Ok long story short (well ill try lol)
ExDF and i have had problems ever since we split over 12 months ago.
he's been on and off seeing the kids ever since then, last time he saw the kids was the 12th of feb so that is almost 4 months ago!
We had a massive argument which his current partner got involved in and we havnt spoken for the whole 4 months.
He called me yesterday morning because it was DS 3rd Birthday and told me he wants to start seeing the kids again
My instant reaction was NO, not over my dead body.
But i had a good talk to my mum about things and i know alot of my other family and friends are not going to agree with me but i have decided to let him see them again.
Some of you may disagree with this and thats fine but here is my reason..
First of all he IS their father nothing we can both do or say will ever change that. I dont think its fair that i stop him from seeing them because him and I are fighting, its not the kids fault.
And i DO want them to know their dad as much as i hate him lol
I want them to be able to make their own decision in the future whether they want to keep seeing him or not.. i dont want to make that decision for them.
At first he wanted to take them for a week or 2, which yes dont get me wrong would be a nice break but that is a little too over the top especially when he hasnt seen them for 4 months.
DD wouldnt even know who he is as she hasnt seen him since before her first birthday!
So this morning i called him back and told him what i decided and he was obviously happy.
We decided he is going to spend some time with them on thursday and then he is going to take them when i go to the GC meetup.
I told him he is to call me immediantly if anything happens to them.
ALSO i told him he is on his LAST chance, no more calling me an hour before he is supposed to pick them up saying he cant have them etc...
oh my.. you deserve a medal or some choc if you got all the way through that...
I dont know what i want to achieve out of posting this, i think i just needed to get it off my chest!
honey. I know quiet a few woman who point blank refuse to let their kids have anything to do with their fathers...but as you said what ever is between you and him he is still their father.
Being a mother is about being selfless and placing your children first...look at you..so many people could learn from what yourve just done. Well done on having a plan in place and being direct but not agressive tohim.
Very proud of you honey
Of course you are doing the right thing. Unless thetes a danger in them being with him, in which case you obviously wouldn't be giving him access. It good that he's seeing them before the weekend too so he's not so much of a stranger iykwim?
Well done lovely, you have definitely made the right choice . It must have been hard coming to that place, but you are doing the right thing for your kids. It is so important that they have a relationship with their dad (even if he is an idiot LOL).
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mum always allowed us to see our dad. Even though he was a jerk and didn't really want to see us much, she never said a bad word about him to us (I think could be damaging to hear bad things said about one parent from the other parent). He decided to move away and not have much contact with us (nor support us in any way), but that was HIS choice to do that. We never harboured any anger towards our mum about it - she gave him every opportunity to be a part of our lives so we never blamed her for not having the chance to know him.
Sorry for the life story LOL! But I'm just speaking from personal experience to reassure you that you have made the right choice.
Aww hun you doing such an amazing job, it can be so hard sometimes, but you are doing the right for your kids and thinking of your kids best interests. and they are very lucky to have a mummy like you hun! big cuddles
Thanks so much for the support.
They are in no danger, but i've just been told that DD has asthma (we spent a fun night in hosi) and he smokes so i said under NO circumstances are you to smoke around her as i dont want to risk anything happing to her becuase im so far away!!. I said im sure you dont want to be responsible for triggering another attack either as he lives about an hour from a hospital.
Trish - We are in similar situation with our Dads, unfortunatly our dad didnt really want anything to do with us when my parents split i was 13 at the time and i saw him once 7 years ago.
He lives in QLD and i told him i was going to be up there only 3 hours away from where he lives and i havnt heard anything back.
Maybe sub-conciously thats my reason for making this decision, i know how much it hurts to have a father that wants nothing to do with you...
I have also never said anything bad about the kids dad in front of them, its just not right. to you xx
Em - Thankyou lovely xx
Lulu- i think i hate HER more than i hate him.. she'd wanna stay out of my way
HUGS hun you are doing the right thing he is there father even if he is an idiot, I hope he doesnt let the kids down again by cancelling at last minute.
Hun you have made a very difficult decision, and you have clearly put a lot of thought and planning into what that decision was going to be. You have made the right decision for you and if others don't agree then that is up to them, they aren't living your life.
It is good to hear that you have been firm and set the boundaries and if he lets any of you down, you know that you have drawn the line as such. I hope that he doesn't let them down, as being in that position before as a child it sucked
It is very hard and I can only imagine what my mum went through with the three of us, we would have to fly to NSW to see our father.
But she too allowed us to make it our decision when we were old enough, my Brother and Sister still keep in contact where as I don't, he let me down so many times and would get my hopes up and then smash them, I have chosen to keep people like that out of my life.
Take care and I hope it goes smoothly for you all xxoo
WOW thats like reading a chapter out of my own book. I to like you have never stoped the ex from seeing the kids. As much as i would love to some times its not my place to take away his dad.
I do hope he follows thru for the kids. Also can i just suggest you write up the action plan you have for the asthma. Anf give it to him make sure he understands it completly.Just to be safe and ease your mind to.
Do hope it all works for the best hun.
i think you have done the right thing hun.
also i noticed you said the new GF had to get herself involved. it think it makes it so much worse when there is a new *****y partner it makes it so hard when tryin to get things sorted out.
my ex SIL is going through all this with my bro and his new GF and if the new GF just stayed out of it things wouldnt have gotten as bad as they did.
i too cant stand my ex and would seriously love to not ever see him again.. but he is my girls father and i will never prevent them from seeing him unless i feel they are in danger.
Personally i cant stand women who use their kids as pawns in the breakup.. seen it happen way to many times, yes my exh hurt me when he chose to do what he did but just because i am hurt doesnt mean i am going to stoop to his level and hurt him back. eventually the girls will make their own decision regarding him and i will be there for them when they do
I hope it goes well for you hun and the kids can develop a relationship with their dad
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It took alot of balls.. but i said yes...
honey. I know quiet a few woman who point blank refuse to let their kids have anything to do with their fathers...but as you said what ever is between you and him he is still their father.
xxoo
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