Why does he cry when put in a bassinette or pram?

[incomplete]

Bubs is 5 weeks old today.

First couple of weeks was good - feed, sleep, feed, sleep. As he's got older and more alert we've been having settling issues.

The books/websites tell you to watch for their tired signs and put them to bed awake/drowsy. Well that's not working for us. If I put him down before I notice tired signs (to try to avoid over-tiredness), he'll amuse himself in the bassinette, but then eventually start crying. Not a grizzle, a full on cry. If we see the tired signs and try to settle same way, doesn't work. Even with his tired signs and trying to settle in arms, by rocking etc, it turns into him screaming, back arching, almost like a tantrum. He seems to go from okay to over tired very quickly.

Sometimes I can also have him in a deep sleep, put him in the bassinette and have him wake up and then cry and we have to settle again. For now, touch wood, we have no problem at night. I feed, with the hall light on for light, then put him straight down and he's good. It's just the day that seems to be the problem.

He's the same in the pram - we've tried to take him for a walk to settle him, he'll be fine for a little while, but soon will start crying. I'm too scared to go for a walk with him in case he starts screaming. I'm also at the point where I fear going for a walk with him asleep in case he wakes up and then starts crying. Make me wonder how I'm going to get out in public with him, I don't want to have a screaming baby and have people looking at me and judging me.

I'm now also starting to feel on edge at home when he's asleep in case he wakes up and we have to go through the settling again. He can sleep in our arms/on our chest for a few hours barely moving, but in the bassinette he seems to wake earlier and seems to even fuss about in his sleep more.

I've been in tears every day for the last 3 days, feeling useless and that I'm not good at mothering and feeling quite down about it (being tired and not being able to nap during the day doesn't help either), and the last week I have been looking for solutions on the internet, and reading so much (contradictory) advice and getting myself in more of a tizz. I would prefer to not have to rock him/cradle him to sleep every time during the day or have to hold him for 2 - 3 hours until the next feed, I want him to learn to self settle, but is 5 weeks too young for this? Do they eventually learn? but if so, how? What am I doing wrong? I'm not into letting him cry either, that's not an option to me (I've had people tell me holding him will create problems, let him cry a little. and others say hold him as much as you want).

I knew the first few weeks/months would be particularly hard, but I didn't realise babies don't always settle/sleep easily and we'd have issues like this, and that it would get me so down. I have made an appt with CAFHS to discuss this, to see what they say.

[onthefly]

Your baby is totally, and absolutely normal
IT's hard when your baby doesn't do what the books or others tell you. The truth is, they never read the books. And, unfortunately, they're not based on 'reality' anyway. The biological reality is that we are hardwired from birth to seek out the comfort and security of mum (or another loving adult with whom we form a close bond). Young children (yes, even beyond the baby year) need help to go to sleep and stay asleep.
So when you have a normal baby who does not want to be alone, we are left feeling like we've done sometimes terribly wrong. Sometimes a change in perspective makes all the difference. Do you have a carrier or sling for your baby? If not, I recommend you get one to keep your baby close to your during the day. They are an absolute life saver.

I promise you, that even if you feed or rock your baby to sleep each and every time, eventually, when he's developmentally ready, he will be able to put himself to sleep and sleep alone.

[helle]

Google the wonder weeks (or if you have an iPhone download the app). Babies go through a massive developmental stage at around five weeks and they go a bit loopy ^^;

As for self settling I have a book here that says you shouldn't even both until they're 18months as they just don't get what you're trying to make them do. But in saying that people teach them way younger. I think it's personal pref.

[~Trish~]

Huge hugs , as the others have said, your baby is normal! My DS1 was very much like that, only sleeping in my arms and he HATED the pram, he'd scream every time without fail. It will get better, and by itself, I promise . In the meantime, buy yourself a good baby carrier (ask the BB girls, they always have great suggestions on which one to try ) and try him out in that. If he's anything like my babies were, he'll love it. That way you can still get out and about without the stress.

You aren't doing a thing wrong, I assure you. And don't put any pressure on yourself to get him to self settle, he's still so tiny and you'll do your head in stressing about it. If you can, try and go with the flow, it will improve and you'll look back and wonder why you stressed so much (I know I did anyway lol).

More hugs .

[emc2]

I am wondering if he might have reflux, but that is just because
my baby has it.

[Cranky Kitten]

Oh hun, MadB is right - it's completely normal! My boy is about the same age (5 weeks tomorrow!) and tends to want to be a stickybeak and fight sleep. I find the "feed-play-sleep" routine all the books say to use is no good for us, he tends to prefer a little top-up feed and to be cuddled to sleep before I can put him down. I think it just helps him relax and wind down a bit more so it's easier for him to drop off.

When it comes to getting out and about, I'd suggest look into a carrier or sling - Penguin loves his (I have an Ergo) and will quite happily snooze his way through an entire shopping trip, or occasionally wake up and "talk" to me as we go about our day.

[delphmoon]

I am wondering if he might have reflux, but that is just because
my baby has it.

I was going to say the same things. Whenever DD was lying down flat she would wake/cry/scream/whatever...LOL

At the same time your LO is completely normal and it takes awhile to settle sometimes. Your not doing anything wrong. Its normal to feel anxious about it all but if you are finding your mood is always low and hard to break out of come and have a chat to us here about that

I'm sure most of us have had similar experiences to you and understand the frustration and anxiety associated with a new bubs

XXOO

[candiceshout]

I think that's normal for babies they are in that stage of development and as parents, we should guide them all throughout.

[Razzberry]

I am wondering about reflux aswell as its when they are put down flat that it gives them pain and also the reason why it seems to be getting worse may be because the damage has been getting worse from the reflux?

[incomplete]

thanks everyone

yes he does have reflux. About a week and a half ago we went to the docs about the colic and reflux and pretty much got told that there's no evidence that medication works and give it time. Felt like it was a bit of a pointless exercise. Next week we're going again for his 6 week check up and I'm seeing the GP that I prefer, who is a parent herself, and I'm going to discuss it again. We've raised his mattress a bit in the bassinette but I think it needs more, so might go to Clark's Rubber on the weekend and see if we can get a wedge cut to put under the mattress. He definitely sleeps better when he is in my arms in an upright position.

As for the carrier, I've been umming and aahing because of the vomiting, but I'm going to go have a look at some on the weekend. If wearing him during the day means he'll sleep better and be more comfortable, I'll deal with being vomited on. It happens anyway, if I'm just holding him.

This is the kind of stuff they need to teach you/prepare you for in the parenting classes. I think my personality is part of the problem too with how I've been feeling - I like to be organised, plan things and have routine. I remembered something today our paediatrician said before I checked out - don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself, babies are unpredictable.

[onthefly]

Learning to let go and swim with the current is just part of the learning experience. And sometimes we have to actually live it to really understand it, you know?
Get a carrier. Get a good carrier, please Some of them really suck. They can be washed easily enough - and there's no harm in having 2 just in case you're caught short. Where are you? There are babywearing groups around the place that have meetups where you can go along and try a bunch of different carriers and see what you like.

[Razzberry]

My DD has severe reflux ( still has it at 2 years old and is still on medication). I don't know why you were told there is no evidence medication works for reflux - If my dd wasn't on meds she would not eat, lose weight (again), have more muscle problems (as was constantly tense and didn't learn to isolate her muscles). Also the damage to her throat could cause permanent scarring and issues. Medication does help for many babies - I hate that my DD has been on meds her whole life but the alternative is also not something that is possible for many reflux bubs. I found Zantac did hardly anything, but Losec did help alot - nothing has every helped completely (but thats because my DD's is quite bad) but it helps with the pain and thats the main thing. She is now on Nexium.

I wish you all the best. The first Paed that I went to, wasn't very helpful, but the next one I saw for a second opinion was extremely helpful and knew lots of info about treatments.

[Phteven]

Have you tried a baby hammock for sleeping? Lots of Mums with reflux babies find it is a life saver. We used one for both our babies and it is pretty much the only piece of baby paraphernalia I haven't got rid of yet.

If you PMed ~Trish~ she might be able to give you some advice about hammocks. She sells them so she's our resident hammock expert.

[Jennifer13]

I def agree with the carrier suggestion - my DD was so harpy carried upright on me, compared to a pram.

I've got an Amby and a Happy Hangup as well for this bub so I don't have any feedback just yet, but I can't wait to give them a go! I got them on strong recommendations.

[wrena]

So, so normal. I literally didn't even put DD down until she was 6 weeks old. It must be such a shock going from in utero to the big, bad world and they just want to be close to you. I think the best parenting advice I got was to treat the first 3 months as the fourth trimester and really try to keep them close and fed on demand. All the effort you put in now pays off in the long term. I'd really recommend getting a good carrier - it's the single piece of baby equipment I wouldn't be without. Be warned that you may get addicted to the freedom they give you! I've only just bought a pram for my 1 year old and find it such a pain after the Ergo

[Me+him+bub]

my son is three weeks old and they sound identical! great night sleeper terrible and awake most of the day! get a swing!. keeps them upright enough and battery operated. works well with my little one. look on ebay or gumtree. I got my fisher price rainforest one on ebay for $30! nearly $300 brand new. hang in there. it does get better eventually.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I reckon my DS gave himself a reflux in the first few weeks, before I got a loan of a carrier, because he couldn't be in my arms, because I kept putting him in the bassinette. He was still chucky and refluxy for months after, but I never took him to a doc for it because I was wearing him upright and he was infinitely happier there.
If you were new to somewhere, you may well prefer to be in the arms of someone you trust and know, too The books will tell you that's no good, but books don't give cuddles and they are often not representing what the baby needs, just what mothers want to hear i.e. that a baby will be put down to sleep for hours so that you can go back to life as it was before baby was born, which is ludicrous and unrealistic - after all, didn't we want to have this baby? Didn't we want our lives to change? Anyhow, that's how I feel about the damn books most MCHN's will put you onto
Think about this: what does your baby want? You. You are the only thing he wants and if there's nothing (apart from the books) stopping you from picking him up and cuddling him till he drifts off, then who are you to tell him he doesn't know what he needs? He's telling you what he needs, and we get trained by nurses and so-called 'experts' out of giving it to them, for the irrational fear of babies relying on us - they're the most immature infants in the mammal world at birth, of COURSE they rely on us, and soon enough they don't. Believe me - I cuddled and carried both mine to sleep, breastfed when they wanted it (still do!) and hold them whenever I can and the two buggers are gorgeously adventurous and independent spirits! The kinder teacher today, on DS' last day, gave me a heartfelt speech on how secure he is in himself and how he'll rock his life. Hardly the dire prediction I got from 'concerned' nurses at my baby raising antics
Try Pinky McKay's website and blog for ideas on settling without upsetting your bub

[emc2]

Jim isn't losing weight so apparently we can't get prescription medication for that reason. He's growing ok, he is in the 90th percentile for height and HC, but 50th for weight so you can see his ribs a little.

Jim is FF, and we use Infant's Friend, and I also have found probiotic helps him, at times he will spew less with probiotic, and/or he is less constipated.

My main thing with it was that I realised he was more than a "happy chucker" and I really haven't had any good advice from the GP or Child Health about it. It really has been an exercise in Googling. A couple of overseas websites specialise in products for reflux babies (wedges etc) and they have had really easy to read articles and information on them.

I haven't been able to use a carrier, Jim doesn't like them, and I had a caesarean.

However I have used his stroller inside at times, and we never/rarely used the full layback in it because of his chucking.

I have heaps of old towels for the floor, some days we don't wear too many clothes, or if we do we have a lot of cheap clothes. Buy heaps of washers, tea towels etc they are useful.

I was even using cloth nappies for a few months, I don't know how I kept up with the washing in my small machine, I just got a new washing machine last week with a larger capacity.

My Mum was always harping about routine, and she was trying to get him on solids, and I've just been acknowledging the advice I get from everyone but I have been doing my own thing and that is what has worked, somehow I just knew what was right for my son with his chucking, having a quieter environment, extra baths etc it has all worked well for us.

We do have a bedtime routine though which is good.

I am delaying him with solids, we gave it a bit of a go, and it's not helping his chucking, so I am going back to more bottles and just trying porridge around lunchtime.