Co-sleep moving to own bed

[Softy]

Hi everyone,

I've read a few posts but wanted to ask a bit for a bit of advice. Our DD is just over 2 and we have co-slept for pretty much the whole time as in the beginning she had BAD reflux and wouldn't sleep unless with me. DP moved out of the bed as he woke too often when DD woke for feeds etc. The problem is that now DP has had enough and wants back in the bed...which I can't blame him really, but I'm not sure exactly how to get DD into her own toddler bed. I've made it up with Elmo bedding and she has successfully slept in there a few times with me in the room on a mattress on the floor. But I seem to sort of 'let' her decide if she'll sleep in her own Elmo bed or in the big bed cause after so long I sort of figure I can't push her and she has to be comfortable with it. I don't want to leave her straight away as she'll panic and tanty if I'm not there. I know some may say I've made a rod for my own back but on the other hand these are times with her that won't last long and I have loved sleeping with her. But DP is feeling left out and DD thinks that the master bed is hers and mine not daddy's! Just hoping to get some advice from others who have gone through this thanks :-)

[Kitt3n]

We are going through this ourselves at the moment - it's not a rod in your back at all hun, it's a blessing to snuggle a little one for so long!

We have just bought a new single sized bed..... it's arriving tomorrow actually. We are going to have it right up against ours and encourage her to sleep in that. We also have another bundle on the way, so I really want her to be comfy in the single bed before the squish's arrival.

Could you do something like that?

[appletree]

Wow! I could have written your post right down to the elmo sheets when my DD was that age! Hahaha.

You definitely haven't made a rod for your own back, don't let anyone tell you that! You have given your DD one of the best presents you could and she will be better off for it!

We did exactly what Kitt3n suggested, squeezed her single bed in next to ours beside the wall. She loves it, and it wasn't a struggle at all. She is still happily there a year and half later and when she is ready she will move into her own room. Because hers is a toddler bed, there is a bit of a drop down to her bed, so i propped it up on some books so there is less of a drop (she likes to sleep with her head right next to mine), but i left it a little so it is obvious which is her space and which is ours.

I recommend keeping your DH's bed set up though for when you need some time alone together, nothing worse than to look up and find a little someone watching you

[Softy]

Wow thanks so much guys, just to know others are out there and that I feel supported has brought tears to my eyes. In my heart I know I've been doing the right thing for DD but DP thinks that it's all wrong and it has created many arguments lately as he's had enough which is making me feel torn as I don't want to rush DD into her bed but then want to make DP happy as well?? He tells me that nobody else does what we do and that we're not a 'family' in the 'traditional' sense as mummy & daddy aren't in bed together. Truth be told I think I prefer sleeping with DD anyway as she doesn't snore!! I tried her bed last night but she has a toddler bed and she loves to cuddle to sleep so I have to squish in as well, then after milk and 3 stories she said 'mummy's bed'. So off we tottled to the big bed which later started another argument that I'm not trying hard enough and 'who's the parent?' Sorry went off track needed to vent! Anyway, thanks for suggestions I might suggest to DP that we move her bed into our bedroom and see how that goes down!? How do you guys think you'll approach moving your little ones into their own room?

[appletree]

You are definitely not the only one Softy! There are lots of parents like us out there, even if its only for part of the night

Once she is asleep, does she sleep the whole night through? Could you put her to sleep in your bed and then transfer her to her own bed once she is sound asleep and unlikely to wake when you move her?

I am just going to wait until DD asks to have her own room, she has started cottoning on that other kids have their own room when we go and visit her friends houses and i always ask her if she wants one for herself. When she gets a little older i will set up a beautiful bedroom for her to try and entice her in, but at the moment i like having her there too! I think DS is more likely to want his own room before DD, hahaha

[MummaSue]

There is a great book called the No Cry Sleep Solution that has lovely gentle ways to transition babies and toddlers!

Sue xxxxx

[boomba]

We still co sleep with my DS1 who is 3 but Dh is shift worker so he leaves at midnight so there is always lots of room for the boys and I :P

When we moved DS1 inot his own room...yes he did sleep in there for a while till DS2 came along...we put his toddler bed next to ours and did it very slowly...once he was happy to go to sleep in the toddler bed and wasnt waking I didnt make a fuss and just moved the bed inot his room and he was happy to sleep in there But I always go on the rule that if they want to come back and lseep let them...they are only little for such a short time and I want all the cuddles I can get

Good luck xxxx

[sloane]

i would have said that co-sleeping is far more 'traditional' than mum & dad in together & baby off at the other end of the house!

just wanted to let you know that we're co-sleepers as well. DS & i were in the big bed to start with but after a while i felt guilty that DP was in the spare room now DS & i share a mattress on the floor in DS' room & DP is back in the big bed. when DS seems ready, we'll convert his cot to a toddler bed & i will slowly move out of the room. i hope it's quite soon because i am a little over the sleeping on the floor on a small matress but i do feel like i've had the most beautiful opportunity to bond with my baby.

i think the idea of having the toddler bed in your room is a great one. there's no hurry really, is there? i was talking to my hairdresser about co-sleeping & (even though she doesn't have kids) she said she doesn't know of any one of her friends that hasn't co-slept with their children at some point. and she reckoned that the ones with two often had dad in with one & mum with the other

[Softy]

Thanks for the replies it's FANTASTIC to have so many reply that they are co-sleeping as well and cherish the times while our little ones are little.

She doesn't sleep through the night But wakes for milk top ups in her sippy cup 1-2 times a night...I know she shouldn't and I'm slowly cutting down the amount....just can't quite deal with a 2 year old tanty at 1 or 2am IYFWIM!!

Good to know Sloane that you sleep on a mattress on the floor in DS room this is exactly what I've been thinking of doing. We have done it twice before where DD actually went to sleep in her toddler bed but when she woke came onto the floor with me which I didn't mind cause lets face it they're soooo cute! Think I will go back to that strategy and keep at it this time so poor DP can go back to the bed. And slowly as she gets used to the idea I'll move further away.

Think DP gets frustrated as he doesn't have the same bond as me and DD and also think he might want another bub so in a way we each kinda have one and he doesn't see that happening if I'm still sleeping with DD but as you Boomba and others have said you can co-sleep with more than one, I guess it's just a juggle to make sure everyone gets some of your attention and nobody feels left out....I think DP has been feeling a bit left out Thanks again everyone for your advice & support I really appreciate it

[onthefly]

Bah! Lots of people sleep with their kids.
If you or your DD are uncomfortable with the transition, a half-way measure like pushing beds together or a mattress on the floor might be one way to go.
I slept on mattress on the floor with DS for aaaages. Then after his sleep started to settle down and he began to be able to sleep alone, we switched him to a single bed. Aside from falling out once or twice, he's been fine in there unless sick (when he comes back to bed with me). We still spend time getting him to sleep in the night, but it works pretty well.

Just give the gradually moving away approach a try and see how you go. You'll find out soon enough whether she's ready for it or not.

As for your DP - maybe try and set aside some special couple time too? Doesn't even have to be in bed.