DD's first birthday

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I'm already starting to make plans for DD's first birthday and i'm feeling really stuck about who to invite.

I only want close friends and family, those who she knows really well. I have a lot of friends who are already asking about her birthday and i feel like i will be rude if i say i'm sorry but you aren't invited..

I'm having it at my house and because my loungeroom, well my whole house isn't that big so i can't fit alot of people. And yes there is outside but her birthday is in winter and no doubt will be freezing.

I've decided that SIL won't be invited, but am really sad that her kids will have to miss out on DD's special day but thats something ill have to deal with.

I've invited one of DP's cousins and she is coming, he seems to think that his mum wont come when she finds out that this cousin is coming (she is from his dads side)

It would be just so much easier if everybody could just put their differences aside and be there for DD but thats asking for too much apparently..

How do i approach everybody with my decisions?? - how do i let down some of my friends and how do i tell MIL that this cousin is coming but i still would like her to come?

[Emma09]

I would just send out the invites and let them all suck it up
Not very constructive, I know- but those that want to celebrate your DD's birthday will come no matter what.


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[Miss.September]

I'd just send out the invites to who you want to have and leave explanations alone. It's YOUR DD's birthday, don't worry about their own issues. As for anyone who asks that isn't invited, I'd just simply say, yeah we're having a really small get together with family, but be careful if the pics go up on FB.

We only had a handful of people here for DD's 1st and less again for her 2nd. If people are desperate to see K for her birthday, they will make an effort to come at another time.

[RhiChiChi]

^^ I second that. At the end of the say whom you invite is your business and if people can't put aside their differences for a 1 yo then IMO they are selfish.

[mad4e]

Just tell everyone that your having a small family thing

And as for your MIL, If she won't come just cause your df's cousin is coming then it's her loss and I wouldn't worry about it

[briggsy's girl]

being blunt. screw your mother in law! It's not her birthday - it's your DD's! if she can't suck it up, then she shouldn't show up! you don't have to play peace keeper and you shouldn't have to pick who you invite to ensure feathers aren't ruffled. This is about K, not MIL!

with friends - can you have two smaller "gatherings" - a party for those K is close to, and then a less formal get together somewhere to celebrate with your friends? You can just be honest. Sorry, we have limited space (and money) so can't afford to go all out for her party, how about we meet up at such and such and we'll buy a cupcake for her or something?

as for SIL - is there any way you can invite the kids and not SIL? My DH's family are more screwy than yours could hope to be lol - but the adults don't define the kids. The adults know they are not welcome in our home in any way, but the kids are included in some things (DD's baptism etc) - we simply sent them the invite with a statement of "if the kids can come, such and such will pick them up and drop them off after the party". They don't know where we live now, and i'm sure as hell not going to let them turn up so we have to do things this way. it's something to ponder... SIL might see it as a perfect opportunity to get a couple of hours break from her kids and it might work out ok...

[Calluna]

ooh LMS, you've just reminded me I want to post a thread about something similar. Wont hijack yours but suffice to say I feel your pain!!

Good luck with it chicky!

[briggsy's girl]

oh yeah, i probably should say i'm living this (family wise) at the moment! lol

i have put off sending out invites for her birthday cos i just didn't want to deal with it all

[UsPlus2]

We didnt have the family drama but can relate about the lack of space. We had such a tiny house for DS 1st birthday, we ended up having 3 seperate do's. His birthday was mid week, so the weekend before we had over the grandparents and other family. We had his actual birthday just us, and then the following weekend had mums group and other little friends over. It was a celebration week, was stacks of fun Got good mileage out of the decorations we brought lol.

Have fun planning and try not to take on the stress of other peoples issues. Your DD will only have 1 first birthday, enjoy it and forget everything else.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Thanks guys

I think i will just invite everybody and people have a problem then they can stick it. I feel like everything i want to do i have to check to make sure everybody is ok with it and its horrible! I won't even get started on why i probably won't ever get to marry DP..

Oh then there are issues with my own sister, she wants to come down from qld but she wants to bring her boyfriend whom we all cannot stand and i refuse to have him anywhere near my child. She is trying almost everything to convince us that hes 'changed' so he can come so i may not even invite her.

It sucks when it all has to resort to this! If only we could choose our families huh?

[briggsy's girl]

If only we could choose our families huh?

why can't you? we have cut pretty much all the toxic people out of our lives - including DH's two siblings, his nephews and nieces, and many members of my own family. i'm not prepared to waste time and emotional energy on people that don't show me the same care and respect.

DD isn't missing out, she has surrogate aunts, uncles, bluncles (her black uncle) - the people that actually give a toss about us, about her - and show us the respect we deserve.

blood doesn't make anyone worthy of being around your children - love and respect make them worthy of respect.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Thats so true. But i have the issue of DP... and i wont even get started on that.