All she wants is me to feed her when I am home!

[Indadhanu]

It's starting to get me down. It's start of a 4 day weekend and I'm pretty sure I'll be having an emotional breakdown come Monday if this doesn't stop...

Jazz does fine during the 8-9 hours of the day, 5 days a week when I am at work. I feed her when she wakes up, and after dinner and it seems to do her fine. Shel gets her to sleep durng the day with just patting/rocking, everything is peaceful and calm. Night time sometimes she goes to sleep on her own (well without me feeding her anyway), sometimes she needs feeding.

And then BAM weekend hits and she wants me to feed her constantly. She has already asked four times this morning. FOUR! And its only 10am. She got up at 6am!

I can just see where its heading, me feeding her to sleep this morning... she wakes up and still wants it... all afternoon...

I just don't want to, you know. That sounds horrible but she's almost 20 months old and I know she does NOT need me to feed her so much during the day. Especially not as much as she wants me too! As soon as I sit down with her, she's at me wanting me to feed her. If I don't she cries. She's whingey. She pulls at my shirt, and then throws herself on the ground...

Making me feel even worse is Shel in the background saying "She's not like this when you aren't here" I've already said that isn't helpful but the damage is done, I already feel like crap.

What can I do? Distracting isn't doing anything, if *I* am distracting her, trying to play, she remembers every five minutes and its really frustrating, it's like I have to beat her off with a stick! Honestly! And I don't want Shel to be the one distracting her because I want to play with her and spend time with her. I try to offer water, but apparently thats not good enough!

I wanted to let her lead the way to weaning, I want to not have this traumatic screaming tantruming every time she thinks she wants to feed. I'm thinking this might be it really, I don't want our time together to be battling with this. I don't think its a phase as she's always been a bit of a boob addict, it's just annoying me more now that I don't see her much its like all she wants from me is to feed her and I just want to spend quality time with her

[hj1981]

no advice to offer - but maybe Jazzy just wants to be close to you! she misses you all week, and this is her one on one time with you where she gets you all to herself!
Not going to help with weening or anything i know! and im sure u have tried explaining too her that she is a big girl and dosent need it during the day as much etc.... so im no help i know - just wanted to offer HUGS! im sure it can't be easy on you!
Maybe you could tell her that there is no milk left during the day????

[~Kaz~]

hun. I don't really have any good advice cause I'm not in that situation. It does sound like she's making up for lost time from when you are at work. So even though she's fine with Shel, once you're around she remembers what she's missed and asks for it constantly! She probably does consider feeding to be 'quality' time with you too, although I completely get where you're coming from. It would be trying.

Is she old enough to start saying that bbies only make milk in the mornings and evenings? So you only have milk when she wakes up and before she goes to bed at night? I dunno. Whatever you decide to do, consistency will be important. Have you called the ABA? They might have some good ideas too.

Hope it sorts itself out soon in a way you can both be happy with.

[didispunk]

I am sad for you my dear.. doesn't sound like fun.. I am sorry to hear that.

I just spoke to my MW friend and she said you really can do 2 things.

Feed her everytime she does that, as the tantrums and getting all upset isn't something you can sit there and.. until she stops.
OR
You can set 2 or 3 times a day that you do feed her so she can get into a routein and know she will get fed just not every time she wants it. and if she gets upset and cries etc, put her in her cot till she is ready to settle down. At 20 months, she knows right and wrong and if she doesn't get her way she will have a tanty... or cry etc. Its the welcome to the testing toddler years.

Good luck my dear!

[feeb]

Hugs hun I know how you feel about being over it!!

DS1 wants to feed when ever I am sitting down, if DS2 feeding he wants other side, If DS2 in bed he wants a feed, he will pull up my top and down my bra he gets easily distarcted and then re attaches over and over! If I say no he chucks a tanty and throws himself back wards and screams.

DH says similar things to Shell about times when I am not there.

I also wanted him to self wean but if this keeps up I may need to force him to wean.

Hugs Good Luck

[Olive]

i have similar issues except im home all the time DD wants to feed constantly during the day, often having 4-5 feeds in a few hours during the morning. im trying to space the feeds out more and not giving them to her as often, its hard but were getting there FWIW she never whinges when im not home,just when i am!

[MantaRay]

Leasha hun, I know how draining this is for you. You need a break during the long weekend, not to have constant demands of you.

I would say that Jazz is not wanting the milk, so much as the comfort. This is her way of bonding and spending time with you. She is delighted to have you home and doesn't want to miss having any of your time. She might also be doing this to try and stop you from going away. This is an extra day she can spend with you and that's what she wants to do.

The key is to find a balance between your need for space, and Jazz' need for you. There is no easy answer to this however. Some mums find it works to put limits on it - maybe she can have a certain number of feeds a day only, and/or only feed for a set number of minutes or sucks. Depending on how much she understands, you might be able to give her a set of cards which she can swap for a bf - when the cards are gone then she can't have any more feeds. You might also need to explain that you have things to do so that you can't spend all day with her. Do you think these ideas might work for you?

Best of luck with it hun. I hope she settles down and that you get a lovely, restful Easter.

[Visitor8]

just so you know, as they come to 2 years they DO tend to feed very frequently so it IS normal

[thepixie]

Have had similar issues with DD .... the things that worked for me were...
Getting her out to the park or the beach, it seems the more boisterous fun she's having the more inclined she is to forget about it for a while.
Sometimes she is actually thirsty so I try to get her to have a drink - she is usually more willing to drink from my glass than a sippy cup though
Night weaning really helped me to feel less drained and demanded on and while she still wakes at night, for some reason I don't feel as drained when I don't have to BF her back to sleep (unless she's sick).
I'm trying to get down to just a morning and bedtime feed but she usually manages to squeeze one more in there somewhere. The thing I tend to find really annoying is that she will ask and ask and ask and then you sit down to give her a BF and she won't pay attention for more than ten seconds!
Good luck!!

[ElleJay]

I have no advice hun, just wanted to give you lots of hugs

[Marlene]

all she wants from me is to feed her and I just want to spend quality time with her

Maybe this is her idea of quality time. I don't think all this feeding is about the milk.

I don't really have any advice, sorry. Can you take her to the park or something to distract her?

[hj1981]

Leasha - hows the rest of the day going so far?

[skeetaboat]

Oh you poor thing. I went through this with DS between 18 and 24 months. I counted one day - 19 feeds!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't working or anything at the time and it drove me bananas. I eventually had to wean him because I was really getting upset and frustrated and also very resentful. (Poor DH copped it too, I was like, "WOULD EVERYONE JUST GET THE EFF OFF ME!!!"). So I can totally relate to how you're feeling.

I think for me, part of the resentment was the relentlessness of it. If I could just have an hour or two to sit down and relax without someone climbing on me, I felt a lot better. I reckon the opportunity to sit down and have a break once a day without having Jazz nag you for a feed might help.. Could Shell take her outside for an hour? Maybe then you could do the same in return - if you take her somewhere different, like a park, she'll run around and play and give you another hour's break from feeding.

I also found that refusing him made him ask more. Sometimes, as backwards as it seems, meeting his requests early in the day made for a better afternoon and I could decline him, distract him, put him off etc with more success.

Don't feel bad about the comment that she's fine when you're not there. Of course she is - your boobs aren't there to make her want them. It's not your fault, she's just trying to get in as much of her favourite activity as she can while the opportunity is there.

As for making it through the long weekend, I'd suggest getting out a lot, keeping busy, seeing different places. Anywhere but the couch/bed/whereever you usually sit when you feed her.

xx

[StrawberryMumma]

I can definitely sympathise with you mate..It can be so draining when ALL they want is boob. I haven't got a magical cure , but I would say can you take her down the park or out somewhere? I find distraction at home doesn't work a great deal, they really need to be in a totally different environment (out of the mummy feeding zone- your house!).
I would also make healthy icy poles for my kids too as another diversion..Something they can suck on and it's not me! That works quite well for us.

Hoping the feeding settles down for you real soon.

[Kmn]

Just get out of the house and take Jazz with you - when she's outside with you she knows you won't be going away in a hurry, and there's more to keep her interested in things other than your boobs too. It will reduce - but I still have a 2 year old who feeds at bedtime on the days when I'm working and 4 or 5 times a day on the weekends.

[kelebek]

How did your weekend go Leash? (I know you still have one more day left )

I also agree that it isn't all about the milk and could you say to Jazz just a cuddle and have some cuddle time? DS is the same... isn't worried when I am not about but if he has missed a feed time and I turn up the look on his face his priceless and he must feed straight away

Now that she is a little older could you delay the feed by saying let's play ball or read a book? so she is learning that you can have quality time in other ways?

It could also be that she is learning her boundaries.... you know the whole you say one thing and she wants another and they don't match so it is tantrum town?!.... how do you deal with her tantrums over other things? could you apply those strategies for when she doesn't 'need' a feed? (hope that makes sense)

[beckoes]

Hugs hun, must be so annoying when you just want to play and have a giggle and all she wants is booby. i have to agree with Kaz and a few others, she probably sees feeding as quality time with you, if its her fav thing she would probably just presume you love it as much as she does
no advice really, just a hug!