Rude people on trains...

[Maruschke]

So I was sitting in a 2-seater today, and the seat next to me was free. I was marking some exams and pretty much not paying attention. Then a lady got on the train, obviously very overweight, and sat down. Only, she didn't just sit down.... she also sat on top of my thigh and the force of it slammed my opposite hip into a metal sheet on the other side. It really really hurt. I said "owe" but she said nothing and looked away. She was really hurting me. The thing is... no one wants to be the person who says "hey, that isn't acceptable, please stand up". No one wants to be seen as discriminating. I understand she is just as entitled to a seat as anyone else, but if you don't fit, you can't hurt some one else in order to get your seat. Am I wrong? I thought she was very rude. I've got nothing against overweight people, but I do have something against ANYONE who imposes on my body and my personal space for their benefit.

[Miss_Dee]

As someone who is overweight, I am very concious of where I sit on trains/buses. Even if the person already sitting is tiny and doesn't even take up half the seat, I still perch right on the edge of the seat so I'm not encroaching on their space. If I can avoid 'touching' the person I'm sitting next to, I will. If it's a quick trip (no more than 20 min) I'll often I will just stand, unless there is a free seat. Personally I think you should have told her to move over cause she was hurting you.

[nothing2lose]

I think you should have told her too. She may not have been aware that she was hurting you, or even encroaching on got space.

I'm curious though...would you feel the same way if she was pregnant??

[toomanyshoes]

I think the fact she was over weight is irrelivent, it could have easily been a teenager with a school bag who hurt you by slamming it into you and if I were in that situation I would ask them to move over as they were hurting me.

[LuluHB]

I do what Miss Dee says. I hate going to sporting events, concerts etc because often the seats are sooooo tiny - at least in comparison with my butt they are. My DH is very slight but has very broad shoulders so he tends to slot a shoulder behind me and I slot a stomach roll over his side! I need my own personal space anyway, so fat or thin I've never allowed physical contact with strangers, but I am even more conscious of it now that I'm larger. I think its just rude to encroach on someone's personal space.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I would have said excuse me but your hurting my leg, do you mind moving over a little.... your not being rude at all.. she's hurting you and she shouldn't!

[sushee]

I've had a skinny chick do the same to me on the tram. At one stage, she was practically sitting on my lap. I think in the case of your train lady, her weight and her rudeness were mutually exclusive.

[Maruschke]

There was no way she could have moved over... she tightly wedged between her side and me. I just think it's rude... I would never do it to anyone. If she was pregnant I probably would have asked some men to stand up and give her a seat .

[Joeve]

Pet hate of mine. Many times I have had this happen and I have stood up because I don't want my thigh squashed and the squasher has then spread out so noone else can sit there either. My train trip is an hour I am not sure I should have to stand for that long but I do.

[PumpkinZulu]

Why is this called 'Overweight people on trains'? Shouldn't it be, 'Overweight lady on train'? Not all overweight people are this rude. I do know where you're coming from, I've encountered people who are like this and overweight. Also, I've encountered people who are skinny and like this. Or Asian and like this. While her weight was probably a factor (like, because she took up most of the seat!) it sounds like she's just a jerk, skinny or fat.

[Astrid]

Couple of things:

Why should it be a man to give up a seat for someone who is pregnant? Any able bodied person should be considered capable of giving up a seat.

Also someone can just plain be wide. My DH is overweight, but it is all in his gut. He is super wide naturally, so takes up the same width on the seat, regardless of weight. I think Toomany shoes made a very good point.

[Maruschke]

Yeah weight is irrelevant, but my experience was with a person [actually, people, because I've had this happen before!] using their size (rather than their bag, or sheer arrogance) to invade my space. And nope, doesn't need to be a man who gives up his seat.

[Maruschke]

I think the thing that made me pause was that it wasn't a bag... I wasn't saying... excuse me, could you please move your bag... but I was (if I had asked) going to ask the impossible... could you please move your thigh? Knowing that there was no where for her to move. It was part of body, not an inanimate object. It makes the conversation more personal. I really don't like making a scene, and I understand that overweight people already get enough foul looks and comments as it is. So I was looking for a way to address the issue without making it yet another downer. If you know what I mean? There is a reason why I ended up deciding to say nothing to her . One of my best friends is clinically obese but she chooses to stand to avoid all this... I don't blame her.

[~~Snoogans~~]

I hate going to sporting events, concerts etc because often the seats are sooooo tiny - at least in comparison with my butt they are. My DH is very slight but has very broad shoulders so he tends to slot a shoulder behind me and I slot a stomach roll over his side!

Lulu! you made me spit my coffee out with that lil nugget * I slot a stomach roll over his side* hahahahahaha love it

[sushee]

I think as an overweight person, you're pretty much on a hiding to nothing. You want to sit, as much as the next person, and if you're overweight, standing for long periods can be particularly difficult. So what do you do? Ignore an empty seat? Because you KNOW the person next to you is going to think you're imposing on their space? What choices do you have? Stand for the rest of your life so someone else doesn't feel uncomfortable?

I used to be overweight and the number of people who would grumble because I sat to them on a plane or a bus was disgraceful. I paid for a seat, same as anyone else. A bag is something someone can help, weight kinda isn't. I don't think it's rude for me to want to sit down, as everyone else seems to have the right to.

Like I said earlier, if someone had said to me to move because I was hurting them, I would have. Whether I was overweight or not, such as the skinny chick who practically sat on me on the tram. That's why I think this woman's rudeness and weight were un-related.

[Phteven]

You know what is worse than people with bags that need a seat and people who want to sit on your lap?
The smelly people. You can ask someone to get off your lap and threaten to throw their bag out the window but short of carrying a monster size can of deodorant there is nothing you can do about smelly people other than put your face in your hands and pray that they get off at the next stop.

[Livinthedream]

I can see your point M.
I think that there comes a point in life where you need to accept that some of your lifestyle choices can and will impact upon other poeple. And I dont think that other poeple should suffer because its not PC to say, "hey, you really dont fit in that seat"
An airline would not let you do it, if your butt doesnt fit into one seat, then you need to buy two.
Tough call though, who wants to be THE person that says something

[toomanyshoes]

I can see your point M.
I think that there comes a point in life where you need to accept that some of your lifestyle choices can and will impact upon other poeple. And I dont think that other poeple should suffer because its not PC to say, "hey, you really dont fit in that seat"
An airline would not let you do it, if your butt doesnt fit into one seat, then you need to buy two.
Tough call though, who wants to be THE person that says something

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.