For the past almost month, DD seems to have decided that I'm the only person that can, hmmm, let's see...... help her with dinner if needed, fill her water cup, sit next to her on the couch, give her a bath, comb her hair, put her to bed (and even that is taking hours now) or go to her during the night to resettle and so on and so on. If poor DH attempts any of these and more, she just screams for me. We used to have such a great dinner/bath/bed routine. DH was usually always the one to do the bath, get ready for bed, they'd sit on the couch reading books etc. She'd happily kiss me goodnight and go off to bed for him. During the night he could easily resettle her. This evening time together was also important as he doesn't get the time during the day with her like I do with him off at work all week.
Now she won't have a bar of him. Don't get me wrong, she still talks about Daddy all day, hugs him kisses him and loves playing with him, but any kind of task or routine and it has to be me. I am ashamed to admit it but it's really starting to wear thin on me. And poor DH is feeling crappy he can't seem to help and doesn't know why it's happening. Neither do I. Nothing has happened to spark it, not him telling her off or accidently pulling her hair when brushing it or anything (we have wracked our brains to think of what might have started it) My happy go lucky little girl has dissappeared and I'm starting to feel really drained and down (I'm a shocker with lack of sleep and DH copes well, hence why he would mostly get up through the night if needed) which I'm sure isn't helping the situation.
Did anyone else's little one go through this? She is just on 22 months so part of me just wonders if it's the start of the 'terrible 2's' and I just need to suck it up. I don't know, geez it's gonna be a long haul if that's the case as I'm near my wits end now. Sad I know, what kind of a Mum am I if I've had enough and she's not even 2 yet. I keep praying it's just a phase and will pass soon because I'm really starting to lose patience, and I hate that. I hate admitting it, but I'm feeling really lost and just needed to get it off my chest.
Have you tried leaving the house while this routine is happening and coming back just before bed to say goodnight? Maybe she will notice then that she has no choice?
I personally think its abit of an attention thing, but thats just me.
Mine have both been through stages of choosing one of us over the other. DD2 has always been very much "mine", but every now and then we get short periods when she wants Daddy to do whatever. DD1 has always been a bit of a daddy's girl, but probably around the age of 2 she did a backflip and only wanted me to do everything for/with her. WIth the two of them it got so hard that we started the phrase "got to share the Mummy".
It will pass, and you're not a bad mum for wanting her to go to her dad sometimes too (or if you are, then I'm a REALLY bad mum!). Its tiring being a one stop shop for all your child's needs, and frustrating when there's a perfectly willing and loving pair of hands to help that are rejected.
Ooh yeah, my 21 month old has specific people she wants to do things, although she reserves right to change her mind at any time. ATM, she only wants daddy to do her shoes ("no, no, no, ... daddy" - if i try).
i think it is the age, and testing her power and boundaries.
Mine have just turned two and they are very definite about how things happen here. Only I can push the pram or babywear, they dress themselves with my help, daddy may do nappy changes and get them drinks but that's about all he's allowed. I have to supervise story time, showers, just about everything or they scream for me. It's getting old fast.
We had a similar thing start here at about the same age... And I hate to say it, but it has kinda just become the way it is. It's not quite as extreme as it was to begin with, but when it comes to the bedtime routine and night wakeups it has to be me.
Mind you we're at a point where it is going to have to change. When bubs comes I will be in hospital for 5 nights. Our plan is to do a couple of test runs (I will go away for the night) and hope it prepares him for it.
I guess you just do what you've got to do and try to change it when you need to. In our case it's just seemed easier to go with the flow rather than challenge it... Well until now...
dd is 2.5 and going through this atm. everything is "no! mummy do" its very testing and exhausting when every tiny little thing has to be done by you. the last couple of nights I've taken myself out for a drive at bed time so she knows I'm not here and has no choice but to let DH put her to sleep. Dont know how it will go long term, but ill keep you posted.
Ds did go through a similar thing around 2, but it wasn't nearly as extreme. I think its just a faze, at least I hope it is. poor DH can't even unbuckle her seat belt without a flip out.
Well it is reassuring to hear it's not just her, and I'm going to keep hoping that is lessens at least a bit. Believe me I don't mind doing things with DD but lately it just feels so testing. I start a 6 week course on Monday nights next week, which I have progressively getting more and more worried about but I told DH that in the interest of research I might just have to go out before bed time sometime before then to see if it still goes on when I'm not here. No doubt she'll be an angel when I'm not around!
Will keep you posted. And thanks for your responses, they are really appreciated
DD is 18 mths and has been going through this the last 2-3 months, specifically bath time. Like you, we had a great routine, we would say "Is it time, DD?" and she would run to the hallway and dash to the bath. But now she cries pretty much every time and has to be carried to bath by DH. She generally settles after a few minutes and ends up having a lovely bath.
I felt terrible about it but we persisted every night and DH still does bathtime, and she is slowly going back to the way she was. I can imagine this is definitely wearing you down if it is every single task! Actually, now that I think about it, DD usually wants me to do most tasks too - give her bottle, change nappy etc. I think (I hope) it's a phase and soon we will have little Daddy's Girls
my DS has pretty much always wanted me to do the bulk of things for him. then i started working one day a week for a couple of months last year & he & DP had some lovely father/son time together. that was great for getting DS to get used to daddy doing lots of the day to day things. and he never got upset that i wasn't there either - it was only if we were both there that he wanted me.
hope it works itself out for you soon, it can get a little frustrating!
We have a similar thing happen (kind of) DH works FIFO.. the week that hes home, DD obviously still gives him kisses and plays and reads ect but anything like bath/dinner/getting bottles is always me.. but as soon as i go to work (which sometimes isnt until 4 days into when hes home) the roles reverse and its all about Daddy and Mummy isnt allowed to do anything, the first time this happened DH was very upset that he wasnt able to do anything, but once i went to work that first day and it changed around he felt better.. the next week when this happened again we were ready for it and so now its just something tht happens. i dont think it will last forever.
Maybe like someone has already suggested if you could leave (go and grab a bite to eat on your own.. hmm, heaven lol) and let DH do everything and maybe that will swing DD around?
im sure its just a phase and wont last forever.
Hugs, i know how draining it can be.. its one thing when your other half isnt there and all to help (being at work) but when they ARE there and cant help thats something different altogether, i feel you. believe me
All my kids have gone through that - except Daddy was the one they wanted, which makes life really hard when daddy has to work and I am the one stuck looking after them, whether they like it or not.
My only advice is for your DH to try not to take it personally, and that they will eventually grow out of it.
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It's all about me, apparently
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