Pressure to have another.......

[MummaSue]

I am finding that the pressure to have another baby is worse than the pressure we faced when TTC our DD.

6 years of trying, IUI and IVF, one miscarriage and we finally got our girl.

But for us, that's it at the moment. We're not even close to considering another baby. No where near it.

But it seems to be all people want to know. She's only 15 months for goodness sake. Still waking 2 hourly overnight, breastfeeding like a crazy woman. I have no mental energy to even consider another baby at the moment. Plus, I am loving our little family, just the three of us.

STOP ASKING ME IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER!!!!!

GGRRRRR!

Thank you for reading LTTTCers. I am sure lots of you appreciate where I'm coming from

Rant over.

[TaRhLi.]

Hugs to you...

I hope you also aren't hearing that old line of "Oh it will happen naturally next time" as well. That one really peeves me no end..

[entreat]

I'm totally on the same page!

DH & I have an appointment with the FS next month (not wait! THIS month!!) & although I need to be weaned for only a month before starting IVF again - I just can't see it! I can't see shedding any of the night feeds any time soon, or the day feeds for that matter.

And, Shhh.... I'm not sure I want to start making #2 yet. But I know that the whole process is so time consuming, I should start soonish.

[luna moth]

mate.

People just don't get it. Even when they *think* they can sympathise with your journey, they just have no idea about just how precious that little girl is to you.

I know you'd go to the ends of the earth for your little girl, and I think she's worth it.

If I ever pressure you to have another one, it's because you are one fabulous mama.

[MummaSue]

Hugs to you...

I hope you also aren't hearing that old line of "Oh it will happen naturally next time" as well. That one really peeves me no end..

Yes, I hear that one all the time. I imagine myself circus punching the people who say it to me.

Thank you gorgeous girls, I knew you'd "get it".

xxxxx

[onthefly]

Oh it's so annoying isn't it?! Newsflash: Having a baby doesn't help my husband's sperm.

For very similar reasons, I couln't even contemplate going back to IVF till DS was 2.
But don't you know you're a selfish parent if you don't give your child a sibling...? (or something? )

[Lenny]

Pressure. It's mad. People force so much unwanted attention/criticism etc on us no matter where we are in life.

I can't believe people ask if/when you are having more children. No of your business. You don't go asking them what their bank balance is? How often they have sex? I mean how much more personal can you get!

My mum said to me that i would get pg naturally after DS1, and wouldn't that be nice. Because clearly the 'non-natural' version was an inferior product! (Sorry this was your vent LOL)

[RhiChiChi]

((hugs)) to you all.
I remember my mum saying that same sex couples shouldn't be allowed access to IVF b/c it is unnatural - ummm hello, DH & I were doing IUI at the time.... she told me that was ok b/c we are a male & female couple..... :-/ Some people don't think and don't truly understand that their 'supportive' or 'general' sometimes comments cut like a knife.

[Miss.B]

Hugs lovely! Tell them to mind their own business! Pft!

I'm lucky as the only pressure I have is from the good 'ol me! lol. I sould start soon before my eggs decide to do a runner on me! hahaha.

Do it if and when all three of you are ready

[MummaSue]

But don't you know you're a selfish parent if you don't give your child a sibling...? (or something? )

Yep, I have had this conversation with people soooooo many times. And then we get all of the stupid reasons why we MUST have another baby. The latest one being "what if something happens to your DD and you're left with no children". There really are no words to respond to that one.

Pressure. It's mad. People force so much unwanted attention/criticism etc on us no matter where we are in life.

I can't believe people ask if/when you are having more children. No of your business. You don't go asking them what their bank balance is? How often they have sex? I mean how much more personal can you get!

My mum said to me that i would get pg naturally after DS1, and wouldn't that be nice. Because clearly the 'non-natural' version was an inferior product! (Sorry this was your vent LOL)

So so true Lenny, it's like we did IVF but now that doesn't matter. Completely invalidates the whole process and heartache of TTC DD.

Waaaaaa!
Thank you for understanding. I guess it's not pressure really but I'm just perceiving it to be so because people just love to ask the question.

One of these days I will come up with a sharp and witty response.

[Lily Dust]

You know what?? I dont even have any words So Im just offering my support and understanding that some people just simply do not get 'it' *sighs* Im sorry you are being hounded by uneducated and nosey people.

[Muraho]

I'm only a 'noob', but I wanted to say how much I empathise.

It took a bit of 'help' to get our Rhino; then I had medical complications during my pregnancy that continued on for the first six months of his life. Thankfully, even before TTC, we were pretty solid on only wanting the one child - but this was solidified with all the drama we had.

It's very hard when people pressurise you to go try for another, especially when the first time was so tough. I also hate it when they tell me all the 'bad' about only having one - I am an only child, and for me I really didn't see any negatives. There were lots of ways my mum orchestrated things to avoid the pitfalls often mentioned when discussing only children - so I know we can do the same.

I get very frustrated too, so I understand...

[MummaSue]

I get very frustrated too, so I understand...

Thank you lady, I know this post was written a while ago but the pressure still seems to be there..... especially when almost everyone in our mothers and ABA groups is pregnant with number 2 or 3 or even more!

Ah well, I realised not long after I wrote this post that the pressure is coming from me, in response to comments about only children.

At the end of the day it's our decision and no-one elses. And I ended up being one of "those women" (who fell pregnant naturally after IVF) in October but unfortunately it was ectopic and stuck inside my "blocked" tube.......

What will be, will be.

[Lily Dust]

And I ended up being one of "those women" (who fell pregnant naturally after IVF)

I ended up being one of 'those' women too MummaSue....means you dont 'fit' in anywhere

[MummaSue]

I ended up being one of 'those' women too MummaSue....means you dont 'fit' in anywhere

That's so true! I never thought about it like that. Especially since the pregnancy was lost...... huh.



Hope you're ok LD xx

[Lenny]

You two!! You fit. You fit here. You fit in other places too.
Lots of lovely people have natural pregnancies before and after LTTTC. It doesn't make their journey to parenthood any more or less valid. Some of us can't ever have natural pregnancies, and some of us can and do - it just takes forever! We all go through 'the ringer'. I still feel amazingly lucky that my DS2 was conceived 1st time FET. Wow, how lucky for us (and cheap!). But, as someone pointed out to me - it's still a massive hurdle and a tough journey regardless.
A lot of us dream of natural conceptions - and when they happen for others we just get inspired and amazed.
Be gentle on yourself xx

[MummaSue]

DH and I were chatting about it this morning actually. How nice it would be for the natural pregnancy to happen again and for us not to have to make that conscious decision to go and see the FS again........ maybe it will.

I believe that the universe wasn't giving me anything I couldn't handle (regarding the ectopic). I was very shocked to discover I was pregnant but obviously after that shock had worn off I was over the moon. But when the scan showed ectopic, it was devastating, but kind of made sense....... It just wasn't meant to be at that time.

I do need to be kinder to myself. I'm harder on me than anyone else.

[juniper76]

That's so true! I never thought about it like that. Especially since the pregnancy was lost...... huh.

Yep, I feel the same way too. Don't quite fit anywhere...