I am a bit of a perfectionist with work. If i can't do it right/well/properly I tend to want to give up. Close enough ain't good enough and I exhaust myself trying.
I am a performing arts teacher in a Primary school. I am super lucky that my Prin has given me autonomy over my program - which is ace seeing as I have no formal music background.
I just find that I spend SO many hours on preparation, professional reading, $$ on texts for myself - only to have uninspired kids who just spend 45 mins looking bored. I wonder if it's worth the time and $$ away from my own kids.... I am also at the point where I wonder if I should go back to classroom teaching next year but then I would have reports and more cr@p to deal with than now.
I LOVE music ed, I think it is so important but maybe I should leave it to the experts!
I am babbling now, but as a point in case - we recently had our whole school production - Alice in Wonderland - 240 kids, I work 2 days a week but did 4 days a week for 6 weeks leading up to get in rehearsals etc. Worked out perfectly - lots of parents came up to me and said - "Perfectionist much? but it was wonderful".
Now I am back to teaching "normal" classes maybe I am feeling like it's boring and so are the kids? We have a few performances we are working towards but I dunno.
Not even sure what my question is - just feel like I needed to get it out and pick some brains!
It sounds like you and the kids have performance come down. It's very common after a production to feel depleted and bored...all that adrenaline is addictive.
Maybe you should have a mini performance for assembly or some small project to work on.
Performing arts is always peaks and troughs. I wouldn't change yourself, rather relax your standards and enjoy this natural change of pace...
My cousin is a performing arts teacher, but in high school....and she's a perfectionist too
Could it be that you don't fit the particular school you're at? Are there schools more musical orientated where the kids would be absorbed? Maybe a change of scenery instead of going back into the classroom.
I dont think you need ot change anything about yourself!
I understand what you mean though about unmotivated kids.. i taught drama to young kids for a few years, this was even an after school thing that the kids were chosing to do, and they would still be unmotivated!! It's hard, but i think you are the perfect person to help MOTIVATE them!! Its tough though when you do all the backround stuff and then find that ok today, thats not going to work with the kids. But dont feel deflated, its all good research, infomation and sources for you to have another day when it might work!!
Also i definately agree that there is a "come down" after a performance. Alot of work and energy goes into putting on a great show, so maybe you and your students need a bit of fun stuff to do to unwind!
Hun I wish you had been my Performing Arts teacher when I was at school!!! I loved loved loved it!! But our school wasn't supportive towards it, sport orientated!! I think you sound awesome and its really lovely to hear someone be so passionate about kids education oxoxox Sorry didn't give any advice - oops!!
Thanks ya'll! I guess what I want to change is the fact that when I feel like this, I feel like throwing in the towel and doing something else. Not quitting per se but changing direction! I have done it quite a few times over the years - maybe I need more persistence through the tough times or something.
The anti-climax post production is a good point - maybe we are all feeling it. We do have a performance coming up in a few weeks time but again some of the kids are just not that interested. (little so and so's ) Anyway I will pull my finger out and get on with it and things will be fine once spring hits and I don't have these damn winter seasonal blues!
That you spend more time, energy, money etc. than you feel that you should?
That the kids don't appreciate your efforts?
That the level of effort and energy you put in leaves you depleted in some way?
That you find the remainder of your work is relatively uninspiring to you?
That you spend more time, energy, money etc. than you feel that you should? It is partly that I spend so much time and then still feel like I fall short as a "good" teacher if that makes sense. I tend to plan and plan and plan and think things through and then sometimes my ideas don't even work anyway so that is annoying. That the kids don't appreciate your efforts? Not so much that they don't appreciate it but that my ideas don't inspire them or "work" a lot of the time. I don't really care that they don't appreciate my efforts (teaching is a bit like that anyway!) but more that the effort I put in doesn't seem to pay off with kids who respond in a positive way.
That the level of effort and energy you put in leaves you depleted in some way? Yep for sure. I am finding it tough because I have to teach myself stuff as well as the kids ITMS. Because I have no music background I kind of need to teach myself theory etc. before I teach them. It isn't something that is familiar to me and I don't mind that usually but I am feeling exhausted by it all and I only work 2 days a week!
That you find the remainder of your work is relatively uninspiring to you? It is inspiring but not - teaching is a funny beast these days. Lots of politics, meetings, general kaka that sometimes doesn't leave much time or mental space to just stop and TEACH. Or is it something else? Mm probably but can't think of what right now That all sums most of it up!
I guess my issues are more with doubting myself as a teacher and mostly, as a PA teacher as opposed to a teacher in general but then I have only been in this gig for 1 year part time, whereas as I was in a classroom for 4 years full time and then 2 years part time so it is much more familiar.
Bear with me... I'm in a rather ranty mood this evening. Oh, and I still can't figure out the multi-quote thingamy!
It is partly that I spend so much time and then still feel like I fall short as a "good" teacher if that makes sense. I tend to plan and plan and plan and think things through and then sometimes my ideas don't even work anyway so that is annoying.
I wonder what your vision of a "good teacher" is? It sounds like you are completely dedicated, passionate and committed but get stuck because you expect an outcome that is proportionate to the effort put in every time. Of course, that would seem fair, but is not a reality even for the most experienced and expert in the field. It might be worth trying to define for yourself the qualities that you aspire to as a teacher and try to pin these on values, that is, ongoing patterns of ethic and behaviour, rather than outcome.
Not so much that they don't appreciate it but that my ideas don't inspire them or "work" a lot of the time. I don't really care that they don't appreciate my efforts (teaching is a bit like that anyway!) but more that the effort I put in doesn't seem to pay off with kids who respond in a positive way.
This is a killer. I can't begin to imagine how frustrating it must be to put in passion and get back apathy, and having watched two teachers slog at it for years (my parents) it does seem to be the nature of the game. Perhaps what they're looking for in the experience is different from what you think they should be getting out of it? Maybe you could separate the goals so that you get what you want (teaching targets met, creative processes developed... whatever) and they get their needs met too. I do find at least with my adolescent clients, that the more control I give them in the process, the more inspired and active they tend to be - though not reliably! Perhaps rather than putting your energies into trying to create your perfect outcome, you put the onus onto them to figure out what they want to create and how to make it happen?
I am finding it tough because I have to teach myself stuff as well as the kids ITMS. Because I have no music background I kind of need to teach myself theory etc. before I teach them. It isn't something that is familiar to me and I don't mind that usually but I am feeling exhausted by it all and I only work 2 days a week!
Again, kudos to you for your commitment in going the extra mile to educate yourself on all this new stuff. It's sure to pay off over time and you won't have to put in as much groundwork for future projects as your knowledge-base builds. In the shorter term, I'm thinking all you can do is set yourself some boundaries. "This is the number of hours that is reasonable for me to commit to this process". It's not going to be perfect with a limit set on it, but it's hopefully going to achieve a greated balance between your drive to put in the energy and your need for down-time and family time.
It is inspiring but not - teaching is a funny beast these days. Lots of politics, meetings, general kaka that sometimes doesn't leave much time or mental space to just stop and TEACH.
Oh I've watched those politics. And heard-tell of the "general kaka" and it convinced me well and truly that you could never pay me enough to be a teacher!!! Again, I guess it's just gotta be about balance. Making sure that the things that you value and cherish about it outweigh the other garbage most of the time. If it's more "kaka" than joy... then to me, you're in the wrong place.
I guess my issues are more with doubting myself as a teacher and mostly, as a PA teacher as opposed to a teacher in general but then I have only been in this gig for 1 year part time, whereas as I was in a classroom for 4 years full time and then 2 years part time so it is much more familiar.
With the greatest and deepest of respect... this is where your head is full of aforementioned "kaka". (Sorry, I did enjoy your choice of words)!! Your head is going to spin you all sorts of garbage about how you don't measure up... you're not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, creative enough.... whatever. It's full of it. We all seem to have this wonderful knack for self-doubt and perfectionists have the worst of it. Reality check: 1. you're new to this and you're allowed to have the skills of a beginner. 2. you're already getting results - the production you put on sounded amazing, and others saw it too. 3. you're doing all that's required of you - working hard with the best of intention. You sound like an AWESOME teacher to me.
Ok. Rant over. Hope there was something helpful in all that dribble! xoxox
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Wondering how to change this part of myself.....
I wonder if it's worth the time and $$ away from my own kids.... I am also at the point where I wonder if I should go back to classroom teaching next year but then I would have reports and more cr@p to deal with than now.
) Anyway I will pull my finger out and get on with it and things will be fine once spring hits and I don't have these damn winter seasonal blues!
That all sums most of it up!
Will be back tomorrow.
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