3.5 year old brain-fade???

[Santosha]

DD has always been a pretty bright little cookie - no bias of course! She spoke clearly and early and now has pretty complex language skills, she's attentive and thoughtful, notices details, has a freakish memory, about average motor skills and tends toward the shy and anxious side in socialising - but can be really gregarious when she's warmed up. She's been TT since 22 months, eats well and is generally pretty cooperative and helpful.

In the past few months, things have seemed to shift. She's been more defiant, moody and tearful, she freaks out more when something isn't working of if her brother touches her stuff, has stopped doing things that she did well before (eg. She was starting to draw basic people and now she's gone back to scribbles).

She seems really vague a lot of the time, like she's off in her own little world and sometimes I have to say her name 5 times to get her attention (though, sometimes I can tell she's purposefully ignoring me too). She'll vague out half-way through a sentence or a question and just trail off, or lose track of what she set out to do and get distracted. Her imaginative play has increased ten-fold so I do wonder whether it's got something to do with being so occupied with all these new thoughts... But the ability to process information is definitely different too. She'll search for something that's right in front of her and just not see it, and watching her eyes, she's not searching systematically. I remember her doing this at 2.5, but she's been better at searching since then. She has started stammering a bit when she talks. Not quite a stutter, more of a 'I haven't quite figured out what I want to say and I don't have the words'. "Mum....um, Mum....um, why does the, um, why does...that lady...the girl..., um...why does she, um....."

She has not wet the bed since 2 yrs, 4 months and the last few times she had an accident, in bed or out, she's sobbed with dismay. The last incident I can remember would have been at least 4 months ago and she just got so absorbed in play, she put it off too long and had a little leak. The poor love was devastated and as soon as it came out, she cried out to me.

Today, she had a nap, got up, and announced in a silly voice that her undies were wet after about 10 mins. I thought nothing of it, just assumed it was another little 'spill' and just sent her off to change them. Tonight I went to tuck her into bed and it was SOAKED. Her sheets, doona and pillow(???) were all saturated and not in a kind of neat puddle like she's weed in her sleep. More like she'd stood up and weed all over the bed. And, even weirder, there was a tiny little nugget of poo, up near where her pillow would sit. I asked about it and she just looked a bit silly/amused and said 'I don't know', and happily stood back while I stripped the bed. I know that soiling the bed is totally ok for her age... but it totally threw me because she hasn't in such a long time, because of the unusual way that she reacted to it, and because she's generally being weird.

Anyone who knows what I do for a living would know that I feel like I should be all over this.... but I honestly have no idea. I can't see her objectively at all. Has anyone else seen a 3.5 year old brain-fade before? Thoughts on what's causing it? How I can help her? Whether I need to look into it further?

Any ideas or experiences would be greatly appreciated. Xoxo

[MummyNaomi]

She's been more defiant, moody and tearful, she freaks out more when something isn't working
She seems really vague a lot of the time, like she's off in her own little world and sometimes I have to say her name 5 times to get her attention (though, sometimes I can tell she's purposefully ignoring me too).

No ideas - but a couple of things you mentioned I've noticed with DS too - more moody, and tearful, seems to struggle with dealing with his emotions at times, which I assume are very normal at this age. I notice he REALLY thinks about things, seems to be analysing things and I often wonder what he is thinking, although when I ask him he cant necessarily communicate what he is thinking. He certainly has selective deafness, and sometimes will only respond when I've said his name over and over when I raise my voice or change my tone. Also cries about the silliest things, like having water in his cup - was totally devastated!!

And, I've noticed he seems bored lately, doesn't play with his toys like he used too, is always wanting to just veg in front of the TV (which I am trying to limit, but sometimes keeping a toddler entertained while b/feeding and tending to a young baby means I resort to the tele too much). Certainly doesn't seem to amuse himself like he used too, really needs me to interact with him more than ever before.

I almost feel like he is about to take a massive development leap forward but is kinda stalled if that makes sense. His speech has really accelerated lately and its almost like he has gone from toddler to boy in the blink of an eye but is a bit in limbo

So no advice but I guess your DD and my DS are very similar in age so potentially it's a whacky developmental phase that will soon transition into a leap forward

xx

[AnyDream]

I would be taking her along to the doctor for a very thorough checking over. Any number of things can cause brain fade, but I imagine the dr might want to check her urine, to screen for infection or sugars, as well as looking inside ears etc for signs of infection.

Provided all that comes back clear, it could just be a normal stage of development... learning to ignore mummy on purpose and suit herself instead. LOL. I remember my DD totally regressed re putting shoes and socks on... she'd been doing it since before she could walk, but she suddenly decided it was too hard. Drove me barmy. Eventually (closer to age 5) she got with the shoes and socks program again.

[Santosha]

Thanks Nay. ox

MD, can you suggest a few of those 'any number of things'. What could come up in the urine?

[wysiwyg]

Apart from the bit about the bed incident, you describe CJ's current behaviour to a T. We haven't had any accidents for 8 months or so but recently have had two and she was very distressed, again it was because she ignored the need to go, she knew it but was too busy. She has been talking in her sleep alot, and also coming in to us, but not really wanting anything and quite happy to be walked back to bed - so is not really awake but there is definitely more going on in her head overnight than previously. Tonight she wanted me to cut all her fringe off - just lop it off - I refused she sat there and screamed for 5 mins, really angry screaming, but then snapped out of it and was laughing at how silly she had been. There was something similar to your bed incident but I can't remember exactly what it was but was something that I found her reaction really odd too (can't for the life of me remember what it was now but was something I thought mmm how peculiar).

I have just assumed is a normal part of development.

[Arcadia]

I found dd at 3.5 also moody and tearful and more extreme emotionally. She has settled heaps in the last few weeks and is four in a month.

I see lots of kids stammer when talking because their brain is going a hundred miles an hour.

As for the wet bed incident, I'm not sure but dd has been testing boundaries in interesting ways recently. She hid from me today for five minutes while I frantically called and searched a d then said she couldn't hear me...? I think it's part of their process of developing an idea of themselves and the world.

[Jellyfish]

I could have written 99% of this post about my DD1, similar age. Kind of reassuring to hear others experiencing it too.

[LizLemon]

I also could have written this about my DS. Every day is a power struggle. I put it down to the major developmental changes they are having - it seems like their brains are maturing too fast for their emotions and it's hard for them to cope.

[MummyNaomi]

I meant to add to - DS is really clumsy ATM too, it's like his motor skills are a bit skew whiff

[Santosha]

Ohhhh you ladies are wonderful. Not that I'm pleased that your 3.5 yr olds are vagueing out and being weird too... it's just reassuring that it's not just her. Nay, I meant to say that DD is really clumsy too and has been having lots of minors bumps, to which she reacts like she has broken a limb!
Vic, I love the fringe example. That sounds very familiar! It's not that you expect a three year old to be rational, it's just that they're outright ridiculous at the moment!
Arcadia, that sounds scary... and infuriating! And just the kind of odd thing DD is up to.

It occurred to me after I wrote the OP that DS was toddling around naked this morning and peed all over the deck. DD saw it happen and was pretty intrigued - asked lots of questions about why he did it and why he doesn't use the toilet. I wonder if that inspired some experimentation and boundary pushing?

I had found this [link remved] which rang true, but is theoretical, so I wasn't really sold on the 'why'. I'm a little more comfortable with thinking that it's all just a typical development thing now that others are saying they're seeing the same things.

Hmmmm, the nerd in me still really wants to understand what's happening to her brain though!

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Just a suggestion that's probably left of the middle - has she had a vaccination lately? I've read this story so many times, where the parents are convinced the vax caused the regression.

[Santosha]

Nope, no vax lately. She's due for one at 4, but I'll be waiting until her brain is back online again!

[AnyDream]

Re urine, I was thinking of things like a urinary tract infection (can cause unusual behaviour plus could explain the wetting) or even early signs of diabetes - which can involve frequent dilute urination. As to the any number of things - over the years I've noticed when my kids are feeling off/unwell (anything from tonsillitis, ear infection, worms) their behaviour gets a bit wacky, but it's not always obvious that they are unwell.

[leckert]

Ds1 is also a bit like this - all over the place, reverting back to baby behaviour while being able to talk a million miles a hour; so far put it down to a) having a younger brother (7mths old) and b) age (he's nearly 3 1/2)

I hear you on the meltdowns at the slightest things!

[Jellyfish]

Definitely share if you find some more information Santosha.

The thing I had really noticed with DD1 is looking for things right in front of her but completely missing it. Was driving me batty lol. She hasn't had any accidents but the other week was asking if she could put a nappy on? So maybe it is a boundary/exploration thing?

[Frangipani Lou]

Could your DD possibly be tired? Not sleeping well? Been sick with a cold or infection that would affect her breathing well in bed?
Lack of sleep could account for most if not all of what you describe.

[jackrose]

I was going to send you to that link from planning with kids! I found it when I was struggling with DDs behaviour at 3.5 and is really relieved me to read that there was a theory out there.

As for the 'why', the author of the book that Planning with kids writes about does go into a bit more detail about that and it all comes down to development. With a huge leap in physical and cognitive development at that time, the 3 year old cannot sometimes cope/compute/assimilate all the new info and regresses a bit. I found that after reading about it, I approached DD in a whole new way and was calmer with her, giving her more time and space and less expectation and it made everything so much easier for all of us. She came through it again after a few months and I had my divine girl back.

[~*Niadalla*~]

Putting my hand up for a May 'Brain Fade' baby here too!!
All sounds very similar to what we are going through ad have been through with DS. Just their way of learning how to the world works I think.