What do you do about lack of bonding

[bellany]

I never bonded with my middle child and still haven't 7 years on.
Tbh most days I can't stand him. I resent having to do everything for him I hate that because of his autism he acts like a 3 yr old most of the time .
He has no impulse control is terrible at socializing he can't follow instructions.
He gets better and worse.
Right now he's worse. Constant issues at school constant issues with food and diet.
I'm finding it hard to be nice to him let alone bond with him.
We have therapy together already but it's more to help him with issues. I've mentioned I struggle to cope and they suggest respite care

I don't know what to do.... I'm not sure I even want to bond with him. He irritates me to the core. I feel like an awful mum to not want to be around their own child.

[nothing2lose]

Have you considered some counselling for yourself, by yourself? It sounds like you have some serious issues that you need to work through, both for your own sake and the sake of your son.

[bellany]

Have you considered some counselling for yourself, by yourself? It sounds like you have some serious issues that you need to work through, both for your own sake and the sake of your son.

I did. I just finished 6 months of therapy alone and the psych said she cant help anymore as I have the tools but I need to use them myself.
I feel very bonded with my other two but they are nt so I feel they are easier and I can know what to expect from them.
My middle son has times he can do something and the next day he can't and acts like he never could itms .
He can't wipe himself after toileting can't put his seat belt on can't catch the school bus can't use a knife can't sit still ay school can't play in the play ground. He lies and steals and doesn't follow house rules. He barely sleeps and tantrums most of the day. He begs for food constantly.
He is exhausting

[delphmoon]

I think it normal to feel the way you do.
Things havnt worked out the way the should and instead of being able to enjoy your son its a constant battlewith diet and behaviour.
I think respite is an excellent start. It will give you some space and hopefully the opportunity to unwind alittle. i also think respite would be beneficial for him to as he will be exposed to new ways of coping and behaving. He may also feel the resentment you have and that could impact on the way he responds to you.
I think counselling is a great idea too. Try to speak to someone who specializes in this area. maybe even look around for a local carers support group so you can talk with people who are feeling the way you do right now.

Xx

[Sterla]

I don't have any advice to offer, but just wanted to offer you a big squishy hug .

[kateo]

I can't even start to imagine how hard it must be for you to get up and face a child that is like that everyday.
Maybe you could start a "good book" where at the end of each day you just write one good thing that happened with your son, perhaps he smiled, or followed a direction or tried something you asked..............after a week or two you'd at least have a list of some good stuff about him.
I reckon I;d be looking for regular respite care so you can have a rest and re-fuel.

[Arimeh]

Oh mate You sound so exhausted. You are such a good mum, so never ever doubt yourself on that, cos you are really awesome.

Big squishy hugs from me too

Text me if you need to talk. Or come up here for that holiday!

[bellany]

Thanks guys xx
I think it's worse cos he's having such a hard time ay school. He's being bullied and the teacher is struggling with him.
And I am exhausted and sick.
I just wish I could tell him something and he remember. Or that I didn't have to worry he was stealing food or sneaking onto the computer etc.
I know he can't help himself but he's getting so big without actually growing up. Its so hard.
He can't even get the school bus anymore due to his behaviour and how he acts with the other kids.
He hasn't been invited to a single birthday party this year. He is anxious and depressed and I can't fix him

[chody47]

Do you have support from outside organizations to help with his autism? They can offer invaluable advice. Also, have you tried kinesiology? I teach special education and one of the parents of a boy with autism swears by it for him. Also, I'd suggest joining Sue Larkey's Facebook stage. She has brilliant advice on autism and also runs training days for parents/carers/teachers and offers brilliant advice.