Work trying to stuff DH around

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I'm so annoyed, DH has just rung me and vented - he got reamed today for 'not pulling his weight'. He has the highest work rate and the lowest error rate in the office, which was conveniently forgotten at pay review time. But now that he's requested a new one, they're magnifying everything. And unfortunately he's had a bad 2 weeks because he's been the sole organiser of a company charity event - that he was ASKED to do - and hasn't gotten as much work out.

To top it off, he's the one the checks everyones work, he's the one they all go to with questions, he basically runs the department because management is ALWAYS in meetings. But invariably, when it comes to pay review time, they pull crap outta nowhere as an excuse not to pay him a decent amount. He's a draughtsman, and he only earn $5k more than me - I'm a receptionist

So frustrated for him, he's busting his butt, I never see him coz he's always doing overtime or organising some event, and then they reamed him today. Not on, they're about to lose another draftee - 3rd this month

[Yeddi]

His work place sounds like it is being very poorly managed. Such a huge turnover is not a good thing to see.

No 1. rule "PROTECT THINE A$$"
- Get him to keep a diary, where he writes down everything (and that is everything) that he does so he has evidence of how much work he is doing that he can present when it comes to review time. He shouldn't rely on their memories which will always be short and understated. They'll also only remember bad things. Diaries that have whole days on a page are good as they are segmented into blocks of time, or use outlook.
- When he gets extra jobs like the event he needs to get management to confirm in writing (i.e. email) that this is a priority. Priority means it takes precedence over his other work, and that jobs that are less of a priority will need to have their end dates renegotiated. If everything is a priority and management wants to keep adding on top of rather than rearranging work, then the company needs to pull its finger out and hire more people. The email should say something like, "In accordance with request [date] this tasking has now become a priority over other taskings", or "These are the priority jobs, in order, on my schedule for the week starting [date]" something like that.
- He needs to confirm tasking at the beginning of the week, then at the end he could send them a SOFT report (Success, Opportunity, Failure, Threat) which lets management know just what is going on and provides visibility (both ways) - they can't say they don't know! Success - things that are completed, Opportunity - upcoming jobs, Failure - jobs that were not done and why, Threat - things that might not be done due to higher priority tasks taking longer than expected or unexpected factors that influence time frames.
- Keep copies of everything, emails, diary, soft reports etc.
- He needs to take control of his working hours. As in "I work from this time to this time except in certain instances where overtime is unavoidable". This can be tricky seeing he has already set a precedence but when something becomes expected it becomes unappreciated. But I understand people can have trouble saying "No".
- He needs to foster a relationship with a mentor or champion, preferably within the company, or if not, find one in the industry or in a company where he wants to go.

Hopefully these things will empower him.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Ooh, didn't get a notification that anyone had responded, lol. Thanks for all that Yeddi, I'll share it with Professor tonight.

My question is - is there any scenario where it would be acceptable for me to have a chat with either of his managers? I've met both of them several times at work functions, they both know me by sight. Professor's having another day off today, it's getting to be once a fortnight. But he just won't talk to them, he's very intimidated by the thought, given that he's been fobbed off by his direct manager several times.

I don't wanna go in there and tear shreds, I am very aware that it would be unusual for me to even do it. But I'm concerned that it's getting past the point of him being recognized for the good work he's doing - if he doesn't go to work, they'll eventually fire him, and rightly so. I want to sit down with HR and the two managers and tell them what's happening with him, why he's having so much time off. It's killing me watching it, because it could be solved very easily, but he doesn't feel he can say anything.

[Yeddi]

My question is - is there any scenario where it would be acceptable for me to have a chat with either of his managers?

No. I don't think this is wise. I know you want to help and protect him, but I think this would be opposite of helpful and I can't see it boding well for your DH. It will make them lose respect for your DH, put an even bigger target on you DH's back, and I can just imagine the things they would say between themselves afterwards - something along the lines of "needing his wife to fight his battles - too weak to do it on his own".

It could also cause issues between you and your DH too. If he doesn't feel like he can say anything, how would he feel about you doing it for him?

Perhaps it is time to look for work elsewhere... what does DH do exactly? I have a lot of contacts in the public service and defence industry, I could always point him in some new directions if his skill sets match.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Keike, my DH is going through this atm: he's applying for other jobs and telling his company that. His pay review is this month - they screwed him over last year too, this year he's leaving if they don't magically improve now he's threatening them.

He needs to see if he can get that overtime paid and needs to start saying "no, I'm not paid to take that responsibility" - I know it isn't what he wants to do, but it is his mental wellbeing on the line here. If they won't pay him to do the extra, he shouldn't do it. They are taking advantage and now he's suffering.

[Yeddi]

I personally would advise against telling work he is looking for other jobs, I've seen bad things happen because of that, or it doesn't make a difference. It's better to play your hand close to your chest and to be like a monkey - don't let go of one branch until you've firmly got your hand on the next (aka signed contract and start date). Conversely, once he has an offer of employment from somewhere else then HE has the power, he can choose to take that offer or use it to negotiate higher pay/other conditions for the current business to keep him. Until you've got that offer though, any threat of leaving is just hot air. They'll either just ignore the threats or will just say "fine, leave" knowing that unless he is in a very good financial position that he can just stop working while he looks for a new job, that he can't afford to leave until that new job materialised, and then they'll act if they want to keep him. In the mean time they'll continue to treat him like crap, or they might treat him worse because he's offended them but letting them know his intensions of leaving.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Depends on the person and the company - I know DH's big boss is frantically trying to get the company heads to give him a promotion, or at least is saying that. He also knows if DH is going to go, he will (that's how he came to his current job, the old one wasn't keeping their promises).

However, if DH goes then they lose a big contract that DH is on. I have seen people who don't pull their weight threaten to go and DH's only words have been "at least I don't get their mistakes on my desk next week."

I have also used the threat of moving jobs before - gone out and found a job and moved to it because work was messing me around. However, I am now in a job where most contracts state you have to say if you're applying for other roles before you do so: personally I think it's only fair to let the company know they have to pull their socks up or look for a replacement soon, especially if you are a valued worker. (As I clearly wasn't for my earlier job!)

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Update - everything's turning to crap. We had a dinner reservation last Friday, which shouldn't have been a problem. Professor works til 5 normally, but dinner wasn't til 6.30, so he was gonna do some overtime and I was gonna pick him up at 5.45 and we'd head straight to the restaurant. Only, the 2 people assigned to help him with this stupid charity committee didn't show up, so he didn't get out til just after 6 because he had to do it himself.

Then, he had arranged a few weeks back to finish work at 2.30 yesterday, because he had to get some tests done and go to the dental surgeon to book in his surgery - only his manager tells him at lunch that his last training session is after lunch, can't get out of it. He's a draftsman, and the training is customer service. So he didn't get his tests done, and was 15 minutes late for the surgeon.

FINALLY, he put in his overtime sheet on Monday for the pay fortnight, and his manager refused to pay it. He said Professor didn't get pre approved for overtime. Professor is actually doing to work of 2 draftsmen at the moment, because there's only 2 of them using Autosketch, and the other guy's on 3 weeks leave. So he's literally doing 2 peoples work (not to mention the work of the manager's who are never there). He just looked at his manager and asked 'I'm doing 2 peoples work - if I don't do overtime, it doesn't get done. I can stop, and the other guys jobs will be 3 weeks overdue by the time he gets back. Your call.' So they're paying it. I can't believe his manager even had the nerve to question it

It's starting to affect our relationship. He's not taking the sleeping pills regularly, he's yelling at me and getting quite intimidating sometimes. I know it's because he can control me easier than he can control work. Which sounds awful, I don't mean he's deliberately pushing me round or anything, but I'm a 'safe' person. But he's a big guy, a strong one. He's hurt me a few times, when we're mucking around at home, because he just doesn't get how strong he is. I'm starting to get very afraid he's gonna snap - if its at home, it'll be me that cops it, and if it's at work, he'll end up in jail. I'm not being dramatic either, this is how he got when he was being bullied in school, he was actually planning out how he would hurt them, how he could cause maximum damage with minimum effort. It scares the hell outta me, and I'm helpless to do anything.

[Yeddi]

Keike, it sounds like you're in a horrible position. Is he looking for work elsewhere?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Yes, he's had a few interviews but nothings come from them. I keep telling him to bypass his manager and go to the MD. His manager says he's keeping the MD informed, but I seriously doubt he is. It would look too bad for the manager, to have such a problem in his departments - it's in his interests to keep it quiet. Whereas the MD used to work on the tools, and has worked his way up, and is a very genuine guy; if he knew what was really going on, he'd take quick, decisive action. But DH doesn't want his manager to be fired, he just wants to be taken seriously y'know?

[MrsBexie]

Oh Keike... I am sorry this is happening! What a crap situation!
Is there any way he can find another company to work for?? Have you told him you are scared?

[Jennifer13]

Keike - if you are that scared, can you tell him? It really sounds like he needs to take some leave now before something serious happens. Call it stress leave - he needs to relieve some of that pressure fast.

Is there someone else he can trust that he could talk to/offload? How does he usually de-stress?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

He kinda doesn't, that's the problem. He leaves it, a lot of the time not telling me about it, til he wakes up one morning in tears because he can't face going to work He's applied for a week off on May, but we've gotta get to May. So far his work don't realise he's taking stress leave, because he just gets a generic doctors note. I've told him over and over to tell them it's stress related, I think it would make a difference!

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

He's just called me, supposedly to talk to me about the argument we had this morning - which is very out of character, he would usually just ignore it, lol - but after I drew him out he told me some more stuff about work. His manager just told him his performance review will be some time this month, to 'discuss some work related issues' I've made him promise to make an appointment to talk to HR about the situation, I guess it's a compromise, because he's really not comfortable going to the MD. I've met with her a few times, when she was interviewing me, and she seems to be a very competent woman, so I'm hoping it'll lead somewhere and the issues will start being resolved

[Jennifer13]

Sounds like he needs longer than a day off. If you're seriously worried Keike, I'd be more insistent with him. Tell him how worried you are! A complete breakdown is going to take more than just a few days out of him. He's better off taking some time to feel better (emotionally and physically) and then deal with the work problems afterwards. Can you go with him to the dr?

I'm glad he's talking with HR - we posted at the same time.

[BeautifulMadness]

My Dh is a draftsman for a victorian builder and he gets paid 20k less then whats the going rate.... he wnats to look for work A clsoer to home and B being paid whats he is entitled too...thing is he loves the company etc...plus now with bubs #3 on the way....he has asked for a pay review which is being looked at....Dh said he doesnt get it he is looking elsewhere.


its not worth the stress alot of the time....just go abt ur day to day stuff and look for another job...


gotta love the preformence review my Dh hates it cause alot of BS.....