Toddler tantrums?

[starangelk]

My DD is just about to turn 18 months old and the last couple of weeks have been pretty tough. In general she's a happy child, pretty easy going and relaxed. She is strong willed and is at that stage where she's easily frustrated because she can't use her words and there's a communication breakdown but we've been dealing with this by ignoring her cries (stamping feet, falling on the floor etc) and talking while trying to work out what she wants. Eg "Do you want an apple? Yes?" and she'll stop her tantrum and say "yes" and then be happy again. So we're okay with that, it's frustrating for her. However yesterday DH took her to the shops and she only wanted to walk - wouldn't go in the trolley or be picked up, when he did both she screamed and struggled until he let her walk. He freaked out that we've been "giving in" to her and now she thinks she can have a tantrum and get her own way whenever she wants. I read the other threads and DH is checking the library today for some of the books recommended for some tips. We've noticed though that every time she gets teeth, her behaviour becomes much worse for a few days which is understandable too. Is anyone else just starting to experience tantrums as well? I feel a bit alone because all my friends/families kids seem to be fine but I'm wondering whether they just aren't talking about it?

[Rowellen]

I feel a bit alone because all my friends/families kids seem to be fine but I'm wondering whether they just aren't talking about it?

I think they just don't talk about it. Everyone else's kids are angels or so they would have you believe

I hear you though. I find the thing is to be consistent. Our biggest problem with DS is food ATM. He usually ends up going to bed without any dinner because he just won't eat it. He wants biscuits. He is not having biscuits for dinner. Or lunch.

Teeth were a big thing for him too. He was a completely different boy once those molars finally came through. After months & months of dealing with his evil twin.

I know you need one

ETA: We tried rewards, time out, removing toys, bribery (ie do this & we can go to the park) etc etc but none of that worked. Ignoring it works but it can take a while & ruin your entire day. So many times we've tried to do fun things for DS & it ends up ruined because of his tantrums.

[OceanPrincess]

Oh my gosh yes we have them!

Wish you could have seen us last night between 7pm and about 7.15pm - I'm so sick of being kicked in the tummy by thrashing boy when I change his nappy, so last night I said to him "Nappy time" and the tantrum started. I said "Do you want some booby?" he would nod and come over to me and I'd say "OK, you need your night nappy first then booby. Lie still for nappy change and then you can have booby" and tantrum!

Argh! I hear you. You are not alone.

[starangelk]

Thanks ladies, it's nice to know it's not just my DD who has started acting like this. Consistency sounds like a good approach, I really want to read the books, make a plan and get DH and I on the same page asap.

[sunshine 11]

My little girl is (hopefully) getting to the end at 2 1/2 years old, but with a 9 month old, it's not far before the litle guy starts his fight with toddlerhood - EVERYONE deal with them. You are NOT alone! We use lots of different techniques/methods, whatever you want to call them. Sometimes they have worked, and other times they don't. But the good news is that 'this too shall pass'. If you are giving them what you want to the detrement of what you need/want to do, then it's worth trying a different approach. I found ignoring the behaviour the best way initially, and praising the good behaviour made a difference. It's often trial and error, but soft parenting (gentle, creating compromises) for us needs to be also complemented with hard parenting (being tough and firm) - the tough part is working out which one to use at what time.

[Miss E]

Oh I hear you! TBH I found the time between 18 months and 2 years the hardest, I think mainly because I was learning how to cope with tantrums IYKWIM? I still get them (DS is 2.5), and probably more of them, but now that I know how to best manage DS when he is having one, they aren't as overhwhelming and don't last nearly as long.

I highly recommend Toddler Tactics by Pinky McKay to get you through this. She does a brilliant job of explaining how they're minds are developing and why certain behaviours result. It gives you the understanding and the tools to best help your LO through these moments.

With my DS, I've found that 9/10 ignoring him doesn't get the best result. Picking him up and giving him a cuddle while we resolve what it is he wants, or discuss why he can't have/do what it is he wants gets it over and done with quickly. But there is still the odd occassion where he just wants to throw a tantrum (hey, I can understand, I have days like that too LOL). When this is the case the best thing I can do is leave him to it. I come back every couple of minutes and ask if he needs a cuddle, until we finally reach the end of it.

I read a great article once which has stuck with me - it's key theme being tantrums aren't acts of defiance, they're acts of distress. For me it helps to remember this when I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed. Anyway, here is the link Seeing Tantrums as Distress, Not Defiance - NYTimes.com

GL, we all go through it. What works for one child won't necessarily work for another, they're all different. But it does get easier and you will find the best way to work through it with your LO.

[UntoldAngel]

I hear ya hun

[starangelk]

Managed to order a heap of the books from the library but the one called "What every parent needs to know" wasn't available. I checked Ebay and someone is selling it for $132 buy it now!! There's another one there much cheaper but I'm going to read the library books first and then see if I still want the other ones. It's a pain as WEPNTK seems a bit scientific and more my type of book. At this stage though - any information is good information!!

[Rowellen]

Did you get the Science of Parenting? It was very scientific too. I found it very interesting.

[CeCe]

DS is 16 months and is starting in some of this behaviour. He gets very frustrated very quickly, screams and usually bites his hand or something close by - so far objects not people thankfully. He's not got any words yet and doesn't respond to our questions indicating yes or no so it's a bit of guess work to be done as to what's bothering him. Given he's only 16 months I am a little concerned about what's ahead. He was such an easy, happy person until about a month ago when this all started. It's as if he's making up for lost time.

[starangelk]

I'll put the science of parenting on the wishlist-thank you

Cece - isn't it a shock when it starts happening? Dh was joking about his devil child, it was that much of a change.

Dd has a 39 degree temp tonight the poor little thing. I wonder if she's been a bit off and that's contributed?

[CeCe]

I said to DS tonight, the devil has you and what happened to my little boy? I never thought I'd say that about my son, but the time has come.

Hope your DD's temp falls soon and she's feeling better.

[onthefly]

It's hard at that age, as they generally can't reason well and haven't a clue what's wrong themselves.
some suggestions - learn some signing to help her communicate; give her something to eat (hunger is always a big trigger for my DS).
I hope she's feeling better soon.

They're all a bit different too. My DS had emotional meltdowns from around 10 months - usually triggered by tiredness, discomfort or, most commonly, hunger. It wasn't till he was 3 that he actually started having proper tanties.