My 6 month old is a horrible sleeper. always has been. its getting worse. boob cry bounce cry pat cry CRY CRY CRY CRY.
its 6 am and i got her out of bed because if she cried some more I might go insane. I'm half way there already.
this can't go on. it just can't. I know some people say to suck it up but i cant and i feel like a failure for not being able to do so. im not angry she is a bad sleeper. im angry i cant cope with it.
there has got to be something that can help.
i want to go on to explain more. but guess what, there is a screaming tired baby at my foot.
I don't have any advice but you aren't alone. I never dealt well with an older baby crying a lot through the night all I wanted them to do was just go to sleep. I did the boob cuddles, took them into my bed,cuddled on the couch walked around with dd till all hours.
I hope someone can come and give you some good advice
Just some personal experince. When my first was 5 mnths old I went to sleep school. After that I never slept with him or fed him through the night. My husband and I bent over the cot patting and rocking. By 10 mnths I was exhausted. A kind counsellor from my ABA group suggested that the methods weren't working and perhaps I should just put him in bed with us. I was a little aghast. That wasn't my thing. But I was exhausted! I tried it - to be honest, it worked better than the alternative.
When you get some rest yourself - it's mother's day this weekend, milk that for all it's worth - get some-one to take the baby so you can have a long sleep in. Ring the ABA mum2mum helpline (1800 6862686) they are great with allowing you to talk things through like this. And will have some helpful strategies.
It's worth trying to work out if this is normal - the myth of babies sleeping through the night is powerful - but it is a myth. Or is there something that is keeping your baby awake, illness, allergies, eczema etc.
It's a really hard time for you - look after yourself
it's not a long term solution but for the short term is there anyone who can help you out for a couple of hours so you can have a rest?
i'm with barb as well - co-sleeping saved me. for me the agony was having to actually get out of my bed to tend to a baby that woke many, many times overnight. we started at around 5 months & i still spend part of the night with DS. it has saved my sanity & helped me get as much sleep as possible.
do you get any time for yourself during the day/week? do you get a chance to get some fresh air, exercise or even go & grab a coffee & read a book? those half hour breaks can mean the world of difference.
i know what it's like to dread every night & feel constantly tired & angry. keep talking to us when you get a chance & hopefully you'll get lots of helpful suggestions
to you. No real advice but just wanted to say you're not a failure at all. Babies who don't sleep are very hard work, and it's near impossible to think/feel rational when you're sleep deprived.
How does she sleep in a pram? Sling/carrier? Hammock? Just trying to think of some places she might sleep and give you some rest. I know DS was quite happy to sleep with us and at least it meant I wasn't getting up and down all night.
CIO is painful for me too. Don't be angry with yourself for how you feel.
I don't have all the answers but can you put baby in a sling/carrier or something and walk. Walking soothes your own soul and might just soothe baby to sleep. Then when you get back home just keep baby in the sling warm and close and have a quiet sit down.
Don't try to cook dinner or clean the house or anything!! Nothing matters. Take care of you and your baby right now.
Have you tried just bringing her to bed with you? Many, many babies are 'crap' sleepers - the truth is they are very average babies. It's hard when you want space to yourself to sleep, but sometimes that just isn't going to work for you. I fought my DS for ages before finally giving in and sleeping with him. His sleep didn't improve, but mine did With DD I didn't bother and just have her in bed with me.
But you do also need time out. Can your partner take her overnight sometimes? Even just for 3-4 hours so you can have a block of sleep. Perhaps on the weekends if it's not feasible during the week. And do you have family that coud watch her during th week so you can have a little catchup nap ocasionally?
If you think she may be in physical discomfort, then definitely get her checked out.
I echo what everyone else has said - your bub sounds normal. It is a myth that all babies sleep through by a few months of age. Have you tried carrying her around in a sling or baby carrier?
You can ring the ABA helpline like Barb suggested, or if you feel that it is a medical issue (e.g. silent reflux), then maybe go see your GP. GL. Parenting is hard, but it does get easier. This too shall pass.
It's not anything you're doing wrong. I've had two vastly different sleepers and I did pretty much the same with both of them with different results!
I agree with the co-sleeping. I can't even begin to imagine how tired mums get if they're getting up throughout the night. DD2 used to wake up after every sleep cycle (40 mins) - if I'd have to get up to her I would have gone completely insane. Because she either sleeps with me or DP, she goes back to sleep within about 30 seconds.
There are some times when I think a little controlled crying is worth trying but when you're exhausted and beside yourself is not a good time. You just need some bloody sleep so that you can then work out what to do. DD2 also wasn't sleeping very much during the day so for the past week I've gone back to basics. Stayed in the house a lot more, put her to bed at roughly the same time and just tried to work out what helps her go to sleep. With DD1 it was a song and a blankie. DD2 is different. You sing, she gets more awake. What works for her is to disappear quite quickly, let her cry for a little bit (I'm talking two mins max not 10 mins), then go back and she seems to understand then that it really IS sleepy time and I can just lie her down, pat her and she goes to sleep. If I stay with her the whole time, it's impossible to get her to sleep. I've tried on many occasions for over 30 mins and it just doesn't work for her.
I feel bad for you, I went through the same thing, My daughter is STILL not sleeping through the night and she turned 3 in March. She was a fairly good baby through the day from birth but was a little horror at night. I would stand and rock her for what felt like hours and then she would only sleep for 30 mins at a time. I had finally had enough when she was about 8 months old and got myself on the waiting list for the Queen Elizabeth Centre (A sleep school) I felt like a failure that I had to ask someone else for help with my own child but it was the BEST thing I ever did. Some people think sleep school isn't a good thing and it's all about controlled crying but it really isn't. The sleep nurses worked with me and asked what I was comfortable with before suggesting methods I could use to get her to sleep without having to keep rocking her. After a one day stay (and some hard work at home on my own) it took about 2 weeks after that of sticking to what they showed me and my daughter was now having 2 x 2 hour naps through the day. I was in HEAVEN!
She was still very hard to resettle during the night so I went back when she was 15 months old to the sleep school for a 4 night stay and she has been so much better ever since then. Even though I have a husband he wasnt much help during the night in helping me stay calm and keep my cool, going to the sleep school and having the nurse there at night to help me made things so much easier and made it much less stressful. After those 4 days my daughter went from waking at least 5-6 times a night to only 2-3 times per night and I felt much more relaxed when she did wake up as I knew what to do to get her back to sleep.
If you feel like you're at the end of your tether, don't wait any longer, try and get in to a sleep school. When I went to QEC my husband was also welcome to stay with us and all our meals were done for us and each day we attended parenting classes whilst the nurses watched our kids. It was such a nice rest!
QEC also has a good website with videos and podcasts that can give you some good advice on sleep settling, just search in goodle for queen elizabeth centre
Last edited by onthefly; May 11th, 2011 at 02:50 PM.
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Crying it out is crying out to me
I don't have any advice but you aren't alone. I never dealt well with an older baby crying a lot through the night all I wanted them to do was just go to sleep. I did the boob cuddles, took them into my bed,cuddled on the couch walked around with dd till all hours.
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