3rd round ivf/icsi & not feeling positive

[nicoleh]

Hi all
I have just started my 3rd round of ivf/icsi, this time they are trying an atagonist cycle in the hope of getting less eggs and better quality ones. I want to do the ivf/icsi but I am just not feeling very positive about it. If the egg quality is no better this time round then that means there is just a problem with my eggs. I am also dreading how I will feel again if I am not pg. On both previous rounds I make it to 7 days past transfer then I start spotting and the next day it turns into af. Last round I took it really badly and cried for days.
Do any of you have any advice? How do you cope? How do you stay positive?
Thanks for listening

[oneday86]

Hi nicoleh, i know its hard to stay positive when all we know is so much dissapointment but you have to believe it will happen and that things will get better! I am currently waiting on lots of blood results for DH and myself and also my DH's DNA frag test, i am ready for more bad news because it's all i know lately but i always have hope that they will come back fine and next STIM cycle will be the one. Somedays i just get so frustarted with life and its unfair trials its putting DH and i through but then i have days where i see the bright side to my life and think in some way we are lucky for our journey, because when we are 80 and look back on our journey we will realise all our hard times were all for a reason and that our children and grandchildren (future talk) wouldn't be there if we hadn't gone through what are going through today. My journey has made my relationship stronger and i am much more comfortable in the person i am, i have so much more confidence and strength then i did 2 yrs ago. Im sorry if this dosn't help but it hurts me so much to hear other ppl's pain because i know how hard it is because i feel the same pain everyday. I wish you so much luck for your cycle and i hope and pray this is the one xxx

[WeeMansMummy]

Hi Hun.

Antagonist cycles are awesome! You will really notice the difference in your success and how you feel physically and emotionally. We also did it for egg quality but actually ended up with more eggs with great quality. Which I have notice in similar threads is quite common.
I also had 3 Ivf/ icsi cycles with the added pain of pgd testing. I NEVER thought it would happen for us so imagine my shock when it did.
I actually really enjoyed my 3rd cycle as I had developed a very different attitude than in my first 2. But I will say we had a 6 month break because I always needed some greiving time between cycles.

Wishing you the best of luck. I hope you notice a great improvement with you antagonist cycle

[andi81]

Hi nicoleh,

I have only been through one IVF cycle so far (I'm now waiting to have my lap and then start my next ICSI) so I can't really help out in regards to experiences. All I can say is that what you're feeling is normal, it's a total rollercoaster. When I found out that my first one failed I was devastated but one thing I tried to focus on was with each cycle we try we learn that little bit more about our cycles and that in turn takes us one more step closer to that long awaited BFP.

Good luck with this cycle, my fingers are crossed for you

Oneday86 - It's great to hear that all of this is strengthening your relationship. That's the same for me and DH too - I keep telling myself that if we can get through this then we can get through anything! Good luck with your tests

[oneday86]

Hi andi81 i also think the same thing that DH and i can get through anything and accomplish anything together, i think in a weird way we are kind of lucky (in a small way) to go through such a journey and that we arn't like everyone else that just does the deed and gets pg lol, our children will know how wanted they really are. Goodluck with your lap and goodluck with your next ICSI, DH and i will be starting our next ICSI STIM cycle in nov, i can't wait. xxx

[nicoleh]

Thanks everyone for your posts
oneday86 good luck with your test results.
I guess as much as I look forward to starting another cycle and the possibility of being pregnant I also dread going through the emotions of dealing with it not working. I should try to feel more positive as this is my first atagonist cycle and hopefully I will get some better results however I am also scared I won't and the problem with the eggs will not be due to quantity but a problem with me. I can see why its good to have a break between cycles but at the moment I just keep on going as I am scared of time running out due to my age. We did start IVF back in March and 6 days in I got up one night, felt a lilttle dizzy and next thing I knew I woke up on the kitchen floor not able to move my leg. DH got me to hospital and it turned out I had broken my ankle and needed to have surgery (a plate & 8 pins). I rang the FS 2 days later from hospital to check about wheelchair access(I was still going for a scan!!!) and when I told her what happened she broke it to me that I would have to stop the cycle and not be able to restart until I had recovered. So not knowing what can happen also makes me nervous to take a break.

DH & I as a couple are coping well, we have been through alot together (I have had some health issues over the years) and I was just hoping that when it came time to start a family we might catch a break and have things work out easily for once. I had no idea when I started this that it would be as emotional as it is, for all the explaining the fertility nurses & FS do nothing quite prepares you for that. jaki80 congrats on your BFP and hopefully the rest of us will all have one soon!

[oneday86]

Hey nicoleh, im glad your feeling a bit better and more positive about it Your very right about it being a huge emotional rollercoaster, i think we just have to try and deal with it the best we can and not be afraid to let out our emotions sometimes because we need that. Im sorry to hear about you breaking your ankle and having to cancel treatment, that must have been hard. I have everything crossed for you that this is your time xx