Hi all
I'm a bit peeved at the moment and not sure if my frustration is justified so I thought I'd turn to you lot
A girlfriend of mine is having a birthday in the city next weekend, so another gf suggested that we stay in the city as between us it would probably cost just a little more than the cab fare home would.
She has a dd, but she will be with be with her dad for the weekend. I have 2 littlies at home, so was really looking forward to a night out and being able to drag it out to include part of Sunday, maybe a relaxed brunch without having to keep one ear and one eye out, and where I don't have to share my food, you get my drift (Loverboy even suggested I look into going to a dayspa while I'm in town cos it's something I've always wanted to do - awww!)
Anyway, it would seem my gf's 2 sisters will be coming out that night too now, which will divide her cab fare by 3 - no need to stay in town after all, she may as well go back home to her peaceful house.
Ok, on a practical note I get that, she struggles financially, so it's a practical decision. Not that we're well off, but I was really looking forward to a proper outing, you know?
The girl who's birthday it is will be staying in town too, but I'd really rather not share a room with her and her boyfriend. And I don't want to stay by myself, nor would it make sense. May as well just come home.
I'm not really looking for answers, just perspective.
But I think I'm angry, and I'm not good with anger, I struggle to diffuse it.
Thanks for reading
I think it's perfectly normal to be disappointed. Did your friend know how much you were looking forward to the hotel stay? If not it might be worth letting her know, she might change her mind if she knows how much it would mean to you. If you can't do it this time then perhaps arrange a night out with the focus being staying in the city, having a whole evening and hangover away from the kids, etc.
I 'get' why you would feel dissapointed. You had an expectation that you were looking forward to, and now it isn't going to happen. You wouldn't be upset if staying overnight hadn't been suggested in the first place. It is understandable that you feel this way. you feel ripped off.
However, just because your feelings are understandable, I don't think it is reasonable of you to be angry at your friend because her plans no longer fit in with your wishes. Think about things the other way around and put yourself in her position. It is likely she never wanted to stay overnight, from the sounds of things money could be a big issue and on top of this all of us handle being away from our family and children differently. She shouldn't have to feel bad simply because things worked out in a way where she could still go out and enjoy you company, but still save money and be at home with her family afterwards.
Anger is usually a biproduct of another emotions, you need to deal with that other emotion to deal with the anger. Maybe just let your friend know that you're now dissapointed as you had been looking forward to staying the night, but don't push the issue or try to make her feel bad, because this really is your problem not hers.
And make a resolution to yourself to go out and enjoy your night out with your friends.
You're right; it is my problem and not hers.
There won't be anyone home when she goes home, so it's not about coming back to family, purely a financial choice for her.
She does know I'm disappointed, and has said she will think about it over this week, but I almost don't feel fussed about it anymore, just disappointed.
I think part of the reason it affected me the way it did was the way she told me, too. Like I didn't factor in at all, and she seemed almost surprised when I commented that it would impact my plans.
Ah well, it's only one night, just means I'll have to change my expectations.
Thanks all
As you said Lara, that was the biggest thing that stood out to me - you all made the decision to stay, but you weren't consulted when plans changed. I think if you were consulted, even if it turned out the same, you would have been disappointed but not angry y'know? If its a once off thing its not too bad, but it might be a good time to think back over the relationship and see if its a recurring problem. Like yourself, I have trouble diffusing anger, but at the same time I'll rarely tell anyone they've upset me, which can lead to serious problems later on, because I've never truly gotten over little things in the past.
I totally understand why you would be disappointed - I would be too!! Can you stay the night at her house and have a girls slumber party after going out instead? That way it would be like a little holiday for you but waaay cheaper!
Hmmm, I wouldn't be happy if someone changed my plans for me either. She could have let you know or at least first considered you becuase you made those plans together instead of, nope sorry doing something different kthnxbai.
BUT, crap happens and you might just have to file in under "poo" in your head and let it go cos you might not be able to change it AND it would suck if she didn't really want to be there yanno?
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Am I being oversensitive?
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