Getting help for someone who's never been diagnosed...

[Calluna]

I'm fairly sure there is something going on with my Mum other than being strange and stupid. I don't know what it is and it's hard to explain it to anyone who hasn't witness her behaviour but she has quite a few things that are making her and consequently our life very difficult . The lastest is HERE.

She doesn't 'get' social cues, ie she'll visit us, be here all day despite our hints that she needs to go, if we try to be more forceful - say we have things to do she wants to stay and help or come with

She just doesn't 'get' jokes or sarcasm. Which seems trivial and it is but I think it's also a symptom of what is going on in her head. And I'm not talking riddles, I mean things like me saying I'll dress Isaac up in a business siut and send him out to work. She would say "oh no you can't do that he's too little!" Things that are obviously not serious, she takes very seriously.

Whenever we see her all she ever talks about is how awful her life is, how much she hates her job etc etc Pat (my brother) wont get a job or pay rent, I have no money, I have no friends. As children she used to think people didn't want to be friends with us at primary school because she was a welfare mum. At that age the kids don't care. She cant understand why no-one wants to be her friend.

She asks advice then ignores it. ALL the time.

She has an unrealistic self image, many people do but she talks about herself all he time and about how she looks 10 years younger than she is (she doesn't! more like 10 years older if anyhting becasue she stresses so much), she thinks she can act (she cant!! lol), she thinks she can sing (she's terrible), etc.

I took my BF to visit her - we stayed for 2 weeks over the school holidays, been together a month. She said that if we wanted to get married she would sign the papers. I was 15.

She followed me when I move to QLD with my BF because when I have children I'll need her help. I was 17.

She is also extremely anxious all the time, she is paranoid about the littlest things.

Alot of the things she does are a normal reaction but exaggerated. She'll have a very minor accident and be scared to drive the car for a month and refuse to do more than 50k's anywhere incl the motorway.

She is depresssed. Not sure if this is a sypmtom or a result of the way she thinks.

So my question is, does anyone have any idea's as to where we might start to get some help for her?

MIL suggested that I ask Centrelink to be her nominee and get her on a disability pension as she can't hold down a job - partly because of bad decisions and also because I think, employers/ clients simply find her too hard to get along with.

What would you do?

[kawazuki]

id get her to a gp and get mental health plan in place.
this will then entitle her to discounted if not free social work care and psychiatry.

When she is on this she will be able to apply for a disability pension once she has a diagnosis.
she will not be eligible until she has a diagnosis.

you will also need to see the GP without her, if you want to be the support person and find out what you need to do to make sure she is coping and your coping as it is a very stressful job being a carer.
from previous posts i don't feel you want this role.
and there is nothing wrong with that hun, nothing at all its a lot to ask of anyone and especially when you have your own family to care for.

But first call is get her to a GP for MHP.

good luck and its a hard time for anyone..

[Calluna]

Forgot to mention she is TERRIBLE with money. She sold her house in 2005 bought a whole heap of crap- 2 guitars and amplifiers, a huge flat screen tv, a car she didn't even test drive Because it was brand new, moved to QLD and less than a year later had nothing left.

That's what I though too about the MHP. I think I'll try to get her into my doctor, I know he is good and takes me seriously.... It's just a long way for her to go that's all...

I dont mind doing it, I'm just sick of going around in circles and getting absolutely nowhere with her... except up **** creek, that's been one of our favourite places to visit the past few years.

[kawazuki]

just keep your paddle with you lol..

I know what it feels like chasing your tail and getting no where.

she may also need a power of attorney for a while until she is stable.

The other thing is she needs to tell the DR everything she has been saying to you.

she is very lucky to have you

[misty]

Unfortunately unless and until SHE seeks out medical help and a diagnosis, nothing can really be done. And even then SHE needs to be the one to seeks out the help and support - and given what you have described about her personality, I doubt she would follow through on these things because it is not an easy process.

I am not saying you should not try. You should do what you feel you should do. But just be aware that you are likely going to be in for a very steep uphill battle - both with your mum and with any assistance you are trying to get for her. And if she decides for whatever reason that she doesn't agree with you, or that she doesn't want to be diagnosed, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Anything and everything you will be able to do, will on;y be able to happen with her informed permission and consent, no matter what MI she may or may not have.

[Catastrophic]

You can apply to get her assessed, any person over the agent 18 can get someone assesses, bit hefty fines if it's done in a malaise way.
She will be held in a mental facility for three days in which time she will be assessed by a physc. and they will work things out from there.
I wish u the very best of luck, our mental health in Australia isn't At it's best, IMO.


Love me

[misty]

You can apply to get her assessed, any person over the agent 18 can get someone assesses, bit hefty fines if it's done in a malaise way.
She will be held in a mental facility for three days in which time she will be assessed by a physc. and they will work things out from there.
I wish u the very best of luck, our mental health in Australia isn't At it's best, IMO.


Love me

That is only is their is clear and present evidence that the person in question may be considered a danger to themselves and/or to others, or with some other justifiable cause. Which honestly does not appear to be the case here. No Mental Health professional will do anything that will take away a persons liberty without sufficent cause and jepardize their career, their lisence to practice and even holds the possibility of huge fines and gaol time. It is NOT easy or even possible to have just anyone 'committed'. Once upon a time, this may have been more common place, but is not the case anymore.

[PumpkinZulu]

That is only is their is clear and present evidence that the person in question may be considered a danger to themselves and/or to others, or with some other justifiable cause. Which honestly does not appear to be the case here. No Mental Health professional will do anything that will take away a persons liberty without sufficent cause and jepardize their career, their lisence to practice and even holds the possibility of huge fines and gaol time. It is NOT easy or even possible to have just anyone 'committed'. Once upon a time, this may have been more common place, but is not the case anymore.

Exactly. I think it sounds like she does need help, but not to the point that it can be forced. To me her symptoms sound very typical of Bipolar, but I'm clearly not a professional

[Catastrophic]

Yup I agree misty. I was purely giving her options. It depends how bad she is, I was talking worst case scenario I should have mentioned that. Talk to ur GP about It is another option.


Love me

[Calluna]

I think what I'll do is make a couple of back to back long appointments with my doctor. The first one I'll go in alone and talk to him about it, take a list of examples to show him, basically what I've told you guys then have her speak to him, with or without me there.

I agree she's not so bad she needs to be institutionalised. but something definately needs to change.

[JLeigh29]

Yep, something definitely needs to change. I was thinking something on the Asperger's line, though I am no expert. Bipolar maybe? I think the GP appointment is the best start. GL hun, it'll be a long road, especially if she doesn't see anything wrong.

[Calluna]

My Dad suggested Aspergers too...
She is quite knowledgable, just makes really bad decisions.
I thought bipolar was mainly mood swings

[PumpkinZulu]

Most people do hun Some classic BP signs include delusions of granduer (thinking you're a great actor or look ten years younger), anxiety, depression, being reckless with money, paranoia, mania (being excessively hyper or happy)...and lots more. It's a difficult one to diagnose because it encompasses so much. I hope you can help her, whatever it may be, it sounds like she'd enjoy her life a lot more (and you would too!) if she were getting some help.

[christy]

I reckon get her assesssed if you can. Ask her to read the symptoms of Asperger's and see how she reacts. It sounds similar to Aspergers as well as Bipolar. My mum is Bipolar, my daughter is high functioning Autism.... they are very similar.... especially with the black & white mentality and taking things more literally than they need to be taken.

[Calluna]

She does tick a lot of those boxes, although not the mania one, I've Never seen her have a manic episode...

MIL's best Friend is a trainer at c'link, she says that if we go in and ask to see a social worker they can organise a psych assessment. My main concern with that though is that Mum will think I think she's nuts, or that they will treat her badly- I've had a bad experience with a c'link social worker myself.