Need some perspective and HELP

[grub17]

hi all,
I'm hoping someone can magically solve this problem for us...

ds is 20 months old and in the past week has decided to wake for 3-4 hours in the middle of the night!

some factors which may contribute:

* he was up sick til 1am the night before this behaviour started
* he's recnetly gone into a toddler bed... gets out a lot but we march him back and he gets the hint
* has suddenly decided he wants his door open and the toilet light on - hysterical if otherwise
* his baby sister arrived 8 weeks ago, daddy went back to work 5 weeks ago - he's good with his sister
* there are obvious attention issues during the day despite giving him as much attention as i can with a newborn
* when he wakes, it's with a poo
* he goes down resonably okay after a few marches back to bed and is sleeping to about midnight/2am... then it's on.
* has 2-3 hrs day sleeps... but can take me up to 2 hours to get him to sleep in between wind down, poos, coming out of his room etc... I have to sit by his bed til he goes to sleep

We have tried:
*walking him back to bed repeatedly
* putting him in with us
*ignoring him
*locking his door (that went down like a lead balloon)
* water cuddle change
* last night i gave him milk and laid on a mattress on the floor in his room. Hubby spent 2 hrs there with no luck. But when i went in, it took about 90 mins (with milk) and he nodded off... I had to just ignore him and he climbed all over me and cried and screamed for no discernable reason (even when i tried comforting him). Eventually he fell asleep and went through to just after 7am.
* I cut down his day sleep and it made matters worse
* He's an extremely huge handful in the mornings, I am not coping well. EVerything gets a squealing temper tantrum... which in turns wakes the newborn, which means my attention is divereted... it's a nasty cycle

In all he is only getting about 6hours over night. We are getting less.

I yelled at him and felt i was not a very nice mummy yesterday. I'm just at the end of the tether and we need some guidance. I'm not getting any rest during the day either because he goes down and DD wakes.

We are considering getting him is preoper 'big bed' (king single) with special doona etc... do you think that would help???

Any suggestions or advice sans guilt trip (i know i shouldn't have locked the door okay!) would be really appreciated.

thanks in advance.

[Aussiegirl777]

Good luck! I hope you get some answers. I just posted a very similar thread with regards to my 20 week old. Sounds like you and I will be a little grumpy today from lack of sleep. I'll be checking your thread to take any good advice that may also come your way. Hope you have a nice, quiet, relaxing day.

[TaRhLi.]

Oh hugs babe, I feel so bad that you are going through this at the moment.

I don't know if you remember but Tara went through something similar just before the boys were born ie: night waking, not wanting to go back to sleep, no day sleeps etc... For us it was her 2 year molars starting to act up, so maybe this is Ash's problem. I was going insane with a whinging, clingy child and was trying all things to get her to settle down and was recommended to use an Amber Bead teething necklace. Luckily I already had one which I hadn't used before as she had been o.k up to now with her teeth, since she has been wearing it (24/7) she has settled down and is back to the happy little girl again.

Maybe something to try. I just wish I could come give you a bit of a reprieve so you can get some sleep, it is so hard not having family close by.

Hope things start to turn around for you soon.

[nothing2lose]

Have you tried quitting the day sleep? Or even just making it shorter?

My DD stopped her day sleep at about 18 months.

Perhaps he's not tired at night because he is getting too much sleep during the day????

Just a suggestion

Good luck!!

[black_rose]

Dd2 was like this when her molars came through, and then it became a habit. Here's what we did

Gave her a torch, (it's a rechargeable led one) and setup a special box that has toys and books she can play with if she isn't tired. She also has a musical soother thing she can play lullabies on.

We insist on the door being closed so we don't have to tiptoe around the house. Before bed she gets milk we read a story and tell her she has to stay in bed until there is sunlight.

Hope you can work out a routine that works for you.

[onthefly]

it's quite common to have sleep problems at this age.
changign things up a bit might help - like getting a different bed DS was always bad and just got worse at that point. but then afterwards he became a really good sleeper. It will pass

[~Kaz~]

Massive hugs hun. DS went through a horrible phase that sounds a lot like this from about 12 months onwards he would wake overnight, sometimes up to three times and would stay awake for at least an hour a time (but up to 2 and a half at a time). It was horrible and I didn't have a newborn to look after as well. We ended up at sleep school which wasn't overly helpful IMO and DS also still really needed the day sleep and is still having a day sleep most days now at nearly 2.5yrs old so I get you on that level.

We got to the point where I thought that whatever we tried couldn't possibly make it any worse and I'm guessing that's how you feel right now too. I think moving into a big bed is a good idea. Black_Rose posted some good ideas too. We found consistency helped and that's the main thing we got from sleep school, not to keep trying half a dozen strategies randomly to see which one would work tonight, y'know? We got down to two strategies. They didn't always work but at least we had a stable plan and I think eventually it did help. Find a strategy you're more comfortable with, that you can live with etc and stick to it for a while - a few weeks at least. Maybe put a comfy chair in his room - would he stay in bed if you're with him? The only other thing I can think of WRT sleep strategies is the book The No Cry Sleep Solution - have you read it? It's been a while since I have but from memory there are quite a few strategies in there.

Given he is beign woken by poo (and this sounds like a new pattern?) has his diet changed at all recently? Could he be reacting to something and it's giving him a pain etc and waking him? Dunno, just a thought that digestion could be playing a role here.

Look after yourself hun. Is there a friend or family member that could come over to help/distract DS in the mornings occasionally?

ETA - don't beat yourself up on locking his door mate. It's done and it's not like you're doing it long term. And FWIW, I have closed DS door a couple of times briefly and walked away - my doors are old fashioned and he couldn't open them himself so basically the same thing as locking it. Sometimes you just get to the end of your reserves and you need to walk away and breathe

[grub17]

thanks girls. that's really helpful. yeah Kaz, closing his door has saved him from a mean mummy several times. I only leave him a few mins if he's carrying on, but i really need those mins for some deep breathes.

no haven't changed his diet and have tried cutting back on day sleeps, that didn't help at all.
i suspect its a combo of overtired after his sick night and never catching up on the lost sleep... and behavourial.

i think we might go the big bed and maybe a sleep lullaby thing with a light... and try marching him back... only thing is 4 hours of that and we'll be bigger zombies than atm!

he's mostly been a pretty good sleeper for us since about 7 months and lately would wake occasionally but after a hug and drink of water would be happy to go back to sleep.

hope this passes soon!!

anyhoo any other advice would be greatly appreciated and then we'll work out ao plan of attack.

[Janie71]

it's quite common to have sleep problems at this age.
changign things up a bit might help - like getting a different bed DS was always bad and just got worse at that point. but then afterwards he became a really good sleeper. It will pass

Jazzy was the same - always a bad sleeper - then became terrible at this age and is now the best she has ever been. I know like some of the PP have mentioned, we had these problems arise when you 2 year old molars started coming in.

Don't know if that helps at all! Also I know limit Jazzy's day sleep as some days she was having ridiculously long day sleeps due to being so tired from the night before. So I am sometimes meany mummy and waking her up. I found this helped lots.

Good luck!
Janie xxx

[Olive]

For us, that sort of waking for DD is due to an ear infection, I'd get him checked out for that or fluid behind the drum, it can't hurt to see your GP

[Kaybee]

Hi Gurb,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't have much advice (well any really), but still wanted to reply.

If it were me I would keep up the day sleep - you NEED him to have that for as long as possible. Even if you can't sleep, it's a bit of time with just DD.

I reckon I wouldn't go to the big bed until it's sorted - whether it passes by itself or whether one of the zillion things you're trying works. Otherwise, the change might just be yet another possible reason for a bad night sleep. Is he old enough to reason with and use it as a kind of bribe - 'when you can sleep in your bed all night we will get you a big boy bed with a truck/digger/thomas doona'?

Did you already say you've tried a night light???

Maybe go back to sleeping on a mattress on the floor in his room for a few nights, then gradually wean off it by sleeping in there for a little while before returning to your bed, etc.

Sorry - no good ideas really. I truly hope it's teeth or something temporary that will pass!

Good luck xo

[1pj]

i dont have any suggestions im afrain but i just wanted to let you know im going threw the same and im sooo tired,so glad i found this post,heres to hoping it gets better!

[forshelby]

I read an interesting article saying that day sleeps impact night sleeps in a big way. Apparently having less day-time sleep doesn't make for a better night-sleep. My DS (only 5 months) was having zero daytime sleeps, until I started to force it. I have to sit with him and hold him while he naps, or he wakes straight up. (probably not practical for you with a NB) It sucks, but it's the lesser of two evils. If i can get him to have at least 2 naps during the day, he's better at nighttime and less likely to become overtired.

If there's any way you could coax him into a daytime nap.......... go for it.

I'm not sure exactly how many hours of daytime and nighttime sleep a 20 month old requires, can someone help me with that one?