Help me convince DH to have a third...

[OceanPrincess]

Hi all,

DH and I have had an on-going discussion about how many kids to have - he always wanted three, I wanted two. Then we had our first, fell pg with our second and I started thinking maybe three would be good. DH, on the other hand, started thinking maybe two was better!

We've both got various reasons behind our thinking but basically I need some positives to convince him we should try for a third - ATM all he can think of are negatives - more sleepless nights, more tantrums, more nappies, more washing, less money...

We also have plans (dreams at this stage ) of taking one or maybe more extended holidays with the kids and he says that two are much easier to manage than three - and we'd be able to go sooner with just two, not to mention the affordability!

But I can't help feeling that our little family is not quite complete... I think I've got another baby in me...

How can I convince DH?

[JordieC]

I kind of undertsand where you are coming from cause the same thing has happened to us - wanted 2 then 3 now thinking 2 but still not really sure...it's a weird feeling. My honest and first reaction is however not to try too hard to convice him because if you talk him into it and then it happens it could be a recipe for disaster. In saying that I think you can still explain the positives:

- great Christmas's with lots of kids therefore bigger family holidays in the future (more aunties and uncles)
- Each of your kids has 2 sibling not one so more fun/chaos etc.

I actually think it's quite hard to say reasons why - you just know that having kids are greta and they come with good and bad. I know if we have a third it will be just as loved as first 2 but I do think practically about having 2 not 3. I think I have just rambled rather than giving you an anwer - sorry!!

[Persephone1]

You can tell him that holidaying with three (or in my family, four) kids is actually really fun. We did a lot of bush travelling and camping as kids and they would have to be my fondest memories - but mainly because there were so many kids around. The kids entertain themselves. We also holidayed with another family who had three kids, so it was a great atmosphere, all the kids playing together.

I second Jordie's points about Christmas too - more kids, more fun.

You could also tell him that if you have number 3, it means making use of more hand-me-downs, so arguably not much more expensive than 2.

[Arimeh]

I think its hard if you have one of each to really justify why you "need" a 3rd child - at least to other people.

I always knew I wanted a third. Simply because if my kids are fighting with one of their siblings they have another one to go to.. LOL I'm glad I have the experience of having both a brother and a sister, so I'm glad my kids will have that chance too I didn't see a big difference between 2 and 3, I already had the nappies, baby clothes and everything from having a girl before, plus our car is a 7 seater so we had the room. But even if we just had a regular sedan, you can still fit 3 kids in the back

[Ginger]

i'm subscribing to get some ideas!
my dh is absolutely 100% content with 2......i'm secretly thinking up names for #3 LOL

[Lilli]

I'm in the exact same boat except that I always wanted 4, my husband too, but now that number two came along he's happy with two. I have convinced him to go one more coz, like you, I feel "I have one more in me" - what helped was my agreeing to go back to work 4 days instead of three next year and 5 days the year after which hopefully will be the conception year - this would allow us to have enough money to "fund" taking a year off after the birth and pay expenses (as this year we'll be on one income for 5 months - ouch!) - his arguments were mainly financial - so by "postphoning" it for a while I was able to "strike a deal" for #3!
We both come from a family of 4 kids each anyway and he's a twin n loves all his siblings but the financial reasons were trhe main hurdle for us rather than holidays, which I think 2 or 3 kids - same thing, u can always do camping or book nice little weekend getaways with 3 kids!

[~Trish~]

My DH always wanted three, so it took a lot of convincing me LOL! I always wanted two, but DH was one of two (I was one of three) and he said it would have made better dynamics to have another sibling to play with.

We have a smaller age gap between #2 and #3 because I said to DH if we are going to have #3 lets do it sooner rather than later so we can move on from the sleepless nights, etc. quickly. This first year of DD's life has flown so fast and we are past all the really hard stuff already .

Regarding extended holidays, later this year we are going on a 6 week caravaning trip over to WA so having 3 kids hasn't held us back!

I won't lie, for me three kids has been HEAPS busier than having two, BUT it is completely doable and is totally worthwhile. DD has been an absolute delight and we couldn't imagine life without her. It's awesome to have one more little person to enjoy watching grow up and develop. And the best thing about having another child is that you never regret it whereas we may have regretted not having another (Just a point to throw at your DH LOL! ).

Anyway, good luck deciding!!

[sasha]

He might just need some time to think about it.... the sleepness nights and endless nappy changes are all too real right now, I'm sure, and once your new baby gets a bit older and more interactive he'll probably be more likely to come round to the idea! I know M really finds newborns hard to deal with, and it's only when they got older that we decided on two, then three.

[deletedit]

Suggest it when the baby is at that mindbendingly ultracute and good stage (assuming you get one of those lol). When they are really little they are ... well ... boring. Especially to husbands. Eat-sleep-poop-fart-burp and all that.

[OceanPrincess]

Seph - love the avatar!!!!

He might just need some time to think about it.... the sleepness nights and endless nappy changes are all too real right now, I'm sure, and once your new baby gets a bit older and more interactive he'll probably be more likely to come round to the idea! I know M really finds newborns hard to deal with, and it's only when they got older that we decided on two, then three.

That is an excellent point... he has often said that he doesn't really know what to do with them when they are so little... and he can't wait for DS to grow up so he can start playing with him and stuff.

Hmm...!

...And the best thing about having another child is that you never regret it whereas we may have regretted not having another (Just a point to throw at your DH LOL! ).

Hehe good point... I will try that one on him in a while...

i'm subscribing to get some ideas!
my dh is absolutely 100% content with 2......i'm secretly thinking up names for #3 LOL

I already know what I want to call #3 if its a girl...

I think its hard if you have one of each to really justify why you "need" a 3rd child - at least to other people.

I always knew I wanted a third. Simply because if my kids are fighting with one of their siblings they have another one to go to.. LOL I'm glad I have the experience of having both a brother and a sister, so I'm glad my kids will have that chance too I didn't see a big difference between 2 and 3, I already had the nappies, baby clothes and everything from having a girl before, plus our car is a 7 seater so we had the room. But even if we just had a regular sedan, you can still fit 3 kids in the back

Yeah that's us, we have one of each now, so people keep assuming that's it for us... I hadn't thought about having another would change the dynamic with the kids... good point! And like you I have all the nappies... and all the clothes, having one of each, so we are covered.

We upgraded our car before DS was born to an SUV that can take three car seats along the back - it was one of the reasons we bought it, specifically because it can fit three car seats! So maybe there is hope for us yet...

Thanks so much ladies!

[OceanPrincess]

Suggest it when the baby is at that mindbendingly ultracute and good stage (assuming you get one of those lol). When they are really little they are ... well ... boring. Especially to husbands. Eat-sleep-poop-fart-burp and all that.

LOL... absolutely right.

Problem is that to him, DD has only just now reached the ultracute stage - when she says Dada! all the time, cries when he leaves the house ( ) and gives him massive big bear hugs. And she's 18mths... I'd want to have #3 around when DS is 18mths, so I need to convince him before then!

[Ginger]

how is your convincing going OP?

not going too well around here dh is adament that 2 is plenty...

[Yeddi]

The difference between two or three (or more kids) wont really be seen until later in life. I love the fact that I have three siblings and that my parents went without to have a rather large family, because now as an adult there are a number of huge benefits. Firstly, I get along better with one sister when it comes to raising our children, and everyday life, so I see her more as a friend. My other sister however, I don't get along with as much, and so I would miss out on that connection if she was my only choice. I still love her as a sister, but it's different. She's a very different personality that I just don't click with as much. She however, gets along better with our brother, and without her he'd be the odd-ball because he's different again. I do however appreciate both their experience and advise that they can give in certain areas that my *favourite* sister cannot provide.

The other benefit comes when one of us are struggling and need help, emotional or physical. We each always have family to call on without having to worry about being a huge burden because we can spread the load between us. If we only could call on one person, it would be very easy to become a burden. This family community that a larger family provides will become even more vital as our mother ages, because none of us have any intention of sticking her in a home, however it is a huge responsibility to be an ageing mother's sole carer, particularly if you have a family of your own. We've already told mum to be prepared for timesharing.

[Cocolove]

We had the same issue, DD2 has been difficult from conception with me in and out of hosi all pregnancy and then her behavioural issues it wasnt until she was 3 that I even mentioned another baby, we had a chat and decided that if she would be about 4 when the baby was born it so turned out she was 4yrs 7 months when he came along.

Why not negotiate on age gaps, it seems your 2nd baby is quite young maybe he just needs some more time before he thinks about a 3rd baby