My dd is 2 and a bit and every now and then she has complete whopper tantrums. They are usually caused by illness/over tired/food reactions etc so I know where they come from but find Them difficult to manage. So today she had a huge tantie which lasted close to a half hour of her crying and screaming. I tried so many different tactics to calm her down and nothing worked until eventually she broke me down and I was the one sobbing (I am preggers which obviously doesn't help!)!
So my question is what do you do when they do this?? Do you ignore then (how this is done is beyond me cos she does not calm down) or try hold them tight until they stop (something I read in toddler tactics)....what's your trick???
I think for me, I just saw it as part if the process, so I would pretty much just sit and wait it out.
I think if you view it as normal and not something you need to fix, it can be easier and less stressful to navigate, itms.
Ds did it in the middle of Westfield once. My arms were full so I had few options, so I basically took a seat where he could see me and waited. When he was ready, we blew his nose and moved on.
I know that's not always practical, but at the very least if you don't get stressed or make too much of it, I think it passes more easily.
I sit near my son and don't say much. I find whatever I say winds him up and makes it go for longer. He will then calm down on his own. Sometimes it can take a while and it's not fun to watch.
Depends on what it's over. If its because she got in trouble then we walk away and ignore her. If its because she wants something or to do something then it depends. We try to calm her down and talk to her but if she continues we walk to another room and let her know where we are and to come when she's calm and ready.
My son is a little older now and seems to be past the trantrum stage (fingers crossed!) - I tried a few different things but what worked the best was similar to what the other girls have suggested. I would sit close by and attempt to have a conversation with him (this was in the early stages as he could often be "talked down" itms), if that didn't work and he went to totally losing it I would stay nearby, let him know every now and then I was available by saying something like "I can see that you're really upset DS" or "I know it's really tough right now, I'm here if you need me". etc. I also put a lot of energy and effort into remaining calm myself (with mixed results lol) by reminding myself that it was normal, that his little brain wasn't capable of any more, that it would end eventually etc. DS didn't actually have that many tantrums that I recall actually so maybe I'm not the most experienced one to be answering your post but I think that being able to predict what triggers them, or at least see them coming in the early stages is an absolute gift (and I know all kids are different and some will go from fine to tantrum in 1.3 seconds).
we ask our 2.5 yr old to go to his room, get his sooky and dummy and when he's calmed down tell him to call out or come out and have a cuddle/drink/something to eat. But he's not to come back out til he's calmed down. Dummy and sooky seem to cure most tantrums (although we hate him having a dummy, but that's a whole new thread lol).
if he's really hysterical, we put him in his room.
If he starts to get aggressive ie hitting me/sister or throwing things his door gets shut (missiles removed). once he's stopped hitting/throwing stuffs but is still crying/melting down, I ask him if he'd like a cuddle. he usually says "yes peese" so we have a cuddle and a chat and kiss and blow nose, wipe face, sometimes a book. a little affectionate chat.
I have also found, that just as a tantie starts, if i get down to his level and say "*name* I know you are feeling upset/cranky/mad/frustrated that you can't do what you want/have that toy/whatever but the reason i said no was because ...... Perhaps you can play/eat/have this more suitable thing/object/task/show etc".
I also do try and stay calm although that is more successful some days over others! but just 'deal it with".
"okay i can see you are very upset about that, how about you go to your room, get your sooky and dummy and have a bit of quiet time on your bed while you calm down. When you are calm you can come out and have a cuddle." then go on with what i'm doing to show him that him carrying on like a pork chop isn't going to affect me or home life.
If its overtired/sick I tend to hold him and if he's not calming, sing a song.
If its not getting what he wants I explain why then leave it at that and carry on with what I was doing or sit near him, unless he's being distructive, then I tell him off, move him or the thing away. And then carry on.
In our comm services crt we learnt that tanties are in fact a very healthy part of a childs development apparently the bigger the better lol not that it helps :S
Its part of them learning their independance. Its like them giving us a test, in order for them to become more independant they need to know mummy and daddy are going to be there no matter what so follows the tantie.
We were also taught the clinging thing ie insisting you pee with them in the toilet or screaming right outside the door, is also another healthy learning stage.
Anyway we do like most have said and let them know where here and let them be we find it doesnt last as long that way
I think it depends on the child and what the tantrum is over. Sometimes I just sit next to DS without talking (because talking often makes him worse). Sometimes (at home) I will walk away - for eg he hasn't napped yesterday and was tired and emotional by dinnertime. He was half hanging off his chair and wanted his knife...then didn't want his knife etc. when we'd finished we calmly told him we were leaving the table and went to sit down. After a while he came for cuddles. Sometimes I just suit him on my knee and cuddle him.
I always give him a cuddle afterwards though and tell him that I love him. You can see with a lot of his meltdowns that he doesn't want to be that upset but the build up of emotion is too much to control.
I did also read one technique where you repeat what they want/are saying if you can catch it in,the early stages. The theory being that they then slow down or stop because they see that you're actually hearing what they're saying. Then once they're calm you explain (in very simple words) why not or why you can't etc. it has worked with ds a few times.
to you. They can be very draining and so hard to stay calm yourself.
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Last edited by sloane; August 5th, 2012 at 08:32 AM.
I wouldn't "ignore"exactly, but acknowledge her feelings (I can see you are angry/sad because... I am here if/when you are ready for a cuddle) then just stay near by and wait it out, reminding her occasionally they you are available for a cuddle if she wants one.
It depends on the kind if tantrum too, if it's more physical I'd give her space but if it's emotional I'd hold her until she calms down.
It's hard because everyones child reacts differently, I think you just need to do what feels right and be open to trying new things when, inevitably, the old tactics stop working.
First, you need to acknowledge that it's your kid's way of expressing themself and regardless of your parenting style/philosophy, emotional outbursts are just a way of life. My GP recently helped me out by telling me that these are an evolutionary thing. We're a tribal species, like those animals that live in herds. She said when a young zebra's parents aren't paying attention to it it's more likely to get eaten. So kids do things to make us pay attention to them, just like a zebra who needs to be protected by it's parents. She said the next time you are having trouble staying calm with an emotional outburst, remember the baby zebra who needs protecting
I find the tantrum is never as bad if *my* head is in a good place, KWIM? So if you can stay calm you are more likely to be able to know how best to deal with it.
The biggest precursor to tanties in our house is lack of sleep (for everyone, adults included, lol!). If it's happening A LOT then I'd wonder if a change in routine is in order (we have recently started making sure DD who is 5 gets into bed at an earlier hour because her temper is so much shorter if she hasn't slept well).
What do you do when your 2 year old has a tantrum
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to you. They can be very draining and so hard to stay calm yourself.
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