1 2 3 magic can anyone tell me some details or the techniques it recommends thanks

[sue1386]

1 2 3 magic is a ocurse dvd or book

can anyone tell me some details or the techniques it recommends thanks

[diotima]

Hi there,
I read the book at started using the method on my son when he was around 2 and a half I think. I can't remember what the minimum age to start using it is...
Anyway, at the time my son was really hard to handle - head banging, biting, tantrums etc and we were starting to get really stressed out. When we yelled at him (well, when my husband yelled at him...) he didn't respond at all, in fact he got worse, so... I started reading.
123 magic is pretty basic. The child is doing something 'wrong' you say 1, then give five seconds for them to mentally register and respond, if they don't say 2, give the thinking time again, if they don't stop then you say 3, then 5 more seconds and then you deliver a consequence. It can be time out or it can be a logical consequence like removing toys if they refuse to pack away or something like that. With time out, depending on age, you can either finish it by explaining why they were in time out, or if they are old enough they can explain to you why.
The two important things with the method is not getting angry, or at least not showing anger and frustration. The counting is meant to be a way to get the parents emotions under control. You should also always give the five seconds between counts as kids take a while for thoughts to enter their heads and then respond. If you count to fast you don't give them a chance to go "hmmm, mummy isn't happy... maybe I'll stop doing this...." and then stop.
That's the gist of it I think. Its been a couple years since I read it so hopefully I haven't miss represented anything. It worked really well for us and we still use it now when needed - usually when I feel like I'm going to loose my cool.
Funny thing happened last night though. My brother, who is 40+ years old, was over and he was doing something annoying and wouldn't stop. I was just on the verge of saying "that's one" - luckily I managed to stop my self from saying it out loud just in time.

[Snacks]

LOL! That's funny
I haven't read the book but I often count to 3 with Natty to give her an opportunity to stop what she's doing before I deliver the consequences (unless what she's doing needs to be stopped immediately, e.g. lying on top of her sister - a regular occurrence! I have to remove her straight away).
I also am aware that positive attention is far more powerful than negative (through what I've read on here etc and also through experience) and so can understand how it also works to help a parent to take control of themselves. I hadn't recognised that before.

[diotima]

I think positive reinforcement is really important too; I use it a lot with my son. (I think they promote that in the book too)
I think positive reinforcement is good for the child and the parent. Sometimes I would just feel that he was naughty all the time - just one distressing/aggravating incident to the next. With the positive reinforcement it helped me to notice the good things he does and see that he actually is good most of the time. Its just so easy to focus on the negative.

[Tinks]

I did 123 Magic as a course but you can buy the dvds and books I believe.

[sue1386]

diotima

thanks that was helpful.
my kids are grown and at the time i did alot of
positive reinforcement
talking to them about what we do and dont do what i want and dont want
so that when they were in situations there was more chance of them doing what we wanted and not doing what we didnt want


now i regularly help someone close to me with their kids and their kids are a lively normal bunch. i would like to do my best again to work with the parents to support each other in reinforcing pos and reinforcing beahviours we want and dont want. otherwise any carers involved can end up quite overwhelmed and exhausted. thanks.

[fattysmum]

thats what it means. seems very simple really,