One thing I cannot stand is racism. It's a really big deal to me and I often find myself faced with racism in my day to say life, often on Facebook, but also heading to the shops, from MIL, heard in passing etc. Obviously online is the easiest to deal with; unfriend and move on, because I just don't have time for people like that, I find racist attitudes really disgusting and off putting, it's not one of those 'traits' (for want of a better word) that I can just overlook and continue a friendship with. Is that an overreaction on my part? I don't see it as having a 'different view' to someone, I see it as total ignorant rubbish. How do you deal with encountering racism in your day to day life? Say something? Grit your teeth and ignore it? What about if it's a family member, do you say something or just ignore them? Interested in how other people handle these sorts of situations, because I'm starting to feel really beaten down by some of the people I'm surrounded by, and I can only control hearing racist crap from a select few (by unfriending). I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth putting people in their place every time, but then I feel like a cop out for letting that sort of thing go on around me. I don't want DD growing up thinking its okay for people to have so much hate and ignorance towards others, and it's just something she should learn to put up with hearing. What do others do?
I suppose that would depend on the actual comment and the person making it. If the supposed comment is meant to be a joke, you could just say "that's not funny," and leave it at that. Hopefully they will know not to repeat that type of thing around you and will think twice about saying it in front of someone else. If they're serious about what they're saying, you could ask why they think what they do. Maybe they can be educated.
Of course, some people are just d!cks, so there may be nothing that you can do...
If someone I knew was always making racist comments that were offensive to me then I'd probably not try to be around them often. If it was an occasional comment I may make a small, quick response about it not being nice/appropriate and try to change the topic of conversation. Ultimately I can't change someone elses opinion or attitude to things. If I can't look past it then yes, I may try not to associate myself with that person, but if I appreciate all te good things about that person more I'd probably just look past it. I understand that you don't want your daughter to think this way, but in my opinion, she will hear these comments during her lifetime whether you keep her away from them now or not. When my DD is eventually exposed to things like this I'll probably try to talk to her about why I feel it is not appropriate and hope she takes on that same attitude. Ultimately I can't control her thoughts either...
it's a hard one. growing up I was subjected to racism throughout primary school due to the colour of my skin. it was only from two particular boys but it hurt nonetheless. got called boondi, n****r, blackie, spear chucker etc... given i was only in grade 3 i really didn't have the tools to cope and learnt to ignore it mostly.
as i got older i learnt to speak up and not let them get to me. it didn't help that my sister was much fairer than me so id get teased about that too. i used to tell them that we were different colours because she was born during the night (no sunshine for her) and i was born during the day(lots of sunshine to give me beautiful colour skin
anyway i guess that doesn't really answer your question but for FB ppl block or delete is the way to go and irl ppl i would pull them up on it only because i think its totally unacceptable especially in this day and age where there is so much cultural diversity
Family or not I tell them its not ok. People soon learn to stop or I won't spend anytime with them. Or I'll let loose. I especially make it know in front of my kids because I do not want them growing up doing the same.
With family I tell them it's not ok, my mum & dad can be racist at times, I'm not sure if it's the generation they are from (70yrs old & 81yrs old) but I certainly tell them that it's not on, especially in front of my kids
I find it really offensive and it is usually all over my face. I will tell family straight out what I think - my mum is known for her unsavoury racist comments - more along the lines of 'tea towel' head... and it is just not on IMO.
I haven't encountered any friends saying racist comments, perhaps it is b/c I have alot of diverse friends and also in my workplace racism is not tolerated.
I have been on the train when someone straight out asked me how I could stand overhearing a couple who wasn't speaking English :-/ I was speechless b/c people chat constantly on the train and whether that is in English or another language it doesn't bother me. I really didn't know what to say, I just said I tune out to everybodys personal conversations..... it was a male who said to to me & he seemed annoyed that the couple were chatting away..... Not that racist I guess but enough to make me think less of him!
I have personally been subjected to verbal racism (Italian background) and it hurt. I never understood why people had an issue with my background?? I never used to stand up for myself when I was younger and these days I am not subjected to it (that I am aware of).
I find it hard when it is directed at me, which has only been a couple of times in this country. In Germany, I was punched in the face when I was 16. Here I've had people call me an "F****** Jew", and I admit I lost my cool and yelled back "I'ld rather be a Jew than a f****** redneck racist". I was more disappointed in myself for responding back, and loosing my dignity. In reality most of the people who yell (or an Uni through money at my husband) are cowards who do it is passing, not standing around for the fallout because they are too scared, and I'm not going to be able to change them or their attitudes, so it's better for me to ignore them.
In regards to family who make stupid racist comments, I normally try to make astute comments that shows the folly of their idea's (repeating back the same logic applied to different circumstances), and hopefully they can reflect on that, as I find a full on assault (as much as they deserve it) normally doesn't do much. I don't really remembering hearing racists comments from friends.. maybe I've just never got close to people who have those sorts of ideals because we wouldn't click as friends. I would probably find myself dropping them as friends if they did.
Depends on the situation. None of my friends are racist but a lot of my family members are.
I can't cut out mum and dad and, over the years, I've learnt that I'm not going to change their mind so there's no point in trying to have a respectful debate. They're overseas so we don't see them very often so I guess these days if we were heading down that track I'd just say something like, "we're not going to agree on this so let's talk about something else."
DP's brother and SIL are very ignorant on this sort of thing but they LIKE to talk about stuff. They don't make throwaway racist comments but are more issues-based eg. wanting to talk about immigration/boat people etc. ALthough we have vastly varying views, I think exposing my daughters to different opinions and viewpoints especially if people can argue their corner is good. Though if we were talking about it every time we saw them, it would get old, like any subject. I think if you're going around in circles on the same topic then it's best just to say, "let's agree to disagree."
I guess the litmus test for me would be whether I thought that their values mostly agreed with my own but if a certain subject was a bit of a "blip" in the relationship.
If I had friends who were engaging in racist name-calling it would definitely make me question the friendship and yes, I probably would cut them out.
I find it amazing that so many of my colleagues can be extremely racist (I'm a nurse) I have worked in an environment where we have looked after indigenous patients and those seeking asylum and some of the comments have floored me, I've let people know I'm not ok with it and luckily have not had to take it further as yet but the fact that I encounter it so frequently at work was a real eye opener
I also have had to deal with homophobia in my personal life, my DH was raised in a very homophobic environment and when he met two of my close friends who are gay he made some really inappropriate comments which almost ended our relationship. Luckily he was willing to reconsider his views and apologised to my friends. His brother was grateful that my DH had the opportunity to reassess his views on homosexuality as my BIL finally felt able to be open about his sexuality with the family at 40 years of age and he said that DH's change In attitude made it much easier although the PIL are still homophobic but are slowly accepting BIL and his partner
I guess my point is gritting your teeth and putting up with it isn't going to change attitudes, sharing your views on racism may or may not change other people's views or how they go about voicing them but not sharing how you feel about racism means these people will continue to think their views and the way they express them are acceptable.
I havent noticed racist comments with my friends, but there is stereotyping about drug abuse, money, and stereotyping of groups of people according to their 'class'. If I know they are talking bs, then I will pull them up on it.
Racism in public, I let pass unless it is directed at me or if my children question it. Then I will make a comment about how wrong it is. More so though if we hear something out in public we will respond to the comment by teaching our children that what was heard. I do the same when waiting at the lights and someone walks on the red man; "Now we wait for the green man because that is the safest time to cross the road." that gets some looks, so with racism we say "now its not nice to call people names because it hurts their feelings, and we dont want hurt other's feelings. Also if we dont know what their outfit is called, then lets ask"
With family I set them right, but now my girls will tell people if they are being rude and offending them by saying nasty things.
Im not interested in changing strangers, I want to bring my girls up to not tolerate racism. My hope is that most of us, if not all of us will do this then the tide will change small steps, but a step in the right direction
I dont stand for it and I especially dont stand for it when things are said around my child! As you know, they are sponges and no way no how do I want her thinking that saying anything racist is ok. My stance on it, especially with family (dont fall into the friend catergory) is that if I make comment telling them it is not ok that eventually they will realise that everytime they say something so ridiculous I will be there to stop it and hopefully the will eventually think 'hey, cant be bothered going there'
We live in a small town with limited multiculturalism, its growing but still limited. So its been very difficult to explain to DD about differences in people. We were able to find a really lovely simple book though so that colour/ race/ religion can be talked about easily and on a daily basis
I'm a mix of races and have been at the receiving end of racist attitudes most of my life.
My family are all proud of our heritage and will pull people up on it. My niece even made an official complaint about some police officers over derogatory aboriginal comments directed to her on the way to school one day (we're not aboriginal but some of us do have olive skin).
As other's have said, it depends on the situation. It's also a very interesting subject for me because once upon a time I would never have considered myself racist, but looking back I can see that I did have some fairly racist views. I grew up in Western Sydney so the views I had weren't great. I certainly didn't discriminate against individual people, but I did have very opinionated views on certain ethnic groups. Moving to Adelaide resulted in me growing up a lot and realising how bad some of my views were. A big part of the change was realising that just cause it's in the media, doesn't make it true. I've learnt to actually find things out for myself and not to just think something because those around me think it.
Luckily, my friends don't seem to have racist views for the most part. One friend lives in an area that is largely an Asian community so there are many comments about Asian's when they have to leave the house, but they don't leave the house often so I don't often hear the comments. With her, it's easier to just ignore the comments and change the subject because she's always complaining about something. My family are very much like I used to be. Depending on the comment, I will ignore it. It's often just a fly away remark so I find it easier to deal with by letting it go, but then saying something supportive later in the conversation. My sisters in particular seem to like referring to certain races by derogatory terms (ie curry muncher) and I will pull them up on that and tell them it's not appropriate. With family, the comments I disapprove of the most tends to be around marriage equality which I also speak up about.
Once on the train there was a guy ranting and raving about how all the 'gooks' need to 'f*** off back where they came from' cause there were no room on the train. Mind you this guy had a bicycle with him during peak hour so was taking up far more room than any other single person on the train regardless of their ethnic background. I got sick of it after the 5th comment in 2 minutes, particularly with how many people were getting seriously uncomfortable with the comments, so I told him to pull his head in, there was no need for those comments. He stopped for a small amount of time, but then started up again at the next station so I said it again. He fired up at me a little, but luckily I was standing by a HUGE islander guy who smiled at me and positioned himself between me and this other guy so the comments to me stopped pretty quick. Looking back it could have actually ended pretty badly for me. I'm just making assumptions here, but I'm fairly certain he was under the influence of something. But I didn't feel right not saying something.
I don't have racist friends. I won't put up with that in my life. And if someone I know says something then I can usually just give the Look and they'll backtrack... although some people have had me asking pointed questions about why they feel the need to say XYZ.
Look of contempt and death to strangers who say something idiotic and abusive - has worked on occasion.
As for family... I grew up in a "not racist" family. When I moved away from them, I now categorise them as "not racist but" - as in, my father will treat all men as equal, no matter of skin colour, but put on strong, false accents if you mention the name of the country that is predominantly not-white. And there are only white people around, of course. Hilarious. I'm the only one who will tell him that it's not cool. And don't get my mother started on immigration! I have more respect for working immigrants and the majority of asylum seekers (there are one or two headliners that I don't care for, but asylum seekers who commit criminal acts here are by far the minority) than I do people who think the state owes them money because they were born here and don't lift a finger to try to work. But that's not how she will ever see the world. And I pull her up on it every time.
Such a good post PZ.
DH and i have talked about this a number of times - when to really kick up a hoohaa, and when to say something short and sweet and let it pass. DH is surrounded by ridiculous nonsensical racist rantings. He is infuriated and sickened by it, but the best he can do is state his position/beliefs and walk away. One guy says loads of 'foreigner' racist bollocks and his wife and her daughters are Thai??
We all need to show our children its not ok, and hopefully we can change their future.
Don't get beaten down by it. But you don't have to always get fired up either. Ignoring it is not right, so just find a peaceful and calm controlled way to state your case. If we all do it, we might just find that there are more people who agree with us, but don't have the courage to say it themselves.
I either say that it's not cool, or walk away. It really ticks me off that Sometimes it feels like the majority of people think its ok. Even DH makes comments I don't like, and it's because of his upbringing (which is no excuse) and he is seriously lazy about changing his mentality. It's not a side of him I knew about until well after we were married, and the first time he said something my jaw hit the floor. Alot of his friends are the same. And it's the mentality of 'I'm not racist because I have friends from other coutries but that doesn't mean I have to stop being Australian and stop making jokes'. Dygwim? I really really hate it.
How do you deal with racism in your life?
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