .. The carer said to try again tomorrow but I don't know..

DS' Grandma has just offered to drive up (she's 4 hours away) and live in Brisbane part time for a few months she is so worried about him. Shall I take her up on the offer? While she'll struggle at nap time (who am I kidding - he won't sleep for her at all!) and I'll be worried about what mayhem will ensue with DS and Grandma alone I know that they'll have fun together.

Just worried about the chopping and changing for DS. We settled him to day care fairly gently (that paid off well!) and will have to settle him into somewhere else soon and in the mean time get him used to Grandma looking after him.. I've never left him with ANYONE except this carer.

My head is spinning!

[BrightSparkles]

Took DS to FDC this morning (we will take him out but in the mean time he can't stay home by himself!). He cried when he saw the carer and screamed when we left. This is a boy who has never been a cryer so it was hard to see. After 4 hours I got a call to come get him, he hadn't settled, eaten or drank or slept. So tomorrow I'm off to work again at 8am .. The carer said to try again tomorrow but I don't know..

DS' Grandma has just offered to drive up (she's 4 hours away) and live in Brisbane part time for a few months she is so worried about him. Shall I take her up on the offer? While she'll struggle at nap time (who am I kidding - he won't sleep for her at all!) and I'll be worried about what mayhem will ensue with DS and Grandma alone I know that they'll have fun together.

Just worried about the chopping and changing for DS. We settled him to day care fairly gently (that paid off well!) and will have to settle him into somewhere else soon and in the mean time get him used to Grandma looking after him.. I've never left him with ANYONE except this carer.

My head is spinning!

Personally, if it were me, i'd take her up on the offer.

[Daffodil Mumma]

If it were me I would take Grandma up on the offer...especially if it means your DS will be in his own home while youre at work. That way your not having to continue at the FDC while finding another place for him. And being at home with Grandma he isnt having to re-adjust to new surrounding just to have it change again.
Like the other ladies have said go with your gut....and what I have learnt very quickly is when it comes to your baby there is no such thing as too many questions!!!
Goodluck

[Ginger]

i would definitely take grandma's offer. Being one on one with a family member who loves him is a great scenerio i think. Definitely do it, it will be beneficial for both of them- lots of grandma cuddles and love...aawwww

[Rowellen]

i would definitely take grandma's offer. Being one on one with a family member who loves him is a great scenerio i think. Definitely do it, it will be beneficial for both of them- lots of grandma cuddles and love...aawwww

:yeahthat: Grandma's are great for cuddles & cuddles are great for babies

[Panda74]

Grandma is on her way. Have phoned work and day care to advise I'm home cuddling my boy today! Work was very sympathetic (not!!). WIll have to do damage control there as well.

DS has barely been off my boob since midday yesterday

Thankyou all so much. I'm confident I've made the right decision.

[Rowellen]

I'm sure you made the right decision too! Enjoy your baby cuddles today. I hope your work is understanding.

[Ginger]

woo hooo! definitely made the right decision