Full-time working mums... how do you keep it all in balance?
I'm starting my new job on Monday. It's a full-time 40-hour-week permanent position in the toddler (18mths-2.5yrs) room of a early childhood centre (aka childcare lol). I've been working in a casual irregular position so far, ranging from 15-30 hours a week and that gave me a nice amount of time to balance things out...
I've never worked a permanent full-time position before. I'm outwardly confident and excited but jus between us (and the internet LMAO) I'm quietly crapping myself...
How do you do it? How do you balance? I guess I have the real bonus of Shel being the SAHM (NOT that I plan to take advantage of that, but I know that on the weeks I do the 8-5 or 9-6 roster I'll have dinner at home waiting for me) but it's still going to be a struggle. I'm studying as well.
How do you balance giving your child/ren the time the deserve, having 'family' time, having 'couple' time, having 'me' time, and also (for those who are studying as well) where do you fit study?
I'm just trying to work it out and I think I'll need an extra day every week just to fit it all in! And I don't even do much 'ME' time as it is. Just things like sewing or knitting or reading. But if I do that at night after Jazz goes to sleep I feel like I'm neglecting Shel... or that I should be dong study... I feel bad doing study in the weekend because I should be with Jazz...
ARGH! Help me! I can do this? Right? RIGHT?!?!?!
How do you do it?
Do you just push your bedtime back to midnight every night?
Well thats not me atm (or any time soon LOL) But it is DH.
Here are my person looking in suggestions.
ME time - Its important but as always you will find it gets put to the bottom of the list. Try taking a book/kintting with you to work & using your lunch break as your ME time.
Also the drive/trip home. Loud music playing is always my thing when I am in the car
Family time - Set aside an hour in the evenings where you all sit & do something. We do this. 7pm to 8 pm is Family time (we even call it that). TV is off, raido on & we sit together & play board games, draw with the kids, go for a walk etc. We allow this time to also include a bath for the kids if needed. Dinner sometimes overlaps into this time also as DH's shifts sometimes means he gets home just before 7. But regardless TV is off etc & we all sit together to eat, talk etc.
Kid time - DH reads to the kids each night for Bed (currently reading the BFG). Bed time is his domain with the 3 older kids. Weekends are also his time to spend time with them. He is a good dad & spends as much time as he can with them when he is home.
Study time - DH is also doing a Full time UNI degree via correspondance. He is lucky in that he can do *some* study at work (well has been able to in the past, this year its harder to fit it in) but he uses about an hour after the children go to bed to study. He will also let me know if there is something he *needs* to do. So I know he isn't just fluffy about on the net & I can keep the kids out of his hair. DOes Jaz still have a day sleep? You could use this time on the weekends for study also?
Couple time - Ahhh tricky this one. Be inventive. Unfortantly DH & I don't get alot of "couple" time. Co sleeping with Iain & a reluctant sleeper with Evan means he is usually tired or asleep already by the time ALL the kids are asleep. We haven't been out ALONE on a "Date" for over 7 years. But you know what.. We are happily Married. we have been together for 14 years this year so we must be doing something right. Sure we have our rough patches but nothing major.
We are both stronge belivers that a couple with kids, is exactly that, a couple with kids. Sure "couple" time is important but I don't belive it is an esential part of the day in making a relationship work KWIM.
On the Midnight bedtime. Well Yes I do but I don't go to work each day (well not outside the home ) BUT I think you should give yourself a bedtime. When I was still working outside the home I made sure come 11pm I was in bed. I'm lucky that I do ok with late nights. Its early starts that kill me LOL.
I wish i could give you some answers but we're both going to be working full time as of monday with me doing my diploma on monday nights as well and i am not looking forward to it!! we havent both worked full time at the same time since i was 5-7months pregnant so this will be fun, not!!!
Hi Leash, congratulations on your new job! Well done!
I'm not full-time but I'm close to it, I'm on an 80% load and work four days a week. I am a teacher so I often have lesson preparation and marking to do at home as well. But I do get holidays which are absolute life savers, I would be a burnt out shell of a person if I wasn't able to recharge during those times. My DH also works full-time and is away for days at a time (for work) every now and again. I am also a bit of a neat/clean freak so when the house gets messy and dirty, I get extremely anxious (which is just not pleasant for anyone).
So yes, my relationship with my DH does suffer, as does my sleep, I am rarely in bed before 11pm and it's usually more like midnight. I guess we just cherish our weekends, that's when we all reconnect and recharge. But I love my life, it's really busy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think that's a huge part of it for me, I have chosen this, it's what I want to do and I love it, so we just make it work. If it's not working for you, you can always change. I know that's easy to say and hard to do but I think there is a sense of comfort and satisfaction when you feel you have made a decision and not been forced into a situation.
Leash, I don't know how to answer the time question, but just wanted to say that I think you're going to absolutely love your job!! I absolutely adored when I was working with the toddlers! It's such a great age to be with you will get the hugs and kisses from them unlike in the preschool room, but can also 'do' alot with them, its not just all go go go like it is in a baby room!!
I've been working full-time since the end of January.
I'm a teacher, so I'm generally out the door by 7:45am and DH usually picks me up at 3:30pm.
Family time - Sam is still having an afternoon sleep most days, and that usually means Sam snuggling up to mummy and the two of us chilling out listening to music while I rock him to sleep. I combine my post-work chill out and relax time with getting Sam to sleep most afternoons and that works for us. Evenings will usually be taken up with dinner, play-time, bath, bottle and then bed. Sam has an unusually late bed time (9pm) so we do get lots of family time still.
Couple time... This is one area where things are suffering. We usually watch a bit of TV after Sam has gone to bed, or chat for a while, but there isn't a whole lot of couple time at all. Our sex life is virtually non-existant, and while I'm fine with that, I know DH is not - but we've always had long droughts in our marriage - partly to do with my health issues.
We recharge on the weekends. DH lets me have a massive sleep-in on Saturday mornings and will often have an afternoon sleep with Sam to help himself catch up on sleep. We always have family time on the weekends - church and usually just going out for lunch on at least one of the days while we tackle the grocery shopping or similar.
Me time... This is one area where I'm really suffering and I'm just hanging out for school holidays to get here so I can get some me time.
I find I have to be really disciplined and make sure all my marking and prep work gets done at school because it's mostly not possibly to do it while Sam is awake. I have managed a few times where the back-log has built up and I've just had to bring stuff home to catch up.
I think the one thing that really stands out in all of this is that the only way I cope at all is because DH is a stay at home dad four days per week and he takes care of the vast majority of housework and cooking. But I do have the added complication of health issues to juggle in the whole lot as well. I know that I personally couldn't fit in study - but I guess if you have a job where the our of hours marking and preparation isn't happening then the study could fit in there. If you aren't saddled with health issues that mean early nights are essential then you'll probably be ok.
I don't think relying on a stay at home parent is taking advantage - I think it's simply sharing the load.
Ok, Apart from the study part, I know what you mean with working full-time and trying to balance family. It is great that Shell is staying at home so hopefully that will make things easier on you. I work full-time and so does my husband so I'm trying to balance work, family time and keeping the house in order. I don't have dinner waiting for me when I get home because as soon as I get home I have to cook it and don't get time to sit down until after DD goes to bed and I've done some housework - so I get home from work at about 5:30 and then it's go go go until about 8:30.
I find the trick to "balance" is spending quality time as a family because you can't spend quantity time. On weekends I try to make sure I spend a bit of time sitting down and playing with my daughter who is 2. We might do a puzzle together or read a story or something like that. Now that she's getting older she likes to "help" with the housework or cooking dinner so I try to find things that she can "help" with and that's another way we spend quality time together.
As hard as it might be, I think it's important to put work out of your mind before you walk in the door and not let it get in the way of spending time with your daughter - no matter what sort of day you've had.
The other thing is making sure you make time to do something that's just for you so that you can be a better partner and mother. That might mean once a week having a bubble bath once your daughter is in bed, or reading a book, or going out for a coffee with a friend, because you need space to rejuvinate yourself so you can keep going.
I work full time in a very demanding job, have two kids on my own (except for 48hrs a fortnight) and live by myself.
I honestly don't know where I would fit "partner/couple" time in at the moment, except for those 48hrs a fortnight. My routine is very strict - I do housework on set days and times, mostly after the kids go to bed until 8:30, then a little "me" time until usually about 9:30pm, then work-work (as opposed to house-work) until the work-work is done. Sometimes that's 2am, sometimes it's not at all.
I have a "flexible" bedtime, because it depends how much work-work I need to do. However I always get up at 6:30am during the week, because I empty dishwasher/put washing on line/get lunches/start kid-getting-up-routine and have a shower all before 7:45am when I have to leave with the kids...
I tend to catch up on sleep on the 48hrs I have "off" each fortnight.
Sometimes I don't know where I'd fit it all in... I'd probably have "couple" time in the hour of me-time I have between 8:30pm (kids in bed at 7:30pm, housework until 8:30pm) and 9:30pm when I usually start work-work. But that would probably depend on how much me-time I needed!
It's a difficult balance, Leasha, and I wish you all the best in working it out.
I work full-time as a supervisor to 10 staff, just starting a double Diploma and DH is a SAHD. I'm also on call for work (if the security system goes off - I get called to go in and check it out - 24/7).
I don't have a plan - we split the cooking about 50/50 (DH also has his own business to run - part time) and the only 'me' time I get is surfing the net for an hour or so while DH gets DS to sleep (after bath). That's my BellyBelly and FB time (and at the moment - it's my Nappy Hunt time! )
Bedtime is usually more like midnight (10.30 is an early night!) and the only thing DH and I do together is watch TV/DVD's and go for the occassional walk.
I make sure I spend quality time with DS on the weekends - and it's Mummy's job to do the bath stuff - so I get a good 1/2 hour with him playing then *every night*.
I also do all the washing (by choice) and we're in cloth - so there's a lot!
Lucky for me I don't have any hobbies or anything (except reading the occasional crime book! - eats into the sleep time), but I manage ok.
As long as you leave work at work and home at home - ya just manage! Good luck!
While I'm a SHAM now, it is only a recent development.
DH is a shift worker, so the load was mine. Because I was working regular hours a routine was easiest. On the OT/weird hour days you just do your best.
Like Divvy I had a fairly strict routine. I also reassessed what needed to be done as opposed to the perfectionist view of what should be done.
With DH the fulltime worker now he does bathtime with the kids when he is here, that gives me time to cook dinner/cleanup/spend some time on the lappy.
I preferred to get up a bit earlier to do a few jobs than stay up late (funny how that is totally the opposite now). The gym was my time. At night DH and I sit together. We might be doing separate things (like me sewing or crafting or surfing the net and him on the PS3 or watching telly), but we're together. Sometimes we don't even talk lol. We've had many chats in the wee hours of the morning, but they're the ones we treasure - that's what works for us.
I'm really glad you got your job babe. I know it's something you're worried about, but don't stress to much. It has a way of working out. You will also appreciate Shell much more because you already know what it's like to SAH, so it's not taking advantage.
I find it's a case of trying different stuff until you find what works.
If I don't spend time with Pip immediately he sees me - and I mean playing / interacting with him - then he spends the whole night "mum. mum. mum". so I either sneak in and have 15 mins of "me" time of silence then go down or just suck it up and take the time immediately.
I also take a walk with him each day after tea, just he, I and my dog for us to have fun, and to give DH some time out after dealing with him all day - this really helps all 3 of us.
Housework - still haven't worked that out yet!
Cooking - Shared. Lots of easy meals on my part.
Communication is key, letting DH know when I'll be home, does he want me to pick up anything on the way etc.
Oh - and take your lunch break! Take that 30, 45 or 60 minutes to leave work, sit down in another spot and be alone!!!! Think! Relax! Enjoy it!
Both my DH and I work full-time. I've been back at work full-time since May last year. And honestly, it is pretty hard. The housework suffers for sure. I don't sweep or mop the floors or clean the bathrooms quite as often as I should be But you have an advantage over me there with Shel being at home.
When I get home from work at 5.30 it's all about Miss Charli until she goes to bed at 8pm. She is my priority for sure.Then it's time to do a few things and then I am buggered and quite often I'm off to bed by 9.30 and DH stays up watching the TV til midnight so I guess you could say we don't have that much relationship time.
As for cooking because we both work we share that task.
You and your little family will get into a groove that suits you
We both work FT and i find that the housework suffers big time! Because i am a teacher I have work to do at home so even though my hours are great there is still work after hours.
I find we spend 1/2 a day on a weekend trying to get the house into some kind of order and I really need to recharge in the school holidays.
I think it would be much easier if there was someone at home to clean and cook since DH and I are both tired and so no-one does it!
You will love working but it does take time to adjust.
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Full-time working mums... how do you keep it all in balance?
) BUT I think you should give yourself a bedtime. When I was still working outside the home I made sure come 11pm I was in bed. I'm lucky that I do ok with late nights. Its early starts that kill me LOL.
But you have an advantage over me there with Shel being at home.
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