What do you think-relative having baptism a few wks after our first child's due date

[appleseed18]

Hi, We're having our first in October and we just found out my husbands cousin has just planned on having the baptism of their second (she will be 9mths old) child a couple of weeks after our baby is due.

I am not happy about that - am I being unreasonable in thinking it is rude?? They've had nine months to do it and could have had it before ours is due. It limits our options for a baptism - which I was thinking of having 6 to 8 weeks after ours was born - but now that is impossible. Based on the baptism for their first- they have a huge event and a sit down lunch, so if we wanted anything casual - it would be overshadowed.

My husband is Italian and I did want a small baptism - with immediate (brothers, sisters, parents and godparents only) but he doesnt want that. We were thinking of January - but his mum has a significant birthday for which we're going to have a big lunch and another cousin's baby was due in Jan - so I thought it was rude to have a baptism then or in Feb. BUT since we learnt the 9mth old will be christened in November, we can't really do it then either....should I get my husband to tell his mother we're upset about it and try to get them to have their baptism before ours is due (I know that is passive -agressive in a way)??? Or should I ask my husband to check with his cousin what date they were planning their baptism (cause we don't know the exact Nov date) and say its because we wanted to check so we can plan when to have ours??? Its really upsetting to me.

[LimeSlice]

Welcome to BB


Honestly, I am sorry, but i think you are being a bit petty. There is no reason you can't have any sort of baptism any time you like. Just because there is a birthday or another baptism in any given month I am not sure why you think you can't have yours that month as well...

I think you should find out what date they are having theirs and make your arrangements around that for whenever you like. Realistically you probably won't want an affair in the first few weeks after bubs is born, especially if you have a caesarean, you will be a few weeks before you are up and around properly anyway.

They have no obligation to you to ask your permission before planning such a vital event in the life of their LO and nor should you have any right to expect they would. And I am certain your MIL won't mind if there is a baptism the same month as her birthday

Talk to your cousin and find out what date they are using and work out if you really want a to have your bubs baptism in Nov anyway...and as for being overshadowed - nobody will care what sort of event you have, they are there to celebrate your little one's baptism and if they care more about how much food you have, that is their problem.

GL

[PumpkinZulu]

Welcome to BB


Honestly, I am sorry, but i think you are being a bit petty. There is no reason you can't have any sort of baptism any time you like. Just because there is a birthday or another baptism in any given month I am not sure why you think you can't have yours that month as well...

I think you should find out what date they are having theirs and make your arrangements around that for whenever you like. Realistically you probably won't want an affair in the first few weeks after bubs is born, especially if you have a caesarean, you will be a few weeks before you are up and around properly anyway.

They have no obligation to you to ask your permission before planning such a vital event in the life of their LO and nor should you have any right to expect they would. And I am certain your MIL won't mind if there is a baptism the same month as her birthday

Talk to your cousin and find out what date they are using and work out if you really want a to have your bubs baptism in Nov anyway...and as for being overshadowed - nobody will care what sort of event you have, they are there to celebrate your little one's baptism and if they care more about how much food you have, that is their problem.

GL

:yeahthat:

At the end of the day it's all about your childs special day anyway...same as your df's cousins. They have their bubs baptism, you can have yours after, or before...does it really matter? Just so long as it's not on the same day, I don't see the issue lol. The day is about your baby, not about you feeling overshadowed. I agree, I'm sure your MIL can share a whole month and I don't really think it's in your rights to be asking your cousin to change their day; how would it make you feel if the roles were reversed?

[glenny_c]

Sorry- but I have to agree with Lime Slice and PumpkinZulu- I think it is a little petty for you to be this upset. It would be different if they knew what date you had planned and used that date deliberately but they just chose a date that was good for them. I don't understand why they should change it to suit you?? I don't understand the feeling that you can't have it in a month when there is anything else happening either. Sorry

[briggsy's girl]

ok, i kinda "get" the sharing a month thing - it can be painful if you have people that need to travel to ask them to travel twice - makes sense - we planned DD's baptism for the same weekend as my mum's 50th so that people only had to travel once. however, if you don't want to organise your childs baptism to coincide with the month of someone elses, it's up to YOU to change your plans. your DF's cousin has every right to plan the baptism of their child whenever they want. it's not like you said "ok, my baby is due then, we're having baptism on x date" and then the cousin organised it for x date. they are planning the baptism of their child at a time they are happy with, and you need to do the same for your child.

i guess you need to step back and decide what is important to you. if you want a small intimate thing, HAVE a small intimate thing. you don't have to go all out! if the other baptism "overshadows" your childs, does it matter? a baptism isn't about the pomp and ceremony, it's about introducing your child to the church and starting their relationship with God. the party afterwards isn't about that. the party afterwards is about celebrating your child with the extended family/community. how you choose to celebrate that is entirely up to you.

i would suggest you find out when the baptism is and plan your own childs around that. you have NO plans in place at this stage, they do - it's up to you to work around them

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I'm sorry but i agree with the girls, i don't see an issues with having a baptism in the same month as someone's baby is due.
To be quite honest there is no point planning it for BEFORE your bub is due as what if you go early? it's an EDD so theres no guarantee of a date for them to plan around.

You should do what YOU want for your own childs baptism, if you want small then have small it shouldn't be a competition with relatives and there should be no reason to be worried that it will be 'overshadowed'.
You might even like to do it around your mums birthday, like BG said people wouldn't have to travel twice and your mum might like sharing the month of her birth with her grandchild for that special reason.

I know sometimes the small things upset you, especially while your PG and you just want the best for your baby and want everyone to be happy BUT that said it is a small thing in the big scheme of things and your LO's special day will be special no matter what.

GL with it all.

[Oscar&Grouch]

again im sorry i would have to agree with all the other ladies. I dont really think you have the right to be upset at them - they planned there childs baptism for this date, so you should plan your DD/DS's around theres.

I had my DS's baptism the weekend after Easter - I found alot of my family/friends were happy to share this special time with me and DS even though it shared a month with Easter. I wouldnt worry to much about your babies baptism being 'overshadowed' its not a competion is it? Its a special occasion no mater how its celebrated.

I hope you work it out smoothly. Good luck

[Pandora]

I don't think it's rude, but I do undertand that your feeling upset about it. It's natural not to want je birth of your first child to be overshadowed, and at the rusk of making sweeping generalizations I'm guessing your dh is from a close family?

I was (irrationally) angry at two of my cousins for daring to be pregnant and due 2 months after my EDD with my first. But you need to step back and look at it from their pov

From their side it's all about them, not about you. It's not like they have chosen the date deliberately, is it?
If you seriously think it's intentional the that's another matter entirely, but
If he's from a large family it's possibly about logistics as much as anything else, as others have said.

[CrazyLady]

:yeahthat:

At the end of the day it's all about your childs special day anyway...same as your df's cousins. They have their bubs baptism, you can have yours after, or before...does it really matter? Just so long as it's not on the same day, I don't see the issue lol. The day is about your baby, not about you feeling overshadowed. I agree, I'm sure your MIL can share a whole month and I don't really think it's in your rights to be asking your cousin to change their day; how would it make you feel if the roles were reversed?

I do agree! At the end of the day it's your child's day, so no matter how big the event it's more special