I'm sure we have all been there (i know i have) that moment you think something is wrong with your child and you just don't know what to do, that horrible feeling that there is something wrong and it could be worst case.
So what do YOU do to calm yourself down, do you have someone you call & how do you stay calm to drive or phone someone?
I can get quite panicked but the times i've REALLY needed to stay calm for the kids i seem to have managed to do so, the only way i can calm myself enough is the thought that i don't want to worry my girls.
When DD2 had her anaphelactic reaction i realised it was quicker for me to get her to the hospital than to wait for an ambulance, i was nervous and felt sick but i needed to stay calm, i called DP and my SIL told them what was happening and where i was going.
When she fell out of her highchair i called nurse on call and waited with DP for the ambulance, DP took DD1 out of the room and i hugged DD2 and kept her close.
Yesterday DD's best friend and her little bro were here along with HotI's little girl, little K (the bro) had itchy eyes and it was time to go, he normally gets hay fever so we put it down to that, all of a sudden i noticed someting odd it wasn't his eyelid swelling it was the actual white of his eye, without telling his mum i called him over to take a look..... poor mum noticed, burst into tears and started to freak out. I asked her to calm down, and she asked if i could go with her to hospital... OF COURSE!
So i called HotI and told her where to meet me to get DD, i called DP and told him where we would be and calmed G down, she called me 3 times between home & the hosp and all i could do was tell her not to worry, we would sort it out. The poor thing was a mess thinking little K was going to go blind.
Turns out it was an allergic reaction or sever reaction to his hay fever and possibly rolling around in the grass outside here, the poor boy could barely see.
It got me thinking about how easy it is to say CALM DOWN or IT WILL BE OK when it is someone elses child... so any hints or tips for the mums & dads out there who might panic and need ways to calm down.
For G it was having me with her and being able to call me, as i said for me it's nurse on call, DP or SIL (a nurse) and remembering to breath and try NOT to put my stressing onto my girls.
I call or at least have to text the Man. Well, when I am in a real poo mood, I'm just having a guess that in a crises it could be the same.
Regardless, I think it does help to hear "it will be okay", no matter who from. Even yourself. You just need that bit of reassurance, sometimes just to keep it together. And it is important to have *someone* that you can call, even if it is just for over the phone, moral support.
I think when its the first time something happens i freak - well depending on what it is.
DJ cutting his finger open on a bottle top i was like "meh" not like i could do much, first time he had a fit i screamed like banchee. the second time, dispite it being worse, i was clam and collected. DH the same.
DH also tends to panic more then me.
I think counting to 10 and realiseing your the adult and have to make things happen helps. Like with DJ - now when he has fits, no matter how long i know i need his meds to stop/control plus keep and eye on the time for length. he has them now and people dont pick up on it.
As for something like that - i'd freak the first time, but if on my own I'd suck it up and go to the hospital, try and be as calm as humanally possable *then* freak out once every thing had been explained to the people who needed to know.
I'm a pretty calm person. I freak out less than DH, although he does have a cool head in a crisis.
For me, I focus on the practical. Not the things I can't control or don't know, but the logistics. I find that by focusing on the practical logistics of the situation my brain becomes busy with that and it gives me something to focus on.
When DS2 wasn't well at 10 weeks I suspected something was wrong and so made myself focus - what do I need to take to hospital, who will look after DS1 if I'm going to be a while, do I need the pram, where will be the best place to park, how will I get DH out of his meeting and up to meet me.
Turned out he had menningitis and I had done the right thing by taking him to the hospital. By focusing on the practical I made it happen that he got the care he needed and that's what was most important.
When DD burnt her arm, I panicked majorly. I stripped her cardigan & dress straight off and ran her up to the shower and stood there sobbing with her under the cold water. I was screaming for DH to come in as he was outside. DS was watching me saying helpful things like "mum you pants getting wet" lol. I managed to calm down enough to ask DS to go find DH. DH called 000 and it wasn't until the ambos arrived that I eventually calmed down. DD stopped screaming too once I'd calmed down. I did what was needed re first aid, but I was hysterical at the same time.
When DS split his chin open I was useless. DH was there that time too.
I was better when DS stuck some cereal up his nose. DH wasn't home so I rang mum. She didn't know what to do but suggested the health line. By the time I got through to someone, it had softened enough to pull out with tweezers. I was pretty calm that time. I think the difference was DH not being home, I knew I was it and had to deal with it.
As others have said, I focus on the practical, constructive things I can do to improve the situation. I am an a m b o and I also find that the easiest way to calm a panicked parent (apart from simple reassurance when appropriate!) is to have them focus on a task - stroking a forehead, cuddling and comforting, writing down the child's personal details. Something to refocus. Obviously, at work we have the benefit of providing definitive treatment for an ill or injured child whether it is skill based, drugs or transport. Sometimes (often!) is is simply a matter of reassuring parent's that their child is ok. Obviously, there are times when the outcome is not good and then all I can do is offer some sort of comfort and put in place the next practical steps.
I find I don't tend to panic much with my own kids as I immediately switch into 'professional mode'. It is like there is a seperate part of my brain to deal with emergencies. I am able to recognise when my children are ill that their illnesses are not life threatening and fortunately, none of them have ever suffered serious, life threatening injuries.
I find it much more difficult to cope with the long term worry of my son's renal condition than with a short term crisis.
Sadly, my daughter often complains that I'm a nurse first and a mother second. I find I instinctively go into clinical mode and start thinking about what needs doing and when and how. That's how I deal with it - I control what I can.
I generally panic also, my DD1 pulled boiling water onto herself, I wanted to scream and yell but I had to remain calm, I saw how panicked and scared she was and I just kept taking deep breaths, put her in the bath & poured cold water over her until the ambos arrived & took her to hospital. She was fine, but the shock set in for
Me afterwards and I didn't sleep all night!!! She has also gone missing for about 20minutes, this time I was panicking, screaming out to her & searching frantically everywhere, the whole street was out looking for her. Even hubby was getting worried, he little **** was hiding under her sisters bed, nevertheless she's never done it again!!!
I was recently in a car accident caused by me being sent through a Slow sign by a lollipop man but the workers didn't have a slow/stop sign at the other end of the work.......this meant I was on the wrong side of the road to go 'round a big truck that was mulching trees but the guy coming the other way was doing 80km straight at me. He had no idea there was work on the road over the rise.
He drove into the left side of my car (right where my DS was) and scared me silly.
I could not stop screaming. I leapt out of the car totally panicking that a truck would come over the hill at speed next and tried to get my baby out of the car. I couldn't open the door and DS was screaming in the car. I ran 'round still screaming and got him out of the other side of the car.
I did what I had to but I couldn't stop screaming. I even remember thinking that I should stop once I was holding DS and walking away from danger but I just couldn't.
I have never thought of myself as a panicky person but I certainly was.
I just kept thinking how terrible it would be to organise a funeral for another baby. I could just not calm down for ages.
Thank god some lovely local women came along and calmed me down!
I'm actually pretty calm and have been in a few emergency situations. Its after the fact that I loose it and get the adrenaline and shakes. But during, I just get on with whatever needs to be done. I think because there IS something I ca do then, it keeps me focused and grounded momentarily.
I'm ok at the time, I get down to what needs to be done, (while freaking out and imagining the worst in my head) then afterwards I collapse in a heaps and bawl my eyes out.
we have been in life threatening situations with our kids, esp our son quite a few times.
we all go into efficient mode and then it is afterwards that we realise what just happened and count out blessings again
the worse thing we can do for any of our kids is freak them out even more. My DD doesnt cope well when it happens and we need to stay calm and together for them all.
there is often too much happening too quick to panic anyway.
but i tell you what, after its all said and done, we are emotionally and physically drained and spent!!!
DS had another operation on wednesday and by today our bodies are phyiscally sore due to being so exhausted.
its the emotional side of it all which is exhausting
often we have to go over what happened a few times to each other as we dont take it all in at the time- fill in the gaps for each other
The first major thing we had happen was ds 2 seizing in hospital (newborn) and at home. All I did was cry and cry. I didn't know what to do. Dh was so calm
The second was ds 2 splitting his chin open. I remained calm. Rang dh at work and then while I waited for him I rang my mum. Now if I see lots of blood I'm like meh . Dd had 5 big blood incidents in 6 weeks. By the 3rd one I was calming others down. I knew it wasn't too serious.
But in saying that I don't know what I would do if there was a huge problem. I don't deal that well in a crisis. For example. Dd had a heart thing going on when she was 5 months. Long story but it ended with a shot of adrenaline and a ambulance ride to town. I honestly had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until we arrived at the hospital and I rang my mum that I started shaking and bawling. We came so close to losing her that day. It happened again 3 weeks later and while I was calm on the outside and doing everything I needed to do. I was shaking like a leaf.
Dh is my calm one and I always feel better if he is around to deal with any problems. I clean the blood. :/ he remains calm. He does what ever else needs doing.
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Panicked Parents ....
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