ADVICE - Please help me be a good SAHM

[Epacris]

I reckon I’m a great working Mum .... but really, I’m a pretty crap SAHM. I just don’t really like being a SAHM I get tired, cross, bored, just like the kids hey? But the reality of having 3 under 5 and a DH that works full-time (and is often away) has set in and I have accepted that this is my lot for a least the next year or so (and really, what a lucky lot it is to have, I know that, I’m just struggling a bit with the day-to-day reality of it).

I really want to be a better parent than my TV. I don’t want to be some amazing, award-winning SAHM, I just want to get through the day with yelling and TV at a minimum.

So what are your tips? How do you do it? And mostly, what exactly do you do (this is the bit I just don’t get WTF do I do with them all day)?

Help!

[Arimeh]

Um I dunno, cos I'm definitely not the best parent!! LOL

We do a fair bit of colouring in and stickers and crafty type stuff here (when I can be bothered). They also play outside a fair bit, they have a sandpit, swing set, slide and trampoline out there to keep them busy.

They also play inside a lot though, just with their toys. Plus the day goes quicker with naps (although only one of mine naps at the moment) and I have morning tea at 10am and afternoon tea at 3.30 - so between the playing and everything, the days just seem to go.

Doesn't mean that I don't yell though, mostly at the kids being naughty towards each other.

[appletree]

Hahaha, i completely get where you are coming from! Nap time is one of my favourite times of the day! I also make sure the kids can play on their own for an hour or two making up their own games and i don't get involved at all (though they aren't at the stage of playing together/fighting luckily!).

Pick some activities that you like to do and start doing them with your kids. Eg. I love the beach, so we go to the beach once a week, i enjoy movies so i take them to kids movies (yeah, not quite the same i know!), this week is tangled (very cute movie), and next week there is a yogi bear movie. I love to swim, so we go out to olympic park aquatic centre (worth the drive for the water playground). Do you have any preschool days? They are a fantastic investment if you can afford it! I have a day for catching up with friends with kids so they can play together and i can chat.

I like to have a plan for the week of things to do, it makes it go a lot smoother/happier for all of us!

[littlelara]

I find doing one thing per day (assuming nap times allow) is a big help. Ds still naps 12:00 - 3:00 so we try to do something most mornings if we can; mothers group, library has activities, we used to go to a music programme, I make playdough and pretend not to notice how much mess they're making, they can cut or tear up junk mail and glue stuff, drawing (or painting if you're feeling particularly keen). I'm sure others will come up with more creative ideas, bit don't put too much pressure on yourself. It isn't the most interesting or enthralling of jobs for me, but I do what I can.
I know a lot of mums are much more driven and motivated than me, but I figure if we do one thing per day im doing ok.

[~Hestia~]

Yes it can be pretty boring I find I cope better if we go out in the mornings. DS is normally pretty bright eyed and bushy tailed at this time, so it's better than going out in the arvo when he's grumpy and over it! So we'll go to the park, a play centre, his Hey Di Ho, the pool or out to see a friend. He burns off energy and seems happier afterwards.

I also use this opportunity to duck into the shops before we go home for lunch and a nap. This way I'm not having to take him out again and don't have to keep worrying about whatever it is I need.

I have a babysitting swap with a friend of mine every Thursday. I'll have hers for a couple of hours and she'll have mine the next week. Having two is easy as they entertain each other! And we get to have a bit of a break to do whatever we want.

[*Belle*]

Hugs hon, I dont know if Im a good SAHM but these are the things we do:

We tend to go out in the morning rather than the arvo and then come home for lunch then bedtime for Tara
If we stay at home if its raining or dont feel like going out:
Um we watch TV while we eat breakie then it goes off and I play on the net while the kids dance to music
Then we will play craft or draw or glitter, that lasts at least and hour or so, then they go out to the back courtyard or our front balcony and play, then lunch, maybe 30mins of tv to quieten down then Tara's bedtime and Julia will rest in bed and read or play with something and sleep if she wants.
Afternoons are drawing, reading, playing with thomas sets or ponies or cooking something in the kitchen or whatever they want and then out backcourtyard to chase the lizards and play with leaves and then in for snack and later dinner. The girls play with each other now which is a good age.

If you are still round the corner mate, happy to meet up with you! the kids are at kinder on Mon and Tues but Wed - Fri we could meet up and the kids can run around while we chat.

Oh
I forgot to add! they both have an activity day, tara's is swimming and julia's is dancing. Tara swims on Fri mornings and Julia's dancing is on Thurs to fill in the days.

[PollyA]

I think I am the same as you, I am a working mum but recently DH went away and I had a spin as a SAHM

We got out and about once almost every day, keeps everyone from going stir crazy.
How to do that without breaking the budget?
Memberships and free stuff.

We are Zoo friends, its great, you can go to the zoo for 1-2 hours, have a picnic under the trees, watch one show and no pressure to see "everything" becayse you want your moneys worth
We are members of the science centre, good for too hot or too rainy days and has a baby toddler section too

Free sunny day stuff- parks, esspecially ones with good shade
Walks- good for everyone- beach walks, lakes, parks etc
a public transport day- get a train/bus/ferry pass and go for an adventure. they love it

Free rainy day stuff
Library- most have rhyme time or story time
shops- especially if they have indoor playgrounds etc
Playdates- the most exciting toys in the world--other kids toys

NOt so free- indoor playgrounds, under 2's normally free...they're safe too, for escapees. (Free if you go to McD's or HJ's- depends on how that sits for you)

If you get out and about most days when you come home the toys, colouring in, dress ups etc are not 'old' and they get excietd about them again.

Be kind to yourself,
Independant play teaches kids a lot too!

[BeautifulMadness]

oh gosh we play cars and play with blocks and usually they play with each and tell me to go away

[Just Me]

We have a routine ... it's the only way I get through (and I am by no means the best SAHM either!)

I find school holidays hard because lots of our activities stop but we have days for everything.

Our routine is basically:

Breakfast - the kids help tidy up after breakfast and I do a general clean-up of the kitchen and the dining room afterwards. Not perfect but enough to make it look presentable.

Kids have playtime after breakfast while I make morning tea and lunch and put it in the fridge. We have a playroom with a door which is very handy so I open the playroom at this time. I also slowly get them dressed in this time and dress myself. I pack the nappy bag for the day if I need to and DH leaves for work around now too. He usually helps get some of our jobs done in the morning, like dressing the kids, making morning tea and lunch and packing the nappy bag.

If it is an 'outing day' (like playtime on Tuesday, mother's group on Thursdays or a playdate or special visit to somewhere - we try to do one other outing a week besides mother's group and playtime) we head out around 8.30. If DH is still around, he helps me load the car If we are not going out we either do cooking or craft (sometimes craft is colouring in - sometimes more - depending on what I think I can cope with).

On an at home day we watch Playschool at 9.30 (and I have some BB time ) and then morning tea at 10am - TV gets turned off. I usually have a cup of coffee with the kids while they eat morning tea. If we are out, we have morning tea out and usually get home around 11.30. The kids just play from when we get home or after morning tea depending what we are doing. Usually DD2 is tired, but I try to keep her awake until lunch time so they all go down together so I do reading, singing etc during this time. This is also when I do washing if I need to.

At 12pm we have lunch. While the kids eat lunch, I get their milk ready for their naps (since they eat faster than me and sometimes are too tired to eat all their lunch, I don't bother trying to have lunch with them). As they finish (usually at different times), I help them tidy up their lunch, do a nappy change or check that they have been to the toilet, find dummies, get their milks and tuck them into bed. Usually, this is pretty intense part of my day because I am running from one child to another but it only lasts for about 15 mins and then they go to sleep.

After the kids are asleep, I sweep the dining room and kitchen and do another general tidy up and wipe down benches in the kitchen. DH loads the dishwasher when he gets home from work in the afternoon so I just make sure it is all stacked up neatly and everything is rinsed and food scraps have been put away.

While the kids sleep, I eat lunch, have some BB time or a nap, or watch some TV. I love this time of the day. It is usually an hour and a half I get to myself - no interruptions. It is how I cope with the rest of the day. I turn my phone off during this time and don't answer the door. Friends and family know not to visit during this time.

Usually DD1 wakes up first - around 2 - 2.30pm. I usually get her to do something quiet - colouring in or even a little bit of TV until the others wake up (usually around 3pm).

At 3pm, they watch playschool while I make afternoon tea.

At 3.30pm - we have afternoon tea and I have another coffee (Love my Delonghi coffee machine - it really does make a difference having good coffee).

DH finishes at 4pm so I usually get enough time to tidy up quickly from afternoon tea and then he is home. Sometimes I wait and have a coffee with him when he gets home. He usually gets changed out of his work clothes, has a rest for 15 mins, stacks the dishwasher and then takes the kids outside to play while I organise dinner. It is too hot here to do outside play before about 4.30 so it works well for us. It also means I am not fighting kids out of the kitchen while I am cooking.

We do general house cleaning on the weekends together (or more lately DH does it on his own because I am too tired to move). We sometimes head out for a walk after dinner (it's cool enough to do it then) and I find getting outside in the fresh air makes so much difference. The kids also settle to sleep more easily too on nights we go walking.


I am not really really strict about my routine and of course, thing change a bit when we have a newborn in the house because they don't do routine. Everybody else just works around the baby - I keep the kids up until the baby is ready to have a nap. Nap time is sacred. Some days one of my kids won't sleep but they still lie in their beds with a book for an hour to an hour and a half. They don't seem to mind and the down time means they are much happier in the afternoon too.

DD1 is about to start kindy this year for 5 days a fortnight and so she is gone between 9am and 2.30pm. I am going to have to fit in drop off and pick up times in our daily routine starting in 3 weeks time which should be interesting especially considering our new baby is due a couple of weeks after that.

I know what you mean about boring day in day out stuff ... I try to break it up a bit by going out and seeing people/things. When my kids are a bit older, I will probably go out more often than I do now but I find my days easier when we are at home and we do have some routine. DD2 really doesn't do well if we are not at home because she won't sleep anywhere but her own bed. When DH is around (like on weekends) we don't stick to the routine as much because it is easier to manage with 2 adults around but when I am on my own, it is my coping mechanism.

Don't know if that helped much. I hope you find something that works for you.

[Winter]

Join the gym & take advantage of the crèche!! This is my stay sane as a SAHM survival tip. I go to the gym about 3 times a week & DD loves the crèche. Its exercise, its a social life as you find that other mums tend to do the same classes regularly too so you meet people and its a break from the kids!

Join a playgroup - really great for meeting other families in your area & its nice for kids to play with other kids doing crafty stuff or just different toys.

Have a list of parks around you (especially ones with coffee shops nearby!!) that you can go exploring when you have run out of other ideas.

Good luck, its hard somedays but I wouldn't go back to work if you paid me ..oh wait...being paid is the point

[Mak]

Agree with all the pp's but have some other suggestions. Amidst making sure the kids are entertained and happy (clothed and fed too) my biggest mistake has not been thinking about what I need as well. So having scheduled time for you - maybe once a month/week/fortnight whatever you can manage but a set time to do something without the kids. I am also trying to walk before DH leaves for work when possible so I have had some peace and a chance to think/stretch my legs. I have also been to borrow some books for me when we go to the library so I can have an escape also maybe not often but it is there and works for me.
I also try not to continually clean up/do housework etc - have allocated time to do this so the day is not eaten away with it all.
GL xx

[Epacris]

Thank you so much everyone for all your kind words and valuable practical advice.

Yes, I should have mentioned, we don’t do afternoon naps in this house *sigh* if only, I am a HUGE fan of afternoon naps myself (especially atm). It makes for long days.

And it’s not really that bad, DS will be in kindy three days a week and DD two days so I will get a good break from them (I have convinced DH that kindy is actually much cheaper than prescription medication and therapy for me). But.... I don’t get much of a break on the weekend because DH is always working on the house (or some other project) and it is the most I will have ever been with them as a proportion of the week.

I do really well with the newborn stage (and older children) so I’m not really worried about that, it’s the 9 months to 3 years age/stage where they’re all brawn and no brain. They want to explore their world at the expense of the tidiness and cleanliness of mine, I find that extremely challenging.

Mel – Ahh thanks for your tips and honesty mate.

Appletree – I love going to cafes.... by myself.... Nah but seriously, I do take them to cafes quite often and I thought it was such an extravagance I’d have to give it up. But DH really surprised me and said, no way, keep going, it teaches them manners in public and functional things like how to speak to strangers (ordering) and money (paying). And I do make them order and pay for what they want.

Littlelara – I really like the tearing up junk mail / cutting and pasting activity idea. Thanks.

CheeselMonster – thanks for the tips.

Ahh my Belle – We’re right there with each other aren’t we! Lets meet at Carlingford Court once a week or something. It’s so funny you mentioned glitter, I nearly went back and added to my OP, please don’t suggest anything that involves glitter, I have a glitter phobia. Seriously, I HATE the stuff, there’s is a glitter decontamination chamber at my front door.

Independent play teaches kids a lot too!

PollyA -I could kiss you for this! Thanks, I LOVE it!

BeautifulMadness – Hehehe, that sounds great!

JustMe – I was hoping you would see this thread and reply because from what I know of you I really, really admire the way you interact with your kids (you are my SAHM hero). Thank you so much for such a detailed reply. It’s all extremely helpful.

Winter – Thanks for your tips mate.

Mak – And thanks for your tips too.

[Beach Mama]

I read lots of preschooler blogs to get ideas of stuff to do> I am not the most creative/arty person in the world but blogs like let the children play, irresistible ideas for play based learning, simple kids etc have some awesome ideas and inspiration on them for things to do and read and play etc. They all have links to other blogs too so the list goes on and on and I usually find one thing a day to do on them!

It is really tough getting through and I am finding now that I need to put a routine of sorts in place to keep them in check as they are relatively happy to play independently but also need some more structured stuff as well.

[*Belle*]

Mate! I only just saw your reply, I cant help laughing when I read about the glitter, I used to have a huge glue/glitter phobia, hated sticky things for a long time, I feel your pain with that one, its a love/hate relationship with me with glitter/glue.

Hey once a week at Carlingford Court sounds fab mate, mornings are best for us if thats ok with you. Hubby also wants me to ask you about the Territory! we are going to be doing serious carshopping. Will pm you my home no mate, as my mobile is caput I need a new one.

Bel
xxx

[turtleschell]

Awesome ideas here!
I just reckon that having a certain outing planned for each day is important, coz just one day at home can make you feel like you're in a rut.

[Mak]

Thought of some easy things we do to mix it up here also. Generally I try to stock up on some supplies at the $2 shop for craft.
The girls love using paintbrushes to paint with water outside.
They also like to clean the outside setting/house/dog with spray bottles of water and sponges.
Painting outside with sponges/leaves/sticks/gumnuts that we have collected from a walk/play at the park.
Picnic in the front/back yard.
Blowing/chasing bubbles.
Set up some water buckets, with containers and some food dye to play with/measure.
Making cubbies with doona's/blankets etc.
We play cafes at home too and they take orders etc (service is not that great, lol).
Baking once a week (I have to be really patient with this one) but the kids love makign cupcakes, biscuits and decorating stuff. (Generally before we clean the floors here).

I try to write a list of places to visit - different parks, outings to remind myself of things to do!!!

[thepixie]

Belle & Epacris I might be in for a catch up at Carlingford Court every now and again - I keep forgetting I am going to be a SAHM for a while too

[Amber4]

I promise I'm not trying to hijack this thread but I got on BB this afternoon in search for exactly the same thing as you Epacris! You all sound like you've got some great ideas and routines going on but many seem as though they are for a little bit older kids (???) and I would love to pick your brains about what you did when they were smaller, if that's OK?

My DD has just turned 1 and after several pretty traumatic (for both of us) attempts at putting her into care in the past 7 months (first family day care then childcare centre) we've decided to give up for a year or two and accept that we're all going to be a lot less stressed if I stay at home with her. My concerns are that she has outgrown some of her baby routine and most of her toys and usual activities, and I'm at a loss as to how to keep us both relatively sane and happy through this time! I would like to get us into a flexible routine but atm I am really fumbling and end up putting her in front of the TV with her toys for half the day and even she is getting sick of this!

She's also becoming more and more clingy and wants to be with me virtually everywhere... however she hasn't yet managed to crawl or walk which makes her incredibly frustrated. She can 'walk' if she holds my hands everywhere which of course she wants to do all of the time

My DH travels a lot too so although he's great when he's here, he works 6 days/week when he's in town and is away about 4 months of the year in business travel.

We have a mum's group but the days vary each week to try and fit in with everyone's work schedules so we can usually only make it once a fortnight as it conflicts with weekend activities or swimming etc. I would love to start going to the gym a few times a week for me but am wary of putting her in the creche there as she is SO clingy and seems to have such huge separation anxiety atm.

Also, fyi if it helps... these are the bits of our day that are "routine" so to speak: She has 2 bottles a day. The first is as soon as she wakes up at around 6:30am as she still cries for it on waking (this makes it hard as far as meal routines go because she usually won't eat anything else until 8am and even then she will only pick at say half a piece of toast). The second bottle is before she goes to bed at night. She also still has 2 naps.. the first one is about 9:30am and the second about 2pm. They last for anywhere from 1 - 2 hours so can make getting out of the house tricky I find. We usually do bath around 4:30 or 5pm and her dinner at about 5:30 or 6pm, but again when her naps vary quite a lot these times can get thrown out the window! One of the hardest things is her bedtime... she just doesn't seem tired before 8 or 8:30pm and if we put her to bed earlier she just screams herself until she's soaked in sweat and this could go on for half an hour. We decided long ago it was more peaceful to go with a later bedtime when she doesn't fight it and drops off to sleep usually pretty quickly and quietly. BUT it means DH and I often don't eat dinner til 8:30pm and of course there's not much time to relax in the evening with her up so long.

Would really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions on how to be a better SAHM to her... like Epacris I don't want to be mother of the year but good enough would be great for us I think! Thanks