Sorry for vent. I'm having a rough time with DS who is almost two and being a typical "two year old". He's had two nasty colds in a month, and the lack of sleep is really taking its toll on DH, myself and poor DS. ANYWAY!
We so want to have another baby and had planned to start trying next month. Majority of the time, I'm so excited about it, but then something happens, like illness or something and I feel I won't cope with another baby and get all scared off. Is this telling me not to have another baby ever, or that I'm not ready now, or should I just get over it and realise that parenting is difficult and there will always be ups and downs? We have always wanted two kids, and are looking forward to completing our family. I don't want to hold off too long as I want the kids to be close enough in age. A 3 year gap feels ideal for us.
For those with more than one child, did you ever feel this way? Or are there any mums out there with one tot, feeling this way as well? Thanks :-)
We felt this way, and sometimes still do! DD is 3 in July and we have another bub baking now, due in Nov. It is scary for us, but we knew we wanted more children- to see them keeping each other company will be such a blessing, so we're looking forward to that. So, we just jumped in (after waiting as long as we really could!) and as you say parenting will be difficult, there will be ups and downs, but people get through it (and manage to enjoy it in the process!).
I think that every single mum goes through these thoughts and xycles of excitement versus worry when they are planning for or expecting another child. Absolutely it changes dynamics when you add a second child into the mix and there ar ethose moments when u just want a break but it is wonderful. I think having a second is the same as your first, at the beginning you struggle as you try to sort everything out and then you get into a bit of a rhythmn with it and its those moments from time to time, like sickness or tantrums that can ruffle our feathers a bit.
I don't think at all this means you're not ready for a second now, and definitely doesn't mean you should never have a second. You are only being a responsible mum, wife and woman when you are considering the impact having another child will have on your family, it would be very unusual and a bit worrying I think if you were going to have another child and give no thought to the impact it might have! I don't think that you'll ever get to a point where you will be able to plan having another baby without being a little anxious!
We felt this way when started thinking about number 2, and also the other big one was can we love another baby as much as we love our first (highly irrational but we loved DD1 so much we didnt see how it was possible to love another as much as we loved her)
but it was all good.
as soon as we were pregnant the love started flowing and when she was born it was just the same as DD1.
it hasnt been easy, the newborn stage was easier than where she's at now with not sleeping and teething, u do get frustrated and angry and short with ur other child, but u quickly make up for it.
DD2 slipped so easily into our lives that it was like she'd been here forever.
its hard when ur sick, but luckily we have family close by who's more than willing to take the day off to look after DD1 while i recouperate.
Cant be all that bad, we're already trying for number 3
I'm already at that stage with my DS. I really want two kids, but with how things have been lately (the last couple of days) I will be brutally honest, I know I'm going to struggle. DH and I don't plan on TTC number 2 until DS is (at bare minimum) 3 anyway, but I know I will struggle. just got lots of hugs to offer
Don't forget - the age and behaviour your child has now - is not at all what they will be like when a new baby comes along. Perhap you feel you can't manage now - well thats fine cos you don't have a newborn now
9-10 months is a huge difference when they are 2 - believe me - then the 3's start - and thats a whole different story.
Liz, as was said, your fears are normal. Just remember that every child is different. We have two DD's who have completely different personalities and temperaments but that is what makes them interesting.
Every child goes through different stages as they grow up so with no 2 you are more likely to pick up the signs when this happens.
I think in alot of ways the second child can be easier as you at least have had a bit of experience, whereas with no 1 you are going in blind, you have nothing to guide you so you have to learn as you go.
Oh sweetheart, I reckon if you asked any mum on the street and they were brutally honest, they'd tell you the felt the same. Very very normal.
Right up until DS was born I felt like that, but you do manage. In fact it only takes a very short time to forget what it was like 'before'. Like Mel said - you just manage.
I also totally agree with Rivlas, experience makes the difference.
We have a nearly 3yr ages gap and it works perfectly for us. In fact that's how long I'd wait until I thought I wanted another (unlikely but hey).
I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 week old baby.
You know what... you just rise to the occasion
When my bub was 2 days old we had to pack into the car and head to the kids hospital as my DD (2) vomited blood. I cried a bit (hadn't slept yet since labour) but I managed and we all recovered, now they've both got colds and are both waking through the night. And I am sleep deprived but I am soo in love with both of my kids and have never thought twice about our decision.
And I think that everything in terms of parenting is so much easier the second time around, you're much more confident in your parenting and you've gathered lots of experience with your 1st.
Believe in yourself....You can do it!
Its not easy but its wonderful.
Good luck
You're not alone with those thoughts! I'm feeling exactly the same! My DS is 17 months and we'd like to start TTC our 2nd when he turns 2 but I have moments of excitement and moments of fear. I think it's perfectly normal!
Awww thanks so much everyone for your wonderful (and positive) replies! We are definitely going to have bub no.2 and I know that there will be tough times, but nothing beats the unconditional love you give and receive from these lovely little cherubs :-)
DS's first 2 years where full of sickness and sleepless nights for everyone, lots of screaming etc.
just after I got pregnant with dd, we were due to move into our new house. Choose to move DS into a bed at the same time he was 2. due to his sleeping issues we got a king single for him so there would be room for one of us if need be.
his sleep has dramatically improved, not 100% yet, but much better.
We just take one day at a time here, and DS is at the stage where if i'm exhausted in the mornings he can play by himself or watch tv, while I snooze or do something for me. He can also help a tiny bit, by picking things up for me that are on the floor, 'cause it's hard to bend with a new born.
I will mention though, I wish i had more help or had ds in creche more in the weeks leading up to the birth, 'cause I was more exhausted then, than I am now.
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Wanting baby No.2 but scared I won't manage...
just got lots of hugs to offer
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