The "Mine is better than Yours" situations....

**little_O** · January 15th, 2013, 04:09 PM

I'm sure we have all come across this... hope so anyways, and its not JUST me lol

Person 1: "I am so excited i have achieved this"
Person 2: "oh i know how you feel, I have done that, this and THIS"

Its like its a support/compliment/cheer wrapped up in put down.

Maybe i have only started to notice it more that i have a child, but it drives me bonkers when I will be excited about something dd will do and i have a certain acquaintance who likes to go "oh that’s great, MY baby did that at x age (generally before dd's age) or of course its exciting i know when MY baby...climbed Everest, swam in the Olympics, saved humanity....whatever great moment in their development that fades my own child’s accomplishment into insignificance...." always makes it lose some of my baby's shine.

Why cant people just be happy? Why the competition??
How do i not let it frustrate me??

I am always happy for someone else. Like hey that’s awesome you did this, you’re child is so smart doing that...i think we all need to enjoy the little things in life. I understand people are also equally proud of moments in their life/children etc, but i don’t understand the need for the limelight. Or am i just being easily annoyed...?

***Efjay*** · January 15th, 2013, 04:17 PM

I would reply with "Yes, thats great you know how I feel.. but no need to squash those feelings by going on to tell me how much better your thing was"

lol that would make them squirm

**Mrs O'M** · January 15th, 2013, 04:36 PM

Not sure there is an easy fix to this one....

It seems there are many folks who just love being the best and sometimes you just have to let them have their one upmanship to make them feel better about themselves.... Lets face it, they are probably too insecure to simply acknowledge your cool news without going one better, and who knows if their one better is actually true or just a fabricated story anyway...?

I feel your pain, but sometimes its easier to stroke their egos and know that if the situation were reversed you would not do the same!

**Starfish** · January 15th, 2013, 05:25 PM

It's a tough one.

I think that some people do need to be the best and have the last word in every conversation. I agree with Mrs O'M - they're probably insecure and chances are that their stories are at least exaggerated and at worst not true. I would deal with people like this by simply saying something like "that's nice dear" and changing the subject.

Other people though are probably not trying to put you down/make themselves seem better than you on purpose but what they say comes out wrong. Perhaps saying what Efjay suggested in a lighthearted way may make them realise that they are sounding like a twat...

**2CheekyMonkeys** · January 15th, 2013, 05:36 PM

I've said replies like the ones you refer to and it's not about being better than someone else its about saying ' yeah me too' or just contributing to conversation by adding your own experiences. Maybe you are taking it the wrong way?

**Eenee** · January 15th, 2013, 05:37 PM

I do the kid thing without thinking...oops!

I try not to but I don't have a lot of friends and find it hard to talk about things so when someone says for eg. My child walked at 10mths I go oh really that's clever, mine waked at 9mths it was so annoying etc etc. but otherwise things end in awkward silence because I don't know hat else to talk about. No wonder I have no friends lol!

But yes would be very annoying to be out done in every situation. (Oh damn I hope my above example didn't fall ino this category for this thread, gah!)

**little_O** · January 15th, 2013, 05:42 PM

I do the kid thing without thinking...oops!

I try not to but I don't have a lot of friends and find it hard to talk about things so when someone says for eg. My child walked at 10mths I go oh really that's clever, mine waked at 9mths it was so annoying etc etc. but otherwise things end in awkward silence because I don't know hat else to talk about. No wonder I have no friends lol!

But yes would be very annoying to be out done in every situation. (Oh damn I hope my above example didn't fall ino this category for this thread, gah!)

Ha ha em no you didn't

you're fine.

I think it's the attitude of the other person that comes across which is the annoying thing.

I end up ignoring the comments and get annoyed because I'm not good at putting someone back in their place. Sigh.

**Snacks** · January 15th, 2013, 05:58 PM

Oh, I do know what you mean!
TBH I choose to be amused by those sorts of comments. Just like those throw-away cliches people offer you when they mean nothing at all. Just see it for what it is: tactless (and, like poor grammar, pretty funny).
I do admit to getting annoyed at times - we're only human! It's wonderful to invite others to take delight in the things you take delight in. There are friends out there who will - find them! Don't stop inviting it just because there are some complete tossers in this world. xx

**chody47** · January 15th, 2013, 06:56 PM

I will admit that I probably do that at times, but its not meant to be a brag, like a previous poster, I'm just trying to contribute to the conversation. I probably have just as many times where my comment will be about DD doing the said milestone later.

**~TT40~** · January 15th, 2013, 06:59 PM

im one of those people... im trying to stop. but i dont do it intentionally. its more just how i can continue the conversation and show i am intetested in what they are talking about. its normally not until after ive said it i think..oh crap i did it again.

**little_O** · January 15th, 2013, 07:05 PM

I think we all do it in conversation style, but I guess it's maybe when you know the person and it is absolutely everything they have to do better.

For me it's generally the same person who is never wrong....

**The[cookie]Doctor** · January 15th, 2013, 07:06 PM

im one of those people... im trying to stop. but i dont do it intentionally. its more just how i can continue the conversation and show i am intetested in what they are talking about. its normally not until after ive said it i think..oh crap i did it again.

Me to a T.
I would find it really hard to stop at "Congratulations, that's great" - I like to share my life / story etc and sometimes I guess that appears like I am trying to 'win', but I'm not doing it intentionally.

**MummyNaomi** · January 15th, 2013, 07:06 PM

Yeah, I catch myself too, I think its often a conversation continuer/common ground type of thing rather than intended as a "I did it better than you" type of thing.

That and I like to talk, and talk, and talk ................

**DreamBabies** · January 15th, 2013, 07:23 PM

I find it frustrating too. I have two acquaintances that told me that women that have c sections must feelclike failures and not real mothers. The other thing they said was that babies over 7lb are ugly.

My baby was by emergency c section at 9lb. She was beautifully chubby and absolutely gorgeous. I remember telling them how the c section saved her life and how perfectly gorgeous she was - and still is.

Some people can be very rude. I just think they're excruciatingly insensitive or just plain old dumb!

**Rosey** · January 15th, 2013, 08:19 PM

Me to a T.
I would find it really hard to stop at "Congratulations, that's great" - I like to share my life / story etc and sometimes I guess that appears like I am trying to 'win', but I'm not doing it intentionally.

I am exactly the same. No harmful intent just wanting to share my life stories

**Mum2twoBoys** · January 16th, 2013, 06:57 AM

I find it frustrating too. I have two acquaintances that told me that women that have c sections must feelclike failures and not real mothers. The other thing they said was that babies over 7lb are ugly.

My baby was by emergency c section at 9lb. She was beautifully chubby and absolutely gorgeous. I remember telling them how the c section saved her life and how perfectly gorgeous she was - and still is.

Some people can be very rude. I just think they're excruciatingly insensitive or just plain old dumb!

That's horrible. My boy was 9lb 6oz and was totally adorable. People would always comment at how gorgeous he was. Shows what they know.

My mum always did this to me. Definitely didn't make me feel good about myself. Is tell her my accomplishment, and then she'd go on to say how db did so and so. Talk about seeking parents approval.

**DreamBabies** · January 16th, 2013, 07:02 AM

That's horrible. My boy was 9lb 6oz and was totally adorable. People would always comment at how gorgeous he was. Shows what they know.

My mum always did this to me. Definitely didn't make me feel good about myself. Is tell her my accomplishment, and then she'd go on to say how db did so and so. Talk about seeking parents approval.

Things we endure, right?

**Cass72** · January 16th, 2013, 08:18 AM

Why cant people just be happy? Why the competition??

Can I just say ......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG GGGGGHHHHHHH!

I stopped someone one day with, "yeah I died". Because her illness was soooo much worse than mine. I had a headache, she had a suspected tumor. I twisted my ankle, she tore all her ligaments and had to go into rehab. So, it transpired that this one time when I was saying what procedure I had to get done (all girly bits involved) she just kept going on and on about someone she knew who had all that but worse so I just butted in with, yeah I know, I died....

Her look was priceless, like her brain couldn't comprehend what I'd said. She paused for a bit and then continued with her story.

Oh and, btw, that was my sister. When I told her I was pregnant she told me all about her friend who was pregnant - woop-de-doop, I actually don't give a rats - "congratulations Sis" would have been nice.