What is a babymoon?

[danniellabella]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, or if it's been asked before.

I've been on this forum for a few years now and one thing that I just don't get is what is a babymoon?

I see people wishing each other a "happy babymoon" in birth announcements all the time but I just don't get it.

I know that a honeymoon is meant to be a wonderful time so I'm assuming a babymoon is too, but I have to say when I gave birth to my daughter it wasn't so wonderful and I felt terrible for the first 6 months at least - not what I would think of as a "babymoon"

[Mr Squidipa]

yes i am wondering the same thing

[Trillian]

It's just the time you spend with your baby and DH/DP etc in those first few days.

ETA - I forgot to say that some will also not go anywhere or do anything at this time and just stay at home.

[Junglemum]

A honeymoon is the great time you are supposed to have after your wedding (though not all do! ), a guess a babymoon is supposed to be the happy time after having a baby. But as you point out, it's not a happy time for everyone, for some it is filled with pain, anger, frustration, hurt and a miriad of other negative emotions. I think the assumption is that a new baby brings joy, and was tagged a babymoon.

[miss.cinders]

Babymoon is the first days/weeks with your new babe

[ladybirdflies]

Babymoon for our family is the moon cycle after the birth, that first month (although we did 8 weeks this time!!) where you stay in the house and get used to having your little one, speding plenty of time gazing at them.... in our town we are blessed to be supported with a food roster by the community for that time. No cooking for 4 weeks yay.
In some cultures it is 40days like another term of pregnancy!

[isharathena]

Well said ladybirdflies...in some cultures the other women wouldn't dream of letting you cook/clean/whatever for 40 days afterwards, you just get to relax and fall in love with your baby. (In these cultures the post natal depression rate is lower than it is in Western societies!)

[miss.cinders]

Babymoon for our family is the moon cycle after the birth, that first month (although we did 8 weeks this time!!) where you stay in the house and get used to having your little one, speding plenty of time gazing at them.... in our town we are blessed to be supported with a food roster by the community for that time. No cooking for 4 weeks yay.
In some cultures it is 40days like another term of pregnancy!

That's just gorgeous What an awesome community to live in

[Cherished]

ladybirdflies what a great post, that is what I have imagined our babymoon to be like. DH, bubs and I together for 2 months! Just the 3 of us, no plans involving other people, just us bonding as a family, hopefully in my dream world it will all go smoothly but there will still be the bonding even with sleepless nights and any challenges that may come up. Other family and friends will only be coming over if we feel like it on the day as we aren't going to be committing to any visitors in advance just in case the night before was rough or we just don't feel like seeing anyone... I guess for us the babymoon is about making those 1st 2 months as magical and special as they can be

[MantaRay]

It's true that the early weeks with a new baby generally do not turn out to be the blissful time we imagine they will be! However, I think the problem is exactly that we don't allow mums to just be mums for a while. We expect that babies can and should fit into family schedules, that soon they will sleep through the night, that they will feed to a schedule and that life can soon go on as normal. Those of us who have been there know all to well that it's just not like that!! Babies are born needing to feed frequently. They need to be held constantly and reassured as they adjust to life in a big and scary world (compared to the safe and cosy uterus!). Sometimes they have reflux or other pain from their birth experience. Life in the first weeks and sometimes even months is really hard.

Wouldn't it be great if we did all get a babymoon? If family and friends, the parents' workplaces, neighbours etc all expected nothing of the couple until the baby was a bit older, and the community all stepped in and helped by leaving meals on the doorstep (so to speak), and offering all sorts of practical help. Wouldn't that make life so much easier for all new famillies?

[Mad Scientist]

It's true that the early weeks with a new baby generally do not turn out to be the blissful time we imagine they will be! However, I think the problem is exactly that we don't allow mums to just be mums for a while. We expect that babies can and should fit into family schedules, that soon they will sleep through the night, that they will feed to a schedule and that life can soon go on as normal. Those of us who have been there know all to well that it's just not like that!! Babies are born needing to feed frequently. They need to be held constantly and reassured as they adjust to life in a big and scary world (compared to the safe and cosy uterus!). Sometimes they have reflux or other pain from their birth experience. Life in the first weeks and sometimes even months is really hard.

Wouldn't it be great if we did all get a babymoon? If family and friends, the parents' workplaces, neighbours etc all expected nothing of the couple until the baby was a bit older, and the community all stepped in and helped by leaving meals on the doorstep (so to speak), and offering all sorts of practical help. Wouldn't that make life so much easier for all new famillies?

It would be heaven mantaray. To be allowed to do that without guilt or expectation placed on you. Sure, people can say don't take any notice of other people and their expectations but most of the time it is impossible to do. First time around, I ended up with PND because I expected too much of myself. Second time around, I took all the help offered (which wasn't a whole community, just my MIL, stepmum and sisters, but it was enough) and it made it so much easier to cope. I do remember having a couple of days babymoon with both girls though. It was moments of pure bliss. But it was definitely only a couple of days, before reality set in
I try now to offer as much help as I can to my friends and family that have new babies but often people are too proud to accept it. I still cook meals for them though and anything that I can do without being intrusive. I'm glad I learnt my hard lesson the first time around. PND terrified me into accepting help with DD2. It's a shame that it took that for me to accept that I couldn't do it all myself and that it was ok for me to sit back and let other people do things.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I've also heard of it in the context of a PRE-baby holiday, a last holiday for Mum & Dad, before kids come along, just to enjoy and reconnect with each other before their new journey starts.

[rachm]

I have also heard it referred to as the last holiday you have before bubs is born

[Mr Squidipa]

well at least i know what it means now it is very nice cool

[ladybirdflies]

Isn't it interesting that there is this pressure to come back out into the world, to be 'normal' again as quick as you can. Which is all well and good, but it does not have to be the only way. I have done this with my two previous children, up and out within a few days, and I KNOW that this contributed to the length of recovery, the feelings of being inadequate and totally connected to how unsettled my babies were. With this last babe, we actually kept her in our bedroom for two weeks, a majority of this time I spent in there with her, there were a few reasons for this, too many to list, but this really allowed me to sit in the quiet with her, find our rhythm and for her to come into the world nice and slowly without too much stimulation. Totally made possible by an incredible support system. FOr the older children they could continue their day to day living without having to be asked a gazillion times to be quiet, and also when they came in to see her, there is always that quiet sense when you go into the bedroom. This baby settled quicker then any baby I have had, she never cried for hours on end like the first two with that unexplained colic cry. But for me, I had no time constraints, no need to hurry and get somewhere, and I was able to truly be there in the moment and get to know our rhythm. But also, i was no tempted to get up and do stuff as I couldn't see what was going on out there haha! THis experience has been so wonderful for our family and our extended family to see how birth does not have to be a certain way. Most people in my past have offered to come and hold the baby so I can get my jobs done, and now we have them come to do the jobs so I can sit and stare at my baby, and be with her. Funny how we see it as a challenge to ask for that to happen. Newborn time is so small compared to our lives, like a dot in the timeline of life, and having the support and vision to be able to do this has certainly attributed to an easy transition into a family of five.
If you feel that the above is too much for you to do, look at what things you can ask of people when they offer help. A meal is ALWAYS a winner, better then a bonds suit or toys, so when they ask what they can get, a meal a meal!!! When people come to visit, let them get you a cuppa, I have friends who have labelled their kitchen cupboards so guests can come in and help themselves to tea coffee etc!
Anyway, lets encourage the new mummas to be with their bubs if that is the impulse they feel... And when my mother was struggling with us not handing the new baby around for cuddles, I needed the reminder from my close friends about our vision of keeping her close to us during the babymoon, there will be plenty of time for them to be passed around with time!

[danniellabella]

Thanks for the replies and especially your insight Ladybirdflies. Now I want a babymoon. I didn't get one like you've all described - often due to my own pride at thinking that I should have been able to "do it all" and feeling ashamed to allow people to visit me and help because my house was a bomb site. But one thing I was happy about was one of my friends unexpectedly pulling up outside my house, sitting in her car and ringing me to see if I was home and then just walking in the door, sending me to bed (DD was asleep) and not taking no for an answer - she did the dishes, some washing and some tidying up. At the time I felt totally judged for having a trashy house but now I see that she was only trying to help me. If I have another bub I'm gonna ask for and accept all the help I get, and realise that it's just that - help, not judgment.

[Gigi]

i think a babymoon is quite personal - you can make it what you wish, some of those wishes will be contingent on the people around you. If you have very little support, the housework and cooking still have to be done - by you, or not at all.

I interprete the babymoon as welcoming the baby to the world, to your family in a CHILD FOCUSSED WAY.

Instead of the "commitments" that many people speak of, being committed to lots of visitors, lots of "pass the baby", times when you will feel obligated to make baby's feed wait "until the visitors go", or obligated to attempt housework cos you know vistors are coming - if the focus is CHILD FOCUS, so visitors are low on the list of priorities, then instead you can make gettting to know your baby your focus, have heaps of skin to skin time with them, not worrying about getting dressed properly, develop a breastfeeding relationship if you are blessed that way, learn how to care for your bub, work out your bub's "signs" - stuff that might not happen, or happy so easily - if you have to cope with visitors and going out heaps.

it's so individual - some people birth easily and can't wait to be out and about - other people feel the need to stay put and adjust to the baby. Some people feel that need, but the relatives badgering them for visits, they fold to that pressure thinking "how can i say no, they're family" - and then they miss out on going with their gut instinct.

Like you DaniellaBella, the first six months was very overwhelming for me, i was not in a great place - but i predicted and it happened, that with lack of support, that was bound to happen.

i remember hearing about other cultures too, where all the female relatives camp out at the new mum's place for the first six weeks, help her, her only responsibility is to feed her baby, so she heals easily, she bonds easily and feels supported. That sounds so wonderful to me.

The other thing i love the idea of (and i have been to one) for pregnant women, is a BLESSINGWAY. I didn't have a baby shower (and they're not really my cup of tea) but i would have loved to have had a Blessingway. Somehow i couldn't bring myself to organise one for me, so of course, it didn't happen.

My most treasured thing was a birthing bracelet a friend made for me, i wore it whilst birthing my baby.

Daniellabella - i remember years ago, visiting a friend who had just birthed, she was asleep, her dh let me in, and i could see they had mountains of washing up. i thought "one thing i can do is housework, i will do that to take some stress off them". Her dh was fine with it, but when my friend woke up, she went ape. She took it personally, as if i thought she coudln't cope. i remember being so hurt, cos i had done it for them, not as a comment on her housekeeping. Plus i expected new parents to be super tired and not up to housework.