please tell me this is normal

[sirenz]

DS WON'T STOP WHINGING, CRYING AND CARRYING ON LIKE A LUNATIC!!

its getting to the point now where i'm dreading taking him anywhere and dread taking him to visit anyone because he spends the whole time whinging over EVERYTHING!! and i'm not exagerating either, he whinges all day every single day and its wearing me out

for example, today we went to visit his nan and pop and my sister and her dd was there. My ds whinged before he even got out of the car because my sisters dd didn't come and say hello straight away! and its not a quiet whinge either, its a full on screaming match.

Another example is, his blue chalk broke in half - I explained that it was ok and it didn't matter and he now had 2 blue chalks to use.... but no this wasn't good enough for ds, His screaming was that bad that I had to send him to his room and he spent 45mins crying and screaming (even cuddling him didn't settle him down). I have never heard him like this before, all over a piece of chalk.

He will scream and carry on if we give him the wrong cup or the wrong plate or the wrong dinner tray. He will scream and carry on if he can't get his little leggo man to stay on the leggo car properly, he will scream and carry on when his car race thingo doesn't work properly etc etc. ALL DAY EVERY DAY!

What am I doing wrong?? is there something wrong with him? Please tell me it gets better

Another thing is, he doesn't listen when we ask him to do something and when he does listen he replies with "huh"? like he didn't hear us, but when we ask him to repeat what we said , he will repeat exactly what we said!! grrrr why does he do this?? its driving me insane! I am so sick of yelling at him (which i'm sure makes it worse), I want to be a calm, happy mummy, but instead I dread waking up everyday because I know what is in store for me I am constantly cranky because of his behaviour too, which is also getting me down.

[Catastrophic]

"this is normal"
Different children react to different things in different ways this is the way your son is dealing with the situations around him.
What you can do that might help is be consistant, prepare him for what might be comming (to avoid tantrums), talk to him about what your going to be doing and how you like him to behave, if using the same colour plate and fork work - do it :-D xoxo Big hug this parenting thing is a bit tough sometimes they never tell you about that!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Toddlers like routine. TBH I was the same as a toddler, my mother tells me, only she had my sister to look after so just ignored my mini-meltdowns.

And although I can spend time crying over a broken toy or piece of crockery now, it isn't a tantrum. No-one helped me when I was younger see it wasn't the end of the world, so to me it still feels like that, even though I calm myself down about it.

[onthefly]

They do get overwhelmed with emotion very easily - everything is a major drama (good and bad). They need us to help learn to soothe themselves and that means staying calm. Shouting really does make it worse. I'm not saying this to have a go at you, but speaking for experience I'm training myself to stay calm, deep breath, count to 10, etc
Most of what they learn, they get from us - so when we stay calm and soothe ourselves, we are showing them how to behave in these situations too. My son got into the habit of saying 'eh' all the time. It drove us bonkers. Of course he picked it up from us. And then he figured out it was annoying so did it even more

Sometimes diet (certain foods, additives etc) can play havock with them. That's something you may want to consider - is there any connection with particular foods/drinks?
The other thing is hunger. My DS is absolutely feral when he's hungry but he almost never asks for food! It took me a while (and I still forget sometimes) but I finally realised this and when he starts losing it I now shove some food in his hand. 90% of the time it helps.

ETA - MN made a great poitn about preparing them for things. That really helps us heaps with DS. We always talk about what's coming next and what will happen, and crucially perhaps, we disucss what we expect from DS.

[sirenz]

thanks ladies

MadB, I definately do understand you when you say yelling at them makes it worse, and I do yell at him alot lately because i''m at my wits end
Diet is definately not the problem, he doesn't have any food with any additives, or added sugar (we try to eat all natural/unprocessed foods), and we have our own organic veggies grown at home, which he loves

I always prepare him for things before we go out and tell him what I expect of his behaviour, unfortunately it goes in one ear and out the other

I just don't see other kids carrying on as much as my ds, it worries me a little bit, perhaps he has some sensory disorder? He gets very emotional about everything, most kids have fun playing - especially with other kids, where as he will spend the whole time (i mean the whole time) whinging that the kids didn't do this or that. We took him to an animal farm the other weekend, me and dh didn't enjoy ourselves at all. DS whinged the whole time and he seemed distracted by little things instead of being like the other kids and enjoying the animals. He didn't want to feed them, pat them or even go near them, he seemed somewhat overwhelmed by the whole thing (which would be normal for maybe a little while, but it was the whole time we were there he acted like this). I just don't get it at all.

[onthefly]

If you feel it may be more than the usual, then there's no harm whatsoever in following that up with your doctor Sirenz. And if there is an issue, then the sooner you get onto it the better for all of you.

[Catastrophic]

If you feel it may be more than the usual, then there's no harm whatsoever in following that up with your doctor Sirenz. And if there is an issue, then the sooner you get onto it the better for all of you.

^Agreed

[Ginger]

Sounds like it wouldn't hurt to speak to a gp about your concerns.

[misty]

It is completely normal. At least if it isn't, I have three VERY abnormal children, because they ALL do this!!!!

[kiwimummy]

Have a google about highly sensitive children. It might ring some bells. If you think this might fit your DS, then the book The Highly Sensitive Child is a really good read.

It is normal, what you describe, but some children do it more than others. My DS is very much like you are describing. He reacts much more intensely than other children. And yes you do feel very frustrated (and I yell too) and like your child is different. It is just one end of the spectrum of behaviour, and there are heaps and heaps of upsides.

If he reacts like this, he may also react more positively, have the stubborness to suceed in later life, enjoy music and culture to a deeper degree, good energy, good sense of humour etc

I have found time out and traditional behaviour strategies don't work for us. He is too intense and upset and too stubborn. He seems to do better if I try to help him understand his emotions, and let him feel them/help name them (not make him feel abnormal) and then support him to calm down (we do deep breaths together). It helps to talk about things in advance for sure.

HTH a bit, it's hard work. But I'm sure he's normal

[kiwimummy]

Also another very good book is Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

[~StarBright~]

I dont know what your thougths are about star signs or the like.. but when i read your description of your son and how he interacts with the other kids, i right away thought of how i was as a kid and i thought, thats just typical capricorn behaviour!!!

Us Caps get things set in our head that may or may not be close to reality and when things dont match whats in our heads, we get the poo's. When other kids dont do what we want them to to fit into our little "picture" of playing, it will annoy us to no end!!! (i even find this with my own children, they dont play how i want them to lol, i have to take a deep breath, let go and remember i am playing with them, not the other way around :-) ) Maybe find some info on different star signs- there would be one on the net somewhere for kids and there are probably some strategies and tips for dealing with each little person of the zodiac. Depends how much you beleive of all that, i dont personally take any notice of the weekly stars in the newspaper, but i have met too many people who are so typical of their zodiac sign that i beleive there is something there!! Might be worth a looksie!!

It does also sound like normal kids behaviour- my DS hates it if his lego man doesnt sit properly in the tractor, and heaven help us if he is trying to put the wrong man in the wrong truck who doesnt fit!! After many attempts they both get thrown and the crying starts... BUT its not ALL THE TIME.... it is often, but not all the time!!

Good luck!! I hope things improve for you soon xxoo

ETA>>>> OOPs, big booboo... your DS isnt a Capricorn lol!!! Sorry!!! Please feel free to ignore all i said!!

[sirenz]

lol Starbright, thats ok about the booboo

Thanks for all of your replies, I will definately be googling the sensitive child issue and also thanks for the recommendations of the books..

Guess i'm just tired and fed up and now dh is talking about another baby, don't know if I could handle all of this again

It is good to hear other peoples children react like this, because I have not seen it in any children that I know.