Advice - toddler getting out of bed at night

[Taurean]

DD has been in her toddler bed (her cot converted) for a week now. She's doing really well and has surprised us by how well she's taken to it, especially as she's only just gone 22 months.

Putting her to bed at night is a little time consuming but she has been down around 8pm the last few nights. Her day sleeps are brilliant and there isn't really any fuss going down for them and she's doing her usual 1.5-2.5 hours.

The issue I have is with her waking and getting up over night. She's been up 4 times tonight and although she's quick to settle in her bed, it's hard on preggy me - I need sleep! We put a mesh kiddy gate across her door but it's noisy to open and shut so we haven't used it much, we just leave her door and our door slightly ajar so she can wander in if she needs us. I *think* this may be helping her to settle easier when she wakes as she hasn't been crying, she's not distressed at all.

Anyway, what I'm wondering is will this change? Is she likely to just stop wandering and am I tackling it the best way by returning her to bed and staying with her until she's settled? Or should we use the gate and play tough? I don't really like that option, especially in the middle of the night, but I'm worried about creating bad habits too.

Any advice or suggestions or is this purely a 'novelty' for DD which will wear off in time?

[Yas]

I think it might be adjustment hun....i wouldn't put the gate up. My DS did this at various times due to change ie moved him to a bed or if he was sleeping somewhere new etc. I would just encourage her to stay in bed, mummy and daddy are in the next room etc. If it's still happening in a couple of weeks i'd get tougher, or if she was getting up playing with toys or something (my DS did that, i guess because he could lol)
GL xxxxxxxxxx

[Beach Mama]

I agree - hard as it is sounds like she is just adjusting, and if she isn't distressed I would take her back tell her it's dark/night time and time to sleep and keep resetting. Sounds like she is settling well although in the midst of wake ups it is hard to feel it! Funny story - when J started sleeping on his mattress on the floor, one night in the first week I heard him crying and went into his room and he was standing inside his pop-up washing basket thingy crying :O I have no idea how he got in there I don't think he knew either but his cot used to be on the other side of the room so we think he was trying to find it! Too cute!

[Taurean]

Thanks heaps girls. I was hoping it was just an adjustment thing as she's doing so well otherwise. I'll see how she goes over the next few weeks - hopefully she'll wander less soon, lol!

Tanstar - love that story about your DS in the clothes basket! Hilarious and gorgeous!

[Artechim]

Hopefully she adjusts quickly. DS is nearly 4 and still wanders out of his room most nights, but I am sure you didn't want to hear that lol!

[Taurean]

Just call me The Zombie. I'm shattered.

Any more thoughts girls? We are a couple of weeks in and I'm up to DD 5 times most nights. I honestly may as well stay up all night as the games start as soon as my head hits the pillow (how does she know that I've just gone to bed?!), continue until 2am usually, then it starts again around 5am.

She's quick to settle each time until the 5am wakeup when she's really restless and she just can't get herself back to sleep easily. She often sleeps for another 30 mins then wakes again then comes into our bed and sleeps soundly for a couple of hours! Clearly she's tired but for the first time ever (well, despite the newborn days) she can't sleep properly past 5am. She has always been a sleeper-iner, til 8am or so. I'm at a loss, I have no idea what's going on.

I lost it this morning - totally lost it. After an hour of gently trying to get her back to sleep, I let her scream behind her door for 10 minutes then I threw the towel in - turned on all the lights, let DD out of her room still screaming but I just walked away from her and started the day. I even told DH to f-off when he tried to comfort me as well I just had to yell at someone, poor DH. Thankfully he's been very understanding that I'm just so overtired and so over it.

So is it time for sleep school?

Hopefully she adjusts quickly. DS is nearly 4 and still wanders out of his room most nights, but I am sure you didn't want to hear that lol!

You're right Arte, I so didn't want to hear that!

[OceanPrincess]

Don't despair. Have I told you about my rule yet? The stay in bed stay quiet rule?

[Artechim]

OceanPrincess, I am all ears (...eyes?) for your stay in bed stay quiet rule! Slightly desperate in fact lol

Taurean, we are having problems too. I can resettle her a couple of times and then she starts snapping awake as soon as I try to leave the room. DH will then sleep in there with her but she still has a massive screaming fit for 5-10 minutes because she wants it to be me and not him. I am 32 weeks preg and I don't like co-sleeping with an octopus - I just wanna sleep!

I don't know what to do with her

[Taurean]

OceanPrincess, I am all ears (...eyes?) for your stay in bed stay quiet rule! Slightly desperate in fact lol

Taurean, we are having problems too. I can resettle her a couple of times and then she starts snapping awake as soon as I try to leave the room. DH will then sleep in there with her but she still has a massive screaming fit for 5-10 minutes because she wants it to be me and not him. I am 32 weeks preg and I don't like co-sleeping with an octopus - I just wanna sleep!

I don't know what to do with her

Snap!! We are the same! Well except I'm only 16 weeks pregnant but DD won't have a bar of DH overnight and goes spastic if he dares to go near her. Everything is 'mummy, mummy, MUMMY!!' When we bring her into bed with us she wriggles so much at first that I'm wide awake by the time she nods off and she insists on sleeping on my pillow - or on ME half the time. DH suggested bringing her in this morning. I told him very bluntly 'no bloody way'. LOL. I feel like she's winning, but is it really a game or am I just making it one? Argh!!!!

OP - yes, please share your secret NOW!

[Cranky Kitten]

Mmmm, sounds what my DD used to do - I found that a consistent no-nonsense "is anything wrong? No, okay well it's night time, back to bed you can come out when the sun's up" worked best. I'd walk (frog-march) her back to her room, lay her down and tuck her in, then leave. Wouldn't stay with her till she was asleep or anything, and would reinforce that even if she's not asleep, dark-time means in bed and quiet time.

Took a little while of jack in the box, but she soon worked out it wasn't worth it as there was never anything interesting going on so she may as well stay in bed.

[Arimeh]

I'm not going to tell you how my kids are - I'll just say I'm here for tips too! Lol

But I will say that I have your problem - x 3

Lol

[Olive]

we have a day/night sleep clock and DD2 knows she cant get out of bed until sheep is awake (7am here) works a treat! i got mine from amazon but baby bunting and bambino pronto sell a similar night clock, we've been using it since she was around 18 months
xx

[OceanPrincess]

LOL... sorry to leave you in suspense... got an 11.30 meeting, be back after that!

[~Kaz~]

We are having similar issues here - not every night but most. DS is about 27 months old and has been in a toddler bed for about 6 weeks. Prior to that I was doing a lot of sitting with him while he fell asleep - in the evening then at every wake up OFten for hours at a time. He wanted me right there in his doorway. It totally sucked on the rough nights and I'm not pg so you have my sympathy hun!

Things we do here:
*We talk at other times during the day about bed & sleeping (book characters, TV shows, toys etc) and about sleeping at night (all night) and not getting up until the sun comes up. We have a rule where he can only get into our bed for cuddles once the sun is up so when he wanders in before dawn we take him back to bed. Sometimes he has a bit of a cuddle and then he gets back into bed and we say good night and leave.
* He goes to sleep with a couple of soft toys. Lately the number has grown a bit but DP has been away so I figured it was about DS needing more security. He calls them his 'friends'. Sometimes in the middle of the night he will say he needs more 'friends' and so I get him another 2-3 small soft toys. I try to give him different ones/rotate them so they are a bit new and he doesn't do this every night. This means he is happy to remain in bed alone until he drops back off to sleep. I have heard other parents leave books and toys etc (depending on lighting) for their kids at the end of the bed.
* I have started limiting his day sleeps and have the daycare centre waking him after 1 hour when he is there. I don't let him sleep longer than an hour here and if we get to say 2pm without a daysleep then he doesn't have one that day. He was catching up during the day (I think) and this meant he was not as tired overnight and was able to stay awake longer. If he is not keen to go to sleep during the day I don't push it (never really did but he is now having more sleep-free days as he gets older). This tactic is probably the most helpful in that we have had a few great nights since we started it last week. The shockers we've had lately are teeth related I think.

I HTH. For what it's worth I have been to sleep school with DS when he was 17m old and it didn't really work. At your DD's age, the staff will work more on your consistency with her I think and getting her to stay in her bed. So if you guys can pick a strategy or two and stay consistent I'm not sure you'll gain much more from going to school. WRT the staying in bed strict obedience thing, I'm not comfy with that for DS. I want him to feel he is safe to come and wake us if he has a problem in the middle of the night y'know? From what I witnessed with the older toddlers at sleep school, they will be very hardline with your DD following the rules etc. You can always call the parenting lines those places have and get some advice/tips etc over the phone too. (Not trying to turn you off sleep school, you know what you need, just sharing my opinion/experience).

I wonder if your DD is aware of your pg and feeling a bit more insecure lately because she understands on some level that things will change in the family? Or maybe you are at the horrible stage (as are we) of being between needing a decent day sleep and not needing it so much?

hun. This too shall pass. Hopefully soon.

Oh one last thing. I find when I expect DS to sleep though/sleep better etc I am much more agitated and upset when he doesn't. I have had many episodes of 'losing it' like you described Lately I have been trying to re-frame the situation as this is just part of who he is. We've had pretty consistent sleep issues of one type or another his whole life and I am starting to believe that he will just be a kid/teen/adult who doesn't sleep well. Plenty of my friends and even DP aren't the greatest sleepers. So I have started to expect that he will continue to wake me on a regular/semi-regular basis. That has helped my POV and ability to remain calm/patient enormously. I'm sorry that's probably not the type of strategy you were hoping to hear but it has helped me to do this.

[OceanPrincess]

We started having dramas around 18mths when she realised she could get out of bed on her own, once she was asleep she was ok. So we implemented "The Rule" and that got her used to staying in bed.

Since then, she has been pretty good but has just recently discovered she can open her own door, so now she thinks its good fun to get up and open the door and come for a nightly visit, so I'm having to revisit "The Rule" again to try and combat this new problem. It is working so far...

Ok here is what we did.

Worked out some sort of reward/treat that would motivate her. For us, it was being able to watch one episode of Dora or Hi-5 when she woke up. Then we told her we had a new rule for bedtime - "Stay in bed and stay quiet". So we explained that when mummy or daddy says its time for sleeping, she has to stay in bed and stay quiet. That's the rule. (The word "rule" is important apparently.)

If she stays in bed and stays quiet, she can watch TV when she wakes up. If she doesn't, no TV. Simple as that.

For her day sleep, we just tell her its time for sleeping, stay in bed stay quiet. We don't say til a certain time or whatever.

For nights, we are using a Gro clock similar to Olive's (I stole the idea off Olive myself ) so our bedtime routine is now as follows:
- Night nappy on, in her bedroom
- Two books while she's having her milk, in bed, with daddy
- Goodnight kiss and cuddle from mummy
- Last cuddle from daddy
- Say goodnight to the sun (the Gro clock has a function where the sun winks and yawns and goes to sleep, to be replaced by a sleeping star)
- Ask DD what the rule is? Stay in bed stay quiet - until the sun comes up.
- Say goodnight, walk out.

Our clock comes on at 7am - the sun wakes up again so she knows its time to get up.

When we first started the rule, it was a big adjustment. We had to walk back in, put her back in bed, remind her "What's the rule?" and wait for her to say "Stay in bed and stay quiet!" And remind her she could watch TV if she stayed in bed and stayed quiet.

The first few times - took maybe a week or so - we would go back in maybe twice and on the third time I would say "Last chance - stay in bed and stay quiet. If mummy has to come back in one more time, no TV in the morning." And to begin with, she'd get up again and then I'd have to follow through in the morning with no TV. I'd go back in, tell her she's broken the rule, no TV in the morning. Put her back in bed, again say firmly "Stay in bed and stay quiet. No calling out to mummy, no yelling, no crying, no getting out of bed." And walk out again. Eventually she stayed and it worked.

But no TV in the morning. When she woke and wanted to watch Dora, I would remind her that she didn't stay in bed and stay quiet, so no TV. I would tell her she could try again when it was sleep time - if she stayed in bed and stayed quiet for her nap, she could watch something when she woke up.

DH initially said that it was too far removed - she couldn't associate the punishment with the behaviour the night before, but she began to understand pretty quick smart and he stopped saying that!

So it took a week or so, initially, for her to get it. Then followed a blissful period where we would just say to her "Time for sleeping, what's our rule?" and she'd say "Stay bed stay quuuuieeeet!" and we'd say "Say nigh-night sun!" and she'd say "Nigh nigh sun!", then she'd say "Love you!", snuggle down and be off to sleep.

And now its stopped.

So the opening the door thing and I think her last molars have tripped us up again. But I am approaching it the same way - back in bed, "What's our rule?" and she knows she is doing wrong because she won't look at me, wriggles around and refuses to say "stay in bed stay quiet". Eventually she does and when she says it, I can usually tell whether she means it or not.

But since she started this new getting out of bed thing, I've only once had to withhold TV - every other time she has pushed it right to the "Last chance!" but then stays in bed. So it does work - its just about being consistent in your approach.

I should also add that after the first month or so, she wouldn't even ask for TV when she woke up. Most mornings she just gets up, has brekkie, plays happily. So she's stopped associating it with TV now, she just knows she has to stay in bed stay quiet. Which was the plan!

Good luck hun. It worked for us - and I developed this plan under guidance from a council child behavioural specialist so its not just my whacked idea!!

[Olive]

lol op DD kisses sheepie (as she calls him) every night before sleep

[OceanPrincess]

I should add that as Kaz points out having "rules" might not be your parenting style and that's of course fine... DD still wakes overnight, maybe just 2 or 3 nights a week, but if she wakes and is in pain or upset, I will still go to her. I just soothe her, shhh her, tell her its ok, its time for sleeping, whatever works.

I only use the "What's our rule?" line for when I know she is just pushing the boundaries. Last night she woke and came out, crying and saying she had an ow, DH just picked her up, gave her a cuddle, snuggled her back in bed, she cried and said she wanted him in her bed, he lay down with her for a while, she went to sleep and he came back to bed.

So we don't try and force it on her if she's genuinely upset or anxious, does that make sense?

If she is screaming and crying hysterically for one of us, we don't ignore her. So I've tried to find a balance between having the Rule and also still meeting her needs. Hope that makes sense.

This works for us when she is being a highly-independent, strong-willed 2.5yo. When she is my upset baby girl, well then we use something else

[OceanPrincess]

lol op DD kisses sheepie (as she calls him) every night before sleep

Lol we now have a routine of bedtime kisses - I say "kiss for DD", give her a kiss. Then DD says "Mummy kiss Miffy" so Miffy gets a kiss. "Kiss my fingers" so her fingers get a kiss. "Kiss Miffy's fingers" (Miffy doesn't have fingers ) so I kiss Miffy's fingers. "Kiss Miffy's tail"

You get the idea...