am i a bad parent??

[1pj]

Im just feeling a bit of a failure and i know alot of things are my own fault!i dont know what im after if im after excuses or its ok ir a good kick up the pants to get myself back in gear,im not lazy but i guess i dont want to disrupt the peace and routine?DD is 27 months,she still is in nappies,shes still having a wait for it....bottle AND shes still in her cot i know shes probably too old for all these things but i dont know where to start,shes such a happy little thing and seems quite a routine kind of child,i thought maybe i should start with getting her in her own bed,weve got it all set up in her room ready ive just been too scared to take out the cot and put her in it!Shes only really having a bottle before bed but she wont have it any other way and she wont have it in a cup!As for TT dont get me started i have seriously tried that with no results and not sure if that shoul just take a back seat for a while and get onto these others but where to start??I feel shes got 3 big things that need to be done and i dont know how or what to do first!Im also 25 weeks pregnant so i know its probably best to get some of these sorted before the next bub comes,how did i get to just letting these things get on top of me??i really thought well i guess time has just gone and its all gotten away from me?

[Tinks]

I'm sorry you feel like a bad parent. I don't think you are. It's your decision and your decision only when to move her into a bed, or toilet train.

[MantaRay]

I'm still waiting for the bit where you have done something wrong. You sound like a perfectly normal parent to me

Are you wanting to use the cot for the baby? If so, my suggestion is that you try moving her now so that she does 't associate the move with the baby. Otherwise it can wait until you are all ready. If it helps, we moved DS into a bed in a new room when I was Pg with DS2 and it went really well. We started by putting toys in there and giving him play time in the room. Then we read his bedtime story on the new bed - we kept calling it his big boy bed - for 2 nights. On night 3 I asked him where he wanted to sleep - cot or bed - and he chose the bed. After that he just slept there with no hassle.

We didn't TT DS until after the baby was born. I don't think you choose the TT time, I think our children do. There is no point trying before they are ready, it just makes it harder for all. DS 2 was nearly 3 when he was ready, DS2 was just on 2. Kids all get to readiness at different ages but younger siblings seem to be more likely to train earlier.

Keep going with the great job you are doing hun. You have a happy and healthy DD, isn't that what matters?

[indie24]

I dont think you are a bad parent. DD is nearly 3 and still refusing to toilet train. They do it in their own time.

[krysalyss]

I think you need to change things one step at a time and not stress too much. She is old understand to understand what you are saying. We gave away DS' dummy the day after he turned two. But we gave him a months notice. Every few days we would say - when you turn two we are going to have a big party and then we are going to put all your dummys in the bin (because he understood that things don't come out again). Because it was so far off for him he wasn't worried. Then when it came to do it, he did it himself with pretty much no fuss. So think of ways you can change while still working in with the way they are, and don't try to change everything at once. If you can convince them to choose it themselves then that makes it easier. Otherwise slowly slowly and you will get there. Don't stress.

[aussienic]

nope not bad at all

My eldest was 2.5 before we took the bottle, dummy, cot and nappies away He is now nearly 12 and suffered no ill effects from it

We did things differently with our others but only because they were different

I tried to put our son in a bed and he kept coming out so cot it was till he learnt how to climb out of it (dd did that at 12 months Ds1 was 2.5)

If she is happy and you are happy then that is all matters. Oh and my Ds1 had a bottle in bed.. oh no! and he would have one during the day for naps as well.

[~Kim~]

Oh hun, no you are not.....and if you are, I'm right up there with you.

[Gigi]

we are all our own worst critic

[Miss.September]

If you have a happy child, that hardly constitutes you being a bad parent! There's no time limit on things hun, if she's happy and you're happy, then go with the flow.

[Starfish]

I agree with everyone else - you are in no way a bad parent.

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is WHY you think the things you mentioned are a problem. Most kids develop in their own time, e.g. in terms of TT, sleeping on their own, etc. Some kids do this quicker than others. Your DD seems to be well withing the normal range, so you don't need to stress about these things. Your DD will get there in her own time (and it will be lot less struggle for you if you don't fight her). GL.

[1pj]

Thanks ladies,i guess its a mixture of things,mainly because i feel alot of older ones feel she should be doing all these things and make me feel bad because she doesnt,maybe i need to not see them so much for a while its starting to really get me down,ive just had another blubber sessions because i was out with an older lady friend i know and she thought my DDs behaviour was unacceptable i admit she was bit bad today but there was a number of reasons why but then basically said to me and all these others we ran into that shes naughty because im so hopeless and dont discipline which isnt true at all!!So over it i will try take your advice and let her do things in her own time and do one thing at a time and not stress,thanks again!

[fionas]

Darl, every child is different. I'm an old fart myself but that hasn't stopped grannies coming up to me and telling me everything I'm doing wrong with my child. It's really hard not to take it to heart but you know your child best. DD1 is a bit of a wild child. It's a fine line between knowing when I should be disciplining and when I should be choosing my battles IYKWIM. But as long as there's progress, I think that's all that matters. She's a lot better behaved than she was six months ago.

As for the bottles, cot and TT - well, they're really quite minor stuff in the whole scheme of things. I mean, no-one at her 18th birthday is going to ask her when she started sleeping in a bed, stopped drinking out of a bottle or stopped wearing nappies. They will, however, notice whether she's a good person, a kind person etc. etc. and those are the things that matter. Have a cuppa and pat yourself on the back for loving your daughter.

[Saffi]

My DS was in a cot until he was about 26 months - and only got him out to put #2 in it. I actually think waiting for as long as we did was to our benefit as he made the transition in one day.

As for TT it has been a gradual process over almost 2 years to get to the point of being confident he'll go on his own . He's still in nappies at night and we are only just starting to think about that.

Don't be so hard on yourself. As the others have said kids (and parents) do things in their own time and sometimes rushing into something before they are ready can be worse than waiting a bit.

[tina_k]

Your dd sounds just like mine! 26 months and still sleeping in a cot, having her milk from a bottle and in nappies. I've tried the tt thing with no luck, and also swapping the bottle for a cup. She's a creature of habit and change is really hard on her. I'm struggling with this too at the moment but I don't think it makes us bad mothers!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

DS was almost 4 before we had TT cracked. He only went into a bed because I found co-sleeping in a cot too difficult.

I was lucky with the bottle thing - he always preferred solids and "big boy" cups to breast/bottle. But he still has a little drink in a cup just before bedtime.

I'm a bad mother: DS is over 4 and can't ride a bike, can't write his name without help and can play computer games. As I said to a friend when our babies were just 6m old, when they're in the nursing home it will be who still has any teeth, not who had the first teeth. Who's not yet in nappies, not who was first out of them.

(Given that I was told off for being relaxed even in labour, there's no wonder Liebs suffers from a non-pushy parent!)