What do you do when you have done it all?

[Cocolove]

I have 2 beautful daughters who are both very challenging they are disrespectful, they dont listen, they trash everything they get & I mean trash it things only last a couple months TOPS here I have tried rewards programs, taking toys off them, taking TV away from them, time out, I have literally tried every trick in the book without fail and they just dont get it. Cant they see what they are missing out on when all they need to do is settle down a bit and learn some respect.
My 5 year old has a pead app next month she is being assessed for Oppositional Defiant Disorder & mild autism she is the real out of control one she is extremly touchy and is always hurting kids.

Any advice.

TIA
xx

[Cocolove]

Mods i think this is in the wrong section. Please feel free to move

[Cocolove]

bump bump

[AliBaby]

I wish I could help you but have no idea. Hope someone can come in and give you some advice soon

[Gigi]

just some random ideas, based on posts i have read on similar topic

- dietary changes e.g the Failsafe Diet

- sensory changes
e.g providing more outdoor play if they don't get much of that currently

or less tv/DS/playstation screen time

or kids yoga, calming relaxation music

less toys (not as a punishment, more as a way of calming their environment)

putting away battery operated toys

just ideas

you mentioned possibility of the AUtism Spectrum.
have you googled to see if there is a Autism Spectrum support group/parents group in your state?
maybe they might have ideas of how to alter the environment of an child on the spectrum (e.g their home) to make it more suitable? i dunno, i am assuming, there might be things you can do - have nothing to base this on, just didn't want you to feel alone about this.

i know there ARE parents of kids on the SPectrum on this site, i'm sure they'll come along soon and give you firsthand advice. i'm sure they will when they're not so busy, i gather from their posts, parents of Spectrum children have VERY full on lives. (like you do too, i'll bet).

best of luck finding a solution

the best thing is, you're LOOKING for a solution, you want to make things better for your family. So you are in the right direction already.

It probably FEELS like you've tried everything already, cos you're prob exhausted, but i have hope THERE ARE more things to try, that other parents of SPectrum kids and paeds will be able to tell you about. SOme might suit your kids, some might not.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would post, but Gigi said it all and more!

I often take DS's toys away - not as a punishment, but because he has too many and when he has too many then he just can't play and he hits and screams and is a nightmare. I also limit TV to when I need to cook dinner or when someone's ill for the same reason.

[Cocolove]

ok so I banned them from TV & DD2 didnt get to go to a birthday party today...

Today they have snuk (sp) a whole tin of pineapple, half a box of cruskits & a whole packet of choc chip biscuts.

What more can I do im going outta my mind im mentally exausted i dunno what else to do they just dont get it

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Sneaking food is so hard - which is why I just don't buy in problem foods. DS can help himself to carrots or apples. Any food he's not allowed to sneak is put higher than he can reach/climb. Even if it means climbing myself. Or just not buying some of it in.

Can you put a lock on the pantry door too? Not a child lock, a proper one? Or a bolt at the top of the door?

[Cocolove]

Sneaking food is so hard - which is why I just don't buy in problem foods. DS can help himself to carrots or apples. Any food he's not allowed to sneak is put higher than he can reach/climb. Even if it means climbing myself. Or just not buying some of it in.

Can you put a lock on the pantry door too? Not a child lock, a proper one? Or a bolt at the top of the door?

I Put a child lock on there which is working so far thanks for that suggestion.

But im gonna bite the bullet here with a push from DH and ask how I learn to calm down and be able to deal with my daughters problems, DH thinks I need to be gentle with her as the pead thinks she may have High functioning autism, I get so frustrated which leads to me growling at her, how on earth do I change that to use positive reinforcement.

Perhaps I should start a new thread for this??

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I try to find something to praise. Even if it's "that's very creative" or "Well done for sitting at the table for the whole meal."

I then put in the negative, so I might say "That's a very good drawing and now we'll clean the floor together because we only draw on paper." I won't scream that he doesn't draw on the floor. But DS has to help me clean it up.

One thing that helps is that DS likes to play monsters. If I get cross I can just give this primal roar. DS may then tell me "no mamma, you no be a rarh, you be a cat and say meiow", but I've given vent to my feelings and then tell him that I'll be a cat when we've sorted out the problem together.

HTH.

[Cocolove]

Thanks LZ, Ill give it a shot

[~Kim~]

Hey BP. I think the fact that you've started to review and analyse is a great and brave step babe.
I'm not sure how you learn so much, but become aware of your reaction.

As calculated as it sounds, I try and avoid meltdowns. I we have a good interaction, I try to file that away in the memory bank so I can replicate that later.

I don't say/demand "pick up your toys", I ask "Can you help me to pick up your toys please?" because if they demand something from me, I correct them automatically and expect them to ask politely - therefore I should treat as I expect to be treated.

If i find myself really wound up I walk away for a few moments. I do corny stuff like deep breathing and counting to 10. I walk slowly up to them. I use that time to calm down. Both these techniques are taught to '000' operatives as a technique to avoid escalation.

[Cocolove]

I will try that too Kim.
She is home today because she said she was sick...she isnt.