Wiping own bottom at nearly 4?

[kelebek]

Ok so because I am fairly attentive of DS, who will be 4 in march, and he almost always with me I have often been told that I do things for DS that he can do for himself. I wipe his bottom after he has pooed but was wondering at what age they can do this themselves? I am teaching him to fold the paper etc... But I don't think he can reach do be able to do it himself, is that normal for his age?
Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom

[loulabelle]

I still wipe for Ds. he will try,but doesn't do a very good job. I have no idea what age you stop taping it.

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[Olive]

DD1 was wiping own bottom at 3 because she had to for kinder. Each child is different!!

[Traveller]

My twins do it themselves and have been for a few months (they turned 4 a week ago) but they don't do a brilliant job yet. Getting there though.

[Astrid]

DD1 who is 6, still often asks me to wipe her. Real battle there, but she is getting better. Even at 6, she struggles with arm length.

DD2 was a self wiper pretty much from when she toilet trained (before 2). Even now there are times where I would prefer to wipe her bum, but she just wont let me).

[misty]

depends on the kid. DD1 was wiping her own bottom from 2yrs - because she could. DS1 still cann't wipe his own bum (seriously cann't seem to do it) and he is 4yrs old now.

[kelebek]

Thanks loula and Olive you have taken me to my next query about wiping bottoms and long day child care.
He had just gone from a 2-3 yr old room to the 3-6 yr olds. He had to be TT as in had to be in undies with no accidents. Through the day he is fine. In the younger room his carer would help him to wipe his bottom but the carers in the older room keep telling him he needs to do it. Now the problem is that he has come home with poo on his bottom and it is redder then normal from having poo on there. He has also said that he pokes holes in the toilet paper and that means if he has poo on his fingers and doesn't wash his hands properly (cause they also don't really help with that) that he could be spreading poo around

what do you think ladies? Should I be speaking to the director?

[kelebek]

Thanks for replying ladies, it must have been as I was too

So for those who had to help with wiping their bottoms and were at childcare what did the carers do?

[Jahzara]

I wish I knew !

My first two boys could wipe their bottoms comfortably before they started Kinder (real school) but DS#3 is 4.5 yrs old and cant seem to do it. He starts Kinder in 3 weeks and I am stressed...

I need to start getting him to do it himself but when he has tried he makes a mess and its not something that the teacher will want to deal with...

[Floweryfields]

Thanks for replying ladies, it must have been as I was too

So for those who had to help with wiping their bottoms and were at childcare what did the carers do?

I can answer this one. We encourage trying to wipe for themselves from about 3, but will always check how successful they've been and help if needed. The oldest children going to school the following year are really strongly encouraged as they do have to do it themselves next year - preschool teachers don't wipe bottoms as far as I am aware.

I love the bend over spread cheeks 'is it clean?' thing that some of them do!

I would talk to the room staff about it before the director - mention that he is coming home with a sore bottom because he can't wipe properly yet and would they mind checking it for him.

[grub17]

omg that is horrible they don't help him! poor little munchkin. Kids aren't manuals, they don't necessarily stick to what adults expect they should! i definitely would be talking the the director that he needs a bit more help. I don't have lots of childcare experience but it's just plain wrong to let him walk aroudn with poo on his hands or a poo in his pants! there are some things that are not acceptable in my book, they are offering care to your little man so that means more than just supervising them.
he's at the young end of that new room, so i would imagine that he is not the only little one still learning the ways of the loo! It's a bit rough to expect him to magically 'get it' just because he got moved to a new room!
Sorry if that's a little cranky pants... one of dem mornings! lol. Good luck! My 2 yr old has just started tt! what a revelation it has been!

[AndiE]

what do you think ladies? Should I be speaking to the director?

Yeah, I would. At our boys age, they might not have accidents in their undies any more, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't need a little bit of assistance till they totally get the hang of it I wipe DS1's backside, though he will have a go. Trouble is, he'll pull reams of toilet paper off the roll if DH or I aren't close by. And while he can wipe his bottom, he doesn't do a great job of it.

So getting back to your question, I think it's not an unreasonable expectation, when he's still learning to wipe his bottom properly, that his carers can't take the 30 seconds or so to give him a quick check, or wipe. Particularly if it means he might be uncomfortable and/or sore around his bottom for the duration of his day at care.

[LuluHB]

My almost 4 and almost 5 year olds do it for themselves but both sometimes still need help for icky poos. DD1 will call out for help and then say "You hold my bum open Mummy and I'll wipe"!! Lovely!

DD1 was at kindy last year and DD2 starts in a week, and I know the lucky kindy teacher and assistant check the kids' bottoms. Given that, I'd definitely be complaining that a childcare centre doesn't help the kids too. Other than it not being fair on the kids, its probably self preservation on their part so they don't have pooey trails through the centre.

[Astrid]

With DD1 when she was still at childcare she would just yell until her carer came to help her, think she was just 4yo then. Her carer just used to laugh about her yelling "Ruth!! Come wipe my bottom!"

It was really when 4yo Kinder started (DD1 turned 5 that year), that the teachers were very adamant about not helping her. I think she used to ask, but they just told her no. She seemed to cope ok. Her main problem is if she is "sloppy", all it takes is a bit of a poo on the hand incident and she goes back to wanting us to help all the time.

With DD2, whilst initially it is great that she wipes herself, it makes it hard to know what is going on. The poor little thing is prone to constipation and wont tell us Also as she wipes herself, childcare can't tell us either if they think she is constipated, so it is normally quite bad before we work it out.

[Yael]

We also have problems about DS doing a good job. He will do it by himself at school, but sometimes ask for help here mainly because we do ther check and I think he lost confidence. The only reason I have to check is because if he leaves a bit of poo there it seems to irritate him and then I need to use nappy rash cream. I found if he squatted and then wiped it seems to hep with the arms length thing. Also giving them nappy wipes to wipe with helps as it isn't so much friction also helped.

[misty]

Thank god it's not just my DS1. I was starting to panic, he is starting preschool next week, and we have been trying to practice; but although he ends up with poo all over the seat, his hands and everywhere else when he tries to wipe his bum, he seems to miss the toilet paper altogether! I am thinking I am going to have to warn his teachers, but am afraid I might get the speil about him not being properly toilet trained. I just have no idea how else to teach him.

[Cally]

DD is just over 4 and can do it herself, but seems to prefer DH doing it (even if I am in there with her, she will call out for him). She is encouraged to do it herself at childcare, but they will check that she has done it properly - but that is only within the last 6 months, prior to that they would do it for her. At home we have the wet wipes and she bends and spreads to show us how clean it is on the few occasions she does it herself. Which is fine in the bathroom, not so good when she and her cousin are doing it through the doorway when we have people over......

[YoYo]

So glad I found this.

My DS is 4 and will just not even try. Just says he cant do it. I'm aware if I keep doing it for him, then he has no reason to try.... He's so stubborn!

Yesterday at Kindy when i picked him up, I noticed he was walking funny. He'd done a little nugget in his pants and no one noticed, and out of embarrassment he didn't tell anyone. I took him to the toilet. Asked him if he wanted to finish, but he wanted to do it at home. He doesn't like pooing at Kindy. Got him home and bam!

I know DS struggles wiping as he has a really perky bum and just can't get in there properly. I also know he doesn't go at Kindy because he knows he has to do it himself there, and would rather not do it. It's a catch 22! An annoying one!


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