What's the norm?

[~~Snoogans~~]

I tossed up putting this thread in the *relationships* section, but then thought this section might be the right area...so fingers crossed I ain't stuffed up! (again)

So, I am curious as to what the *norm* is in your co-sleeping household!

When we had Miss H, there was never any talk of co-sleeping. We were going to have her in the bassinet in our room, then into her own room around 6 months.

Well, a visit to my parents in Tasmania, where there was no bassinet or cot + to VERY tired parents = Miss H in my arms on the spare bed with her two passed out parents!

And, well...for the first time in 6 weeks we SLEPT! for more than 30 minutes at a time! (Miss H would wake up hourly!)

So, we continued this *co-sleeping* when we got back home. And you know what? we found it to be THE BEST THING EVER!

Finally we all got some sleep!

But here's the thing....

After sharing the bed with Miss H and Hubby for the 2 weeks at my parents, when we got home, I kicked hubby into the spare room!

The reasons were -

1) He had to go to work, so didn't he need the sleep more than me?

2) I would wake up with Miss H in one arm and my other hand would be pushed up against Hubby's back, making sure he hadn't rolled over onto her during the night!

3) I needed SPACE! not the lil bit of the bed I would end up with with all 3 of us in the bed!

and

4) he snores. Like, LOUDLY!

Anyways, so I co-slept with Miss H right up until about 9 months ago. When I was nearing 7 months pregnant with Miss Z. I again, needed more room on the bed to try and turn over with the big ass belly I had!

Hubby continued to sleep in the spare room.

Now, I am co sleeping with Miss Z.

Miss H sleeps in her own room (well, some nights....others she wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and crawls into the spare bed with daddy hehe)

Soooo, are we odd? That we haven't *Shared* a bed in, holy crap, over 4 YEARS :O :O

Obviously, we, er, DTD ... (see Miss Z lol )

So, again, are we the only ones that do this? or is it more common that I think...

[RoyaUK]

Very common - i thought we were unusual because we've done exactly the same (snoring and he needs sleep to function to a high level in the day) but the more i mention to people IRL our arrangement, almost everyone has done a similar thing at some point.

For us it's been going on almost 6 years and will soon cease (when my DD3 finally decides to sleep.....that's another post!!) but we're very happy with the set up and we all get a better quality of sleep because of it. DH also gets up at 6am and i'm normally resettling or have just resettled and it would make me angry if he was in bed and then the alarm went off whilst i was dealing with DD3 so we're all happy with it.

For us, it's a temporary (although has been 6 yrs) situation and we'll be back in the same bed when all the kids are sleeping. Having said that he's going to need to do something about his snoring!!!

[HotI]

We have always tried to maintain the bed as ours (Dh and mine). My DD co-slept/bed shared up til she was 18 months. She is now in her own room in a king single bed. She moved when i was 6 months pregnant and since then DS was born, so DH has done alot of the settling of her since then. DH will move to her bed if she won't settle, or if he is too tired to try to settle her.

We have a bit of advantage in that DH is a shift worker and does night shift 2 out of 8 nights. So on those nights i get to stretch out and now can have DD and DS in with me if necessary (one either side). And DH gets to stretch out when he gets home and sleeps during the day.

DS sleeps the first part of the night in a hammock and comes into our bed at the first feed. I am the one who spoons him and keeps him safe. I will leave him in bed with DH if DH has slept the night in bed, but not if he has just come off night shift because he sleeps more heavily then. DH is much more aware of position in bed now than when we first started bedsharing with DD.

[kelebek]

We got DS a king single when he was 6 mnths because the queen bed wasn't big enough and DS's dad had back issues so needed to stay in the 'main' bed. The king single meant it is big enough for me to share with DS.


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[meow]

We co-slept from day one with both babies and my H and I share the bed. Baby sleeps in the middle. There have been 2 or 3 nights that my H has slept on the spare bed but only when he's been sick so he would wake up the baby too much with his coughing.

[PumpkinZulu]

Like meow, bub has slept in the middle since birth. DH has helped equally throughout the night, sometimes more than equally. Yeah, he has to study and work, but I have a human life to be responsible for, I am breastfeeding so sometimes I'm feeling a bit drained from that, and now I'm pregnant too. We work as a team, I wouldn't personally feel comfortable with not having DH in our bed unless the situation was extreme. We've always made it work for us

[~~Snoogans~~]

Like meow, bub has slept in the middle since birth. DH has helped equally throughout the night, sometimes more than equally. Yeah, he has to study and work, but I have a human life to be responsible for, I am breastfeeding so sometimes I'm feeling a bit drained from that, and now I'm pregnant too. We work as a team, I wouldn't personally feel comfortable with not having DH in our bed unless the situation was extreme. We've always made it work for us

Oh, don't get me wrong....Hubby helps out a lot! and often encourages me to nap all weekend! Unfortunately I don't *do* naps hehe

We, I guess me, just found it a lot less stressful not having to worry bout him rolling onto bubs...(I am somewhat of a control freak!)

and then there's that snoring thing hehe

[meow]

Does your husband typically roll out of bed? Most people learn to judge where they shouldn't roll in their sleep (unless they are under the influence).

[~~Snoogans~~]

Does your husband typically roll out of bed? Most people learn to judge where they shouldn't roll in their sleep (unless they are under the influence).

He moves a LOT in bed, yet sleeps really soundly! There have been times when I would literally have to push him outta bed to wake him up! He does so like to sleep

[Jellyfish]

I'm not sure there is a 'norm' like with anything baby related!

When DD1 was born, her and I shared a bed and when I became a single parent, that continued. Her dad and I had never shared a bed.

DD1 moved into her own bed (a single bed) within the same room somewhere around 2 but still ended up in mine as she was still waking through the night. 6 months later we moved in with DP where she also had her own bed within our room, most nights she would end up in with us. We never thought to have DP sleep elsewhere, especially as DD1 and his relationship needed just as much nuturing as any other within the 3 of us. I think it was important for him to be involved in her care; day and night.

When DD2 came along we moved house and DD1 got her own room (almost 3). She had just started sleeping through the night a few months prior (around 2yrs 7months) and we didn't want DD2's night wakings to disturb her sleep too much, she also seemed ready for her own space. We also bought a bigger bed and DD2 sleeps in with us (usually begins in her cradle next to the bed so we can have some child-free cuddles then in with us from first waking) while DD1 still occasionally joins in too (a few times a month). When DD1 is also in the bed, DP sometimes has to sleep along the bottom of it as she likes to sprawl quite extensively lol but he has never left the room. Basically, we always just find room for all of us, my only condition is having DD1 and DD2 seperated by one of us as DD1 can quite enjoy overlaying so wouldn't want to risk that happening to DD2. DP usually ends up with DD1 along his head or something bizarre haha. I thought my original feelings with DD1 and DP was due to him being new in our life but feel similarly this time; I think it is important for him to be involved with DD2 and he has shared this sentiment both times.

I think with DD2, we will be more okay with moving her out of our bedroom sooner as she will be sharing with DD1 and that will be of comfort to both of them but we are still talking around 2, probably around when DD2 starts sleeping through regularly as it doesn't make much sense to me to do anything earlier.

I don't think I could sleep apart from my DP but can understand why others do, it just isn't for us. A big bed and a new carseat were our only purchases for DD2 which sort of demonstrates the importance to us.

ETA: DP doesn't snore and he also gets decent sleep as he can sleep through most of DD2's wakings as I simply offer my breast and we are both back asleep within minutes lol the being involved usually just means being 'there'.

[~clover~]

I always had ex in the bed, but I preferred it when in was just me & bub. I slept with them on the outside when they were very little & had them in my arm so I was slightly uncomfortable. Ex was a very deep sleeper who never noticed when he was pushing me out of bed, so I didn't feel comfortable with a NB next to him.

Once they started moving around they went in the middle though, DS fell off the bed a couple times (mattress on the floor thankfully)

[beansbeans!]

We co-sleep. We started when DD1 just wouldnt sleep in her cot. After tryingt o get her to sleep for ages, we just moved her to our bed so we could get some sleep. never regretted that decision. DD1 co-slept until last year, and she still comes in every now and then for cuddles.
DD2 still comes in most nights. And DD3 sleeps with us every night.
All 3 girls start off in their own beds. Then the 2 big girls make their own way into our bed if they feel the need to. DD3 gets brought to bed somewhere in the early hours of the morning.
We all sleep in our bed, some nights we have all 5 of us in bed. We just keep getting a bigger bed! Some nights tho I kick DH out of bed and he takes whichever girl is most restless with him and they share a big girl bed.
TBH I dont really care about what the norm is, we do what works best for our family. When DD3 sleeps in our bed she sleeps for twice if not more longer than she does in her won bed. We are careful about where everybody sleeps and if DD3 is in bed with us then everyone is positioned so that her safety is paramount.

[MrsFabuloso]

DH and I are usually in separate beds. DH in the double spare bed and me in our queen bed in the master bedroom. Sometimes, we try to start off in the same bed, but it's not often that happens. That's only if all of the kids are still in their own beds when we go to bed. I always end up sleeping with DS2 in my bed, and often one or both of the others will hop in too. Or they will go into DH, though it's usually my bed they come to. It's been about 5yrs since DH and I slept a full night together in the same bed!
I say do what works for you. The way we do it, it maximises sleep for me. Otherwise I wouldn't be getting any, as it is I don't get much anyway!

[~Kim~]

Nikky, something similar has worked for us since DD1 was tiny. He's a policeman. I used to be a cop too, and I wouldn't ever want to place my life in the hands of a partner who's tired. So I'm helping the team . But he snores badly, is a man mountain and moves all over the bed. Some nights I have 4 in the bed anyway.