'If they can ask for it, it's time to stop'.

[HotI]

I was retelling a funny story today about a baby asking for "booby" to some mates, when one of them said 'If they can ask for it, it's time to stop breastfeeding'.

Now i probably used to think similarly, but my child is 1, not looking like stopping breastfeeding anytime soon and starting to talk. She signs milk (sometimes) and will respond when i ask her if she wants a drink. So probably in the not too distant future she will be 'asking' for it and we neither of us are ready to stop.

I have known since she was a newborn when she wanted a drink, so it's just that when she is more verbal others may recognise that she is asking for a feed.

The comment kind of made me sad because i have been comfortable to feed in front of my mates. I have felt that there is a bit less acceptance from some people as my LO has got closer to 1, and i expect that this will probably increase. I don't want to be an activist when i am feeding my child, i just want to feed her! I also don't want to restrict my feeding of her (in public places) just to stop getting comments or to stop discomfort to me or another person.

I wish i had said something now. NOt something antagonistic but just a statement that i will probaby still be feeding DD when she is able to ask for it.

[*Sparklez*]

babe you are doing a great job!
dont let anyone make you feel like your doing any less just because the vocabulary is there doesnt mean that the complete understanding is..

xox

[Laranna]

You're doing great! DD is 15 months now and I'm getting the "are you still feeding her?!" comments more frequently. DD well and truly knows how to ask for it too now. Fortunately, she has her own word for it. So, instead of demanding "booooby", she says "dooo-dor!" and slaps my chest I've had some strange looks at the shops. Actually, I was quite thankful the other day when she asked for "doo-dor" as we were in church at a funeral when she asked. I think it would have been quite embarrassing if she had've said "booby" loudly in church

Anyway, just like you, I have no intention of stopping just because she can ask for it. And I don't stop feeding in public because other people might feel uncomfortable. At this age, they are so quick with feeding, no one would hardly notice she had fed!

Keep up the great work

[feeb]

Hugs hun it is hard when you feed longer than what our society view as the norm!!

I had a friend BF till just before her DD 4th birthday and I thought wow thats a bit trippy I couldnt do that, but you know what I now have my own kids and DS1 is nearly 3 and still BF and asks for it regularly!!!

My MIL asked me when DS1 was 5 months old when I was stopping I said 7 year LOL. I have certain friends I will BF DS1 in front of and not others due to reactions and only will feed him in front of my family not MIL or FIL.
Well done keep up good work.

[*Sparklez*]

Oh and just to throw in the comfort factor, a family freidn of mine, no actually 2 family friends.
One fed till her son was 8 yrs old, YES 8!! he used to come home from school and ask for it and i was like WTF?? but each to their own
and the other fed her son till he was 6 yrs. So believe me there is nothing bad with the way you feel about feeding your child, just say to them , there is a lot worse things they can be drinking right now..

[Pandora]

I find that somewhat amusing.
So, when you kids are old enough to ask for food, do you stop feeding them?
Some people are just on a different plane of reality.

[Gigi]

so sad, i got it too - from when bilby was five months old (the social pressure NOT to breastfeed her).

i worked out eventually, every person who made a comment, it was about THEM, not about my child and her nutrition.

it's hard to be a one woman education program, when all you want to do is feed your child and get on with your life.

so to have your head around what you are doing, feel confident and strong with your position, - well it's good to have all that sorted out BEFORE you are feeding in front of your friends, so that when the comments come you
- were prepared for it mentally, so it won't hit you as hard (regardless if you want to comment or not)

i had people make comments, as if they were trying to provoke me. Like if i said anything pro-bf-ing, i would cop a big serve. So i decided, when i felt strong engough to make comments (took me quite a while) - that i would only say "i" statements, and postive statements - prolly cos i am so scared of any conflict - e.g "it's working for our family", "yes, it's a decision we're really happy with and bilby is so healthy, so we coudn't be happier with our decision". "it's not for everyone, but it is right for us".

I realised i wasn't going to get support IRL, so i found it online (BB, la leche, kellymom, aba, FB), had my aba calendar on the kitchen wall where i coulod see it every day - just the sight of those pro bf-ing pics helped me, had my aba subscription, which meant every two months, a copy of their mag, ESSENCE, arrived in my letterbox, and i would read it cover to cover - chock a block with pro-bfing info from real mums allover Australia. So find support where you can. Everyone around me was formula feeding, so i had to search for support. And i learnt NEVER to mention any problems with bf-ing, as if i mentioned anything like that, the 100% FF mums around me, would then say "your problem willl be solved if you formula feed". So choose where you speak about bf-ing. tread carefully - if you get postiive vibes, keep going. It's sad, but i found it very true. Happy or sad stories, i found i had to make sure i shared my experiences in a safe environment. I was bursting with happiness about how healthy my baby was, not getting sick like her peers, but i had to "sit" on that, not talk about it, as i knew it would get a bad reaction.

[Snacks]

I wish i had said something now. NOt something antagonistic but just a statement that i will probaby still be feeding DD when she is able to ask for it.

You could probably just continue in that fashion though - if someone says something, just give them a simple response. E.g. "Are you STILL breastfeeding?!?" "Yes - we have no good reason to stop yet."
If you don't want to be the activist, you don't have to go into detail. If people are silly enough to question you just give them a simple answer.
It's hard though when you're on display! I found I was very fortunate to have supportive people around me. The only people who gave me surprised looks when I was feeding P beyond 1yo were my MG friends and because they're obviously all parents themselves they were very 'tolerant' of whatever we were all doing differently.
I hope your friends surprise you and are still supportive once they've seen how normal breastfeeding into toddlerhood is.

[NaeNae]

My BFF thinks feeding an older baby is creepy. Her other firends that have become mummies over the last few years have not BF for as long as we have. DD is 17 months old and while she only really feeds to sleep now, I still have no issues feeding her if we are out in public. If I don't offer, DD will pull down my top exposing me to everyone

I try to throw in a BF deliberately when I am around BFF even if it makes her uncomfortable because, as she is yet to become a mother herself, I want her to see that its normal and a 17 month baby/toddler feeding is still just as beautiful as a 1 month old.

I think the more people are exposed to it the more "normal" it becomes. I think part of the problem is that as babies get older and feed less frequently you are less likely to see a mother BF an older baby/toddler.

Look at me for instance DD only feeds to sleep now and most of the time we are at home when she needs to be fed!!

Just think about how funny it will be when that mentioned friend becomes a mother and she cops comments like this, you'll be able to offer your full support and without saying anything directly, mention how hurtful it is when people are not accepting what is a perfectly normal thing.



Nae x x x

[beckoes]

dd is 2 yrs and 8 months and has been able to ask for it since she was about 11 months and there is no way i would have stopped bf then.....although my mum thinks i should. we only feed at home now though so that avoids comments. all i can say is 'ignore and continue'

[Liz]

Ugh isn't it a load of rot? They ask for it from day 1!

I found the best response was to look shocked they'd even suggest such a thing lol. And throw in a quick comment that it's recommended they breastfeed until at least 2

[Lenny]

So, when you kids are old enough to ask for food, do you stop feeding them?

OOoo that is so cool. I HAVE to remember that line!

[Lily Dust]

Hun, you are not alone on feeling this way and I want to say how proud I am of you! I still BF but am ashamed to say a 'closet feeder' now, beacause it is just another decision I have to defend and I simply (at this time) dont have the energy to fight it I have fought about it with my family and friends since she was birthed! I dont lie, I just dont bring it up and have been known to say 'no longer feeding' to FIL to save the disaster that will occur.

Not really a helpful post but I am sorry you are meeting such negativity but I am SO proud of you for being true to yourself and your little girl. Must say Pandoras quote is awesome and I may just have to reinstate the 'fight'

[briggsy's girl]

My DD started asking at 8 months - no way was i stopping then!!

She doesn't ask to feed in "public" so much now - too much going on! But if someone is here and she wants a drink, i don't stop her having one, no matter who it is. we've fed at the accountant, the doctor, while on a family photo shoot, shopping centres, food courts - i dare ANYONE to say anything to me about it. She has every right to have a feed when she wants

There are some people i won't feed in front of - it's not because i am uncomfortable, but because of their own culture and out of respect for them. We usually sit chatting around their dining room table - if E wants a feed, i will go into the lounge. the women follow and continue talking, the men will go outside. it's not that i am uncomfortable or that they believe it is bad - it's all about respect kwim?

as for anyone being here - i have a friend who considers breast milk "disgusting" - not the fact that DD feeds, just his own feeling about it. He is the only one who has said anything, and it was a comment of "you can keep that kid, it's disgusting" - i just said "she's about to feed, if you have an issue with that, there's the door.

i NEVER thought i would have this strength of conviction when it came to feeding DD. I have massive issues with my body, and the thought of people seeing me with my breast exposed freaked me out - but DD shouldn't have to suffer for my issues (or anyone elses) so whenever, wherever.

She will wean when she's ready - and that's what i say to anyone that asks. when SHE is ready. her age doesn't define whether it's right for her - it is merely a number

[Jellyfish]

Guess we should never breastfeed then because like others have said, they start 'asking' for it the moment they are born! Just because babies can't use the vocabulary we do doesn't mean they don't communicate...

[UntoldAngel]

Between "when they can ask for it, it's time to stop" and "when they have teeth you'll stop" it erks me!

P has asked for it from day one. He may not say "I want boob" but I know, and other people will know because they hand him over and say he wants boob... Umm so by them knowing that's what he wants, does it mean I should stop?? I won't stop until he is ready to.

FIL actually told me the other day I'll need to get him off the boob soon because "you can't have two feeding at the same time"... I'm pretty sure you can, what do twins do?? Just because mine won't be the same age, if P still wants boob when bub is born, then so be it, he just might have to learn to be patient

[mummajj]

i wouldnt worry about it hun. no way is a one yr old too old for booby!

my philosophy has (and always will be), "when they can remember it,its time to stop".even if we both are enjoying breastfeeding at the time. i would be traumatised if i actually remembered suckling my mothers boob. i wouldnt want my child to remember suckling my boob. imagine a poor teenage boy remembering that!! LOL.
just my opinion,no offense to anyone breastfeeding older children.

[hj1981]

I personally have an age in mind where i think Hmmm still breastfeeding! really?! BUT i also believe each to their own! i would never make a comment to someone nor would i make them feel uncomfortable about doing so!

And i agree whole heartedly with a previous comment that they ask for it from birth, so i don't think telling someone they should stop because the baby/toddle/child can "ask for it

and mummajj has a good valid point i believe in saying "when they can remember it,its time to stop", because that seriously can not be doing them any good mentally!

But hey i'm no expert, i have my own thoughts and beliefs on this subject and no one is right or wrong. It personal!

Just do what ever you think is right! you are after all the MUM!