Involving your child in the decision to change schools

**PinkPalace** · March 29th, 2012, 03:26 PM

well most of you may have read my last thread with the issues i have been having with DD's school.
it is 2 days since it all came to a head and i took it to the principle, DD has since only been playing with children in her grade.
She has still been having some bullying issues with the other kids (but i guess that would happen everywhere).

Tomorrow we have our interview to start DD in term 2 (kindy) at a private school (catholic).
I mentioned it to DD today and she told me she wants to stay in her current teachers class.

to what point do you do what feels like the right thing in your mind, even though DD is quite happy were she is?

**Olive** · March 29th, 2012, 06:40 PM

Bullying should just be happening though darl, anywhere at any school at any time! Especially not consistently in prep

**PinkPalace** · March 29th, 2012, 07:12 PM

Her teacher told DD was taken to the office today for ice as a boy kicked her in the shins.
I asked DD in front of the teacher - " did you kick him back" and she said no and i praised her and the teacher said about the boy "he does that though"

i think it is funny that she is accused for biting an 11 year old and it involved a number of counselling with the principle... even when she told him she didnt do it and this happens to her and it is "he does that though..."

mmmm

but DD says she doesnt want to leave .....ahhh so hard

**No.5** · March 29th, 2012, 07:22 PM

Makes it hard. Is it because that's all she knows? Can she maybe get to sit in the new class for an hour or so and see if she likes it...

Double standards are ridiculous. Just because 'he does that' doesn't mean they should be allowing him to! Especially when other children are in trouble for something they didn't even do!!

**kelebek** · March 29th, 2012, 09:05 PM

I think sometimes we have to make decisions our children aten't always going to like but in the long run is what is best for them. My concern is that if the current teacher and school aren't taking you seriously now then they probably never will.
In years to come your DD probably won't remember much about this school if you do decide to switch schools.

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**nickle730** · March 29th, 2012, 10:51 PM

IMO, your DD is too young to grasp the implications of the decision to change schools. For her, it will be about going somewhere different each day and getting to know a new group of kids. For you, the issues are far more complicated and the considerations are far more long term. I think that this is a decision for you and your DH to make and if you decide to move your DD then you tell her in the most positive way. If she is upset by your decision, I would simply tell her that 'mummy and daddy have made this decision because we think it is what's best for you', and then I would talk about all the positive aspects of her new school.

I know other's will disagree, but I think that not-quite-5 is not old enough to have much input into this decision making process.

**feeb** · March 29th, 2012, 11:31 PM

I think that it is disgusting the double standards and I would be changing her school. A 5 year old knows no difference she has only been at that school and wont be aware that things can be nicer and better somewhere else. I think that for her own good and self esteem you might just have to change her school even thought she is not keen.

Hugs xoox

**meow** · March 30th, 2012, 01:27 AM

I would make the decision without her input too. If you think the other school is better then I would move her and present it in a positive way, but in a way that suggests that there isn't even a choice.

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · March 30th, 2012, 06:55 AM

It's nice you've asked her input, but move her anyway.

FWIW, we moved DS from a lovely school to a slightly rougher one when we moved house. I really didn't like my 5yo saying "oh my god, that's so cool" or hitting. I mean, yes, he sometimes hits, it's rare but it has been known to happen, but not vindictivly. Until now (has now stopped). It took him a little while to get settled and, despite being bullied, didn't want to go. He had just made a friend.

So we had a week of him being upset and unsettled when we did move schools (a place was suddenly made available locally). He is now happy in his new school, settling in and enjoying it a lot more without 5yo bullies. The thing that made DS feel better about moving is that he made friends with a little boy also at the school, the year above him, and I told DS they could see each other at playtime. But I don't know what I'd have done without his friend already being there! Can you take your DD to the Catholic Church, if they have a Sunday School, so she can meet potential classmates and have a friend before she starts?

**PinkPalace** · March 30th, 2012, 07:19 AM

thanks everyone!
We have our interview in 2 hours, have gone through a million outfits (for all of us lol!)
I talked to her a bit last night about it - and i do agree her understand is very limited - she is happy to get a

teacher lol!!!

but i showed her pictures of the principle we would be meeting and told her he is very friendly and i showed her photos of the classrooms (which had the kids using ipads and touches ) and she really like computers so got excited.

hopefully i will be able to take her on a tour today after our interview.

i am hoping as well with a different set of children and rules within the catholic system that the bullying will be handled better x

**littlelara** · March 30th, 2012, 08:54 AM

Hope it all goes well today

**Purple Penguin** · March 30th, 2012, 09:00 AM

'he does that though' is NOT an excuse for bullying... EVER!

It's not good enough and quite frankly the sooner you can get her out of there the better, you don't want her at a school where bullying is rationalised like that, there are no excuses, it shouldn't happen.

The teacher and the Principal are NOT doing their jobs properly if these things are being overlooked, as I said in your other thread, you need to report them to the D.O.E, something needs to change there and it's obviously not going to happen from within the school.

It's her safety and health and wellbeing that is at stake, if it were me, I'd be moving her anyway.

**sangie** · March 30th, 2012, 10:15 AM

Wow I'm shocked at the 'he does that though' comment. Not good enough!

Best of luck with your interview. I think most schools do a 'buddy' system for new students which might be comforting to your DD and help her to make friends.

**PinkPalace** · March 30th, 2012, 10:31 AM

Hope it all goes well today

Well we are back!!!
and omg im in love with this school!!!
the principal started talking about how he noursishes holistic education and that he wants my daughter to grow as a person not just an academic.
i was actually trying to hold back tears as sad as that sounds.

We have been accepted and i was not sure whether to start her next term , but DD said she wants to go monday and doesnt want to go back to ****! so there you go!

it was beautiful and so collobrative make me want to go back to school myself!

**Muppity** · March 30th, 2012, 10:41 AM

If she can start next term is there anything to stop you having her at home till the end of this term (given that it us only a couple of weeks)

**PinkPalace** · March 30th, 2012, 10:44 AM

there is actually only 4 days left of this term .
so what i am going to do it take her in for 4 half days this week to the new school
and start her full time next term i think