How old was your baby when you left them for the first extended amount of time? (extended being 6+ hours).
I ask because my cousin (close as a brother) is getting married next month and they're having a child and baby free reception. The reception is an hour away, and starts at 5.30. Ds will be 10 mo, he is still fed to sleep and we co-sleep. He will also be smack bang in the middle of a wonder week according to the ww timeline. I've said I'm not going to go, but now almost everyone I know is telling me I'm overreacting and I should leave him with mil.
My main concern is that we will be an hour away, and if he gets distressed then he could be distressed for however long it takes before mil calls, plus the hour drive back to him.
I don't feel like I'm being ott but maybe I am? Just wanting to gauge myself against other mamas experiences
I'd say up to you, but would your brother allow sibling's children only? My sister did that at her wedding.
Or could you all stay in a hotel overnight close by, with your MiL babysitting in the hotel? So you can still feed to sleep and be close if you're needed?
Personally, I'd hate to miss a sibling's wedding. But then I also wouldn't leave my baby an hour away overnight when he was that small. Tough call.
I think whatever feels right to you is the right thing to do if you dont want to leave him, then dont let anyone make you feel like you're bring ott. TFB had some good suggestions if you wanted to find a compromise.
Ultimately though you need to feel comfortable with your choice.
DH and I had spent quite a bit of money on Disturbed/Trivium tickets before DD was born.
She was 4 months old and on 4 different medications.
We talked alot about just selling the tickets but realised it was the experience of a lifetime (especially now that Disturbed aren't touring or anything now).
The concert was just over 5 hours away and we had to stay the night. We left at 11am, leaving 3 full pages of 'instructions' for my parents and got back about 2pm the following day.
I left DD for wedding plus reception at about 7 months, but we were maybe 30 mins away, I left her with my parents. She was fine but I missed her as were loads of other babies there. Also had forgotten would need to express (apart from 14:00 to 24:00), so not comfy. If I had time again I would have popped back between wedding and reception so I would say if you can get MIL to mind your little one close by that is a good option.
Personally there is no way I could have left my babies at 10 months old. The thought of my BF, co-sleeping bubba wondering where on earth on am would kill me. I'm not judging anyone else who does it, but I wanted you to know I sympathise with you and I don't think you're over reacting.
I haven't left my 16 month old yet and the first time I left my older son overnight was when he was 2.5 year old, no longer BFing and happy to be put to bed & resettled by his daddy. I've only ever left him with my husband too, not other people.
ETA: Sorry, I didn't properly answer your question as you didn't ask about overnight, but that was the first time I had left my son for an extended time. prior to that I had gone out to dinner close-ish to home for a couple of hours, or gone out during the day for most of the day but still not until he had weaned and was happy to be put to bed by his dad.
Your son is your baby and you need to do what you are comfortable with not what other people think (I know easier said then done) can you take your son in a pram?
In my personal situation, at 10 mnths no-one else had settled DS and there is no way I could have left him for 6+ hrs and enjoyed myself. I would be worried after a couple of hours Goodluck with what you decide
No, I couldn't do that. I still couldn't leave DD2 that long at 14 months now. I didn't leave DD1 that long until she was 2 and that was because I was in hospital having DD2, but then her Daddy was home for the night anyway. I just wouldn't feel comfortable, it's so little. It sounds like you don't feel comfortable either. Forget what everyone else is telling you, they're not in your situation. Surely your cousin would let you have your baby with you if it was a choice between that and not coming at all??
Going against the grain here...all my children were also b/f but I left my eldest DD at 6 weeks old to go to a wedding, 1 month later we had another wedding where we left her as well. Both times she was left with my mum who gave her EBM and had no problems settling her. I expressed in the car in the car park at both weddings with DH keeping watch hehe.
Thinking back I most probably could have taken her to both weddings but at the time it never even occurred for me to ask and we were the first out of all our friends to have a baby so I didn't really know what you could/couldn't do/ask for if that makes sense?
Truthfully even now as an experienced mum I wouldn't take my 10 mth old to a wedding if it was childfree. What if you take yours and others have left their babies at home thinking they were not allowed? If the baby is in a safe, nurturing environment then whats the big deal for one night? Some may call me heartless but I really think there is too much over analysing about this kind of stuff. Go, enjoy the wedding, your baby will survive.
No, I couldn't. I'd rather miss the wedding, I'd expect anyone I know to know that there's no way of be leaving my daughter that young. She loves her Nanna and is very close to her, but she would end up feeling confused and scared wondering where I was. So no, I wouldn't. Some people are okay with leaving their babies, I'm not one of those people, I think 10 months is too young.
Could you go to the Ceremony only and get MIL to come with you? I know it's a long drive for only the ceremony but if you are close maybe that is something you could consider
I had left both dd's overnight with my parents at that age as I was comfertable doing that they both took EBM fine.
He definitely can't come. I messaged my cousin the other day, I said:
"Hey cousin and fiance,
Just wanted to touch base with you and confirm if by 'child-free reception' you also mean baby-free reception? As a baby Isaiah is still very dependant on me for his nutrition and comfort, and I didn't want to bring him along without checking with you first.
Cheers,
sepata
PS If you have any concerns about him crawling around or being disruptive, I am more than happy to wear him the entire time to resolve this concern"
He replied:
"Hi sepata,
I just wanted to confirm with you that "child-free" also includes babies. We understand that the nature of this request can provide some difficulties at times, but it would be great if you could make other arrangements for Isaiah to be taken care of.
We apologise for the inconvenience, but we know that if we say yes to you, being fair means saying yes to everybody, and with the amount of people we know who have kids around Isaiahs age, there could well be a need for a nursery on the night! With all of this in our mind, this is why we asked if everyone could make alternative arrangements.
I really hope this doesn't prevent you and Brad coming to the reception! We really would love to have you there!
thanks,
Cousin"
So no, he can't come, even if I kept him in a sling/wrap all night
I see it from their perspective, as a young childless (and not to sound mean, self-absorbed) couple, they really have no idea of what they are asking, but I would have thought that my message would've hopefully put it into perspective for them.
I've spoken to hubby about it again this morning, and I'm pretty sure we've made the decision not to go. We're still considering the options for the ceremony, but the reception is almost 100% definitely a no.
I think you made the right decision not to go. Fair enough, they don't want kids there, their wedding, but I couldn't go to a wedding when the people involved were so unaware of what they were asking of me. To me, staying with DD outweighs social events, I've already given a few a miss.
I wouldn't go either. DD (12mo) is still breastfed & very dependent on me. I wouldn't leave her at night until she is fully weaned, even if it was DH. I couldn't ask someone to look after her when she is likely to wake 4 -5 times minimum & feeds to sleep. To me, she is much more important than anyone else, and sucha huge stress on her is totally unnecessary. They will get it when they have their own kids, even if they don't say anything to you, they will think "wow, sepata was right, 10mo BF baby is too young to be left", assuming they do BF. Too late for you to attend their wedding of course. But their choice!
It sounds like they really don't know what they are asking you to do. Fair enough if the parents are comfortable to leave their baby for that length of time, however when BFing that is a long time to wait to express. I did leave DD1 at a young age (6 weeks? - long story there), and DD2 was probably at the 9 mth mark. DS will probably be at the 6 month mark as well but I have a different set of circumstances to you, as all of us do.
If others are comfortable leaving their little ones, thats fine, but I always believe that small babies and their mums come as a unit, ie they can't be separated and I wouldn't ask any of my friends or family to do that.
Its a hard decision, I hope they one day understand how hard it was to make for you, but not cause they have been put in the same situation.
I wouldn't. Even now he's nearly 3. DS is still bf to sleep and I can't express. If it was during the day I might consider it, but TBH there isn't many people I trust to leave him alone with.
There is no way I would have left him at 10 months.
At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you. Just like, at their wedding, they need to do what is best for them. I can totally understand them wanting their wedding to be child free if they know a lot of people with children. I went to a wedding last year that was child free, and while the couple love and ADORE children, there would have been so many of so many ages (the groom has a huge family not to mention all the friends with kids) and it would have been very disruptive to their big day. The only exception was one of the bridesmaids who had a 4 week old baby, but the baby was kept inside the house (my friend had the wedding at her parents property) and she kept going inside to feed and check the baby was ok (bridesmaids mother was there looking after the baby inside the whole time).
Not saying you are doing right or wrong by going/not going, because the right decision is whatever you and your husband are most comfortable with. But just as you were hoping they would see it from your perspective, you need to see it from theirs. This is their big day. They only get this one day and want it to go a particular way. They can't make everyone happy so they need to do what is best for them and this is something they have decided to do.
For some reason I was actually offended by your cousins response. Maybe its because you mentioned he is like a brother to you, and perhaps he doesnt understand the nature of his request.
If you wanted to go I would either only go for the ceremony, if you wanted to go to the reception get a motel and get someone to look after your ds there, that way you can pop back and feed him to sleep and what not.
Having said that though I know in that position I just wouldnt go. I know that if I had to go back to the motel and feed I more than likely wouldnt want to return to the reception. I know I couldnt leave my girls. DD1 is five this year and we havent left her for more than an hour or two at most! Mainly because I have no one I can trust to look after them.
Pretty sucky situation to be in anyhow. It sounds like your decision may be made for you.
Registered User
Leaving bub - how old?
if you dont want to leave him, then dont let anyone make you feel like you're bring ott. TFB had some good suggestions if you wanted to find a compromise.
Goodluck with what you decide
.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks