13 Yr old Niece being secretly VIDEO TAPED.

[LiddlePixie]

I've just discovered that my brother and his girlfriend have been secretly filming my 13 year old niece while she's home alone after school & I'm disgusted ~ The reasoning they give (get this!) is because they don't trust her not to mess with the other (younger) children's toys (whatever the hell that means) & to moniter if she lies about what she's eating! They have one camera in the kitchen & one hidden near the TV monitering the lounge. I found out about it after my mother told me she was video taped making home-made Playdough & Grounded because she cleaned up after herself and neglected to mention she'd made it. (Yeah, Wtf?)

I have been mortified since i found out ~ Is this some sort of new thing parents of teenagers do? Am i over-reacting? Really... if making playdough and cleaning the kitchen is the biggest worry, is this necessary? I think if my niece ever realises she'll be emotionally scarred, I remember being a 13 year old girl & It would have been the end of my world to discover something like this.

I know i'm not her parent but she & her sister (not my brother's girlfriend's children) lived with DP and i for almost a year 2 years ago because my brother's girlfriend refused to have them (after thier own mother also refused to keep them) and they couldn't financially cope as they have 3 other children (the girlfriend and my brother's), Since this time the younger girl has gone back to live with her birth mother and is doing well. My brother was 17 when the eldest was born and ever since (I was 10 years old) she was being left with me to look after -The girls have had such an up and down life and sometimes it feels like i'm the only one left actually looking out for them.

I'm finding it hard to figure out what (if anything?) i should do about it, I don't know if my perspective is comprimised because we had a falling out a few months ago after the girlfriend posted "I'm sick of this f*&^ing brat, I wish she'd %$^& off back to her mother" on facebook where my niece is listed as her friend and commented "do you mean me? " so i am no longer on speaking terms with my brother & said girlfriend.

I would really like some input from parents of teenagers, Is this un-acceptable or what?

I can; A) Shut my mouth and be here when my niece needs me.

B) open a massive can of worms & tell the birth mother what is going on

C) Yep, Those are pretty much my only options.. Idea?

Thanks for reading.

[Floweryfields]

Grounded for making herself playdough and cleaning up????????
I think it's a breech of trust - filming her, sounds like a nasty situation really. Is the poor girl left alone all the time?
I don't like the sound of it at all, I think the other two will be looking for any reason to get her in trouble and get rid of her.

[boomba]

Oh wow what a strange thning to do...imangine being grounded for making playdough and cleaning it up...was she snorting it?????????...sorry :0

That poor girl being in a house where there is no trust and seems no love i have no advice sorry! Hopefully the girls will have some!

x

[Glamourcide]

Umm.... WOW.
Yeah, I'd say that's pretty much unacceptable behaviour on your brother's (and his gf's) part. Poor kid!
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you should do, I really hope some of the wiser BB ladies will be along presently to help... Just wanted you to know you're not alone in thinking that is some seriously whacked-out behaviour!

[kelebek]

What a tough situation... all I can say is to make sure your niece knows you are there for her

[LiddlePixie]

Thank you! ~ Atleast i know i'm not just crazy over-protective Aunty & it IS not normal.

[AliBaby]

Far out!! That is just wrong on so many levels.

What an invasion. Would they like a camera secretly filming them in their private time?

I'd tell your brother that you have set up a camera in his house to watch anything he does in case he does something out of line.

That poor girl to both of you.

[Peg]

it doesnt seem right.

I think whats worse is that the girlfriend posted that comment on facebook! What a tragic thing to read about yourself. Teenagers want nothing more then to be accepted...imagine how damaging that comment must be for her self esteem. Thats a form of emotional abuse right there...and bullying.

Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

[LiddlePixie]

Why is your neice not liviing with her birth mother? I certainly wouldnt want her in a place where she is not wanted.

Unfortunately her home life with her mother was just as disturbing, in a different way - She went on to have other children with different partner's.. Boyfriend's in and out all the time ect ~ She just up and decided she didn't want the girls anymore so gave my brother the choice of take them or DOCs will, My brother couldn't handle the financial (and obviously other) responsibity, So initially i took them in while he sorted himself out (made room, sorted finances out ect) - Like i said their lives have been all over the place, I can't say it was the easiest time of my life, I was 22 and had just had my own daughter but i so wish i'd have kept them with me - We remodelled the house so they'd have uber cool bedrooms, they settled in school, made friends, life was 110% better for them IMO.

I should also add that she is not an angel, she slams doors, throws tantrums & is a typical teenage drama queen but she is far from a teenage rebel - No drugs, drinking, boys, tattoo's ect.

[Kazbah]

geeze, I think that's a bit rough. Ummm out of curiousity, what would they have done if she *hadn't* cleaned up after making playdough?

And what does your mum say about all this, does she think it's OK as well? Maybe you can both present a united front to your brother, but be very careful. What are his concerns that he feels the need to videotape her? As it may be better to address those concerns rather than attack the whole privacy issue.

[e_p]

I hope you aren't offended when I say this...but when I read that all I could think was 'what the F$#&K are they THINKING!?!!?'. I'd almost go as far as saying that is emotional abuse...you poor niece...do they WANT her to go off the rails? I dont know what to suggest but I just feel so sad for your niece and really hope your brother and his girlfriend wake up to themselves and actually think about the consequences of what they are doing.

[CrazyLady]

was she grounded because she cleaned up after herself? Sorry, that is amusing.

I agree with Kelebek and support your niece. I have had baaaaaaaaaaaad experiences with cans of worms

[Pandora]

thats just really bizarre.
Is it even legal?

[Winter]

I've got really bad goose bumps & baaaaaadddddd vibes from reading that. I'm not happy with that situation at all. I think you need to do something about it, like DOCS or something because secretly filming young girls is ringing great big alarm bells in my head.

thank goodness you're looking out for these girls

[mummato1]

OMG the poor thing! I am sorry but all that is sooo wrong on so many levels..

I think all you can do is be there for her, she needs to know that you are always there for her and that she does have a safe place to go for when the s*&t does hit the fan.

So I wonder how they told her they knew about the play-doh... thats just weird

[Fleur]

eek sounds like a horrible situation...
I don't get the whole grounded for making playdough thing? Is it because she didn't tell them? cause that sounds like a big fat control issue, along with video taping
I've just been through a horrid 18 months with my teenage DD... I can only wish making playdough was an issue here

The first thing that some to mind is do you have any contact with your neice? Can you have a chat to her & see how she is doing. And I am wondering is it's possible for her to stay with you for a bit? Tell me if I'm out of line there I know it may not be that easy; it just sounds like things aren't real nice there for her.

Hugs to you it must be hard to see this happening.

[Pandora]

Yeh i reckon id go DOCS before the birth mother.

[~clover~]

OMG...maybe you should offer for her to live with you again? (If thats an option of course)
There is no way I'd ever, ever consider doing this to my children!
The poor child should not have to live like that & it makes me so sad to think that she is